


It's Always Been You

by MockingjayD12



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars alternate universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 80,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MockingjayD12/pseuds/MockingjayD12
Summary: After Rey's parents abandoned her to be raised by her grandfather, she thought she would never find happiness in her life.  One day she notices the antics of her neighbor, Ben Solo, and her childhood begins.  As the years pass, she is separated from her best friend by a series of misunderstandings and assumes their friendship has been lost forever.  When her grandfather requests that she leave her medical career to join the family business, First Order Pharmaceuticals, someone emerges from the shadows of her past to help her face the reality of such an offer.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 29
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

When Rey thinks of her childhood, she thinks of Ben Solo. There is no memory she chooses to remember that doesn't include him. She came to live with her grandfather in his enormous mansion just before she turned six years old and everything was scary and different. Already a permanent resident of Grandfather’s estate, her cousin Hux was just a year older, but their differences couldn’t be bridged by any type of proximity. From the moment she saw Ben, no one could compare to him. 

Ben lived next door and Rey would watch him play with his enormous hairball of a dog that was almost large enough to ride. She would watch from her playhouse window as Ben would enact epic battles in his backyard with his water guns. Chewie would continually retrieve random balls that Ben would launch into the pool after making elaborate explosion sounds. He was just so dramatic, yelling orders to his imaginary troops and conversing with his generals. He would flip off the diving board making huge splashes and chatter about traveling at the speed of light while Chewie swam around him. Rey couldn’t resist watching him -- he was a one-man show. He was the only thing that made her smile after being dropped off at Grandfather’s. He just didn’t know until one afternoon when he caught Rey laughing at him from the tower of her playhouse.

She couldn’t help it. He was running around the pool with a bucket on his head chasing Chewie with yet another water gun. In his excitement to arrest Chewie for stealing the plans to his latest space station, he got distracted and Chewie’s tail whacked his bucket helmet, making him trip head first into the pool. When he surfaced, he began threatening Chewie with his unlimited powers that he insisted would enable him to make Chewie float above the pool. Chewie didn’t seem to care about his threats, barking back at him as he circled around the pool and splashed into it. Rey watched in amusement and couldn’t stop the burst of laughter that was quickly replaced by a gasp of horror as Ben’s eyes zeroed in on hers within a moment.

“Hey! Are you spying on me?” he yelled up at her.

Ugh, oh. Rey knew he must feel embarrassed at being caught, and she had to do something to make him not hate her because he was the most interesting part of living in her grandfather's awful house. His eyes began to shift from surprise to something else as the seconds passed. She had to act quickly, and then she realized exactly what to say.

“Yes! And I want you to know that I have sent my starships to destroy your space station. You must surrender!” Rey yelled down to him. She threw in a cackling laugh like she heard the evil villains do on TV, hoping that it would be enough.

As he treaded water, his eyes seemed to shift again to… curiosity? This gave Rey hope, so she continued.

“I will be coming to arrest you unless you promise not to hurt him.”

Ben’s face scrunched in confusion. “Hurt who?”

“Him,” Rey pointed to Chewie, who was climbing out of the pool and shaking the water from his dripping coat.

At this, Ben emerged from the pool, wrapped a towel around himself, and approached the corner of the yard closest to the playhouse.

“Who are you?” he asked as he wiped the corner of the towel across his face.

“I’m Rey. I’m staying here with my grandfather.”

“Oh,” he said as he seemed to consider this. “Do you want to come play with us?”

“I have to ask.”

“Oh, okay. If you want to, just come in through the gate up there,” he said as he pointed to the side of his house closest to Grandfather’s house. “But don’t bring Hux. I hate Hux.”

“Me, too,” Rey smiled down at him.

And that was the real beginning of Rey’s childhood. Before that, nothing seemed important or worth remembering, but everything with Ben was an adventure. It didn’t matter that Rey was more than two years younger because he seemed to be as happy to have a new friend as she was. It didn’t take too long for Rey to figure out why. Along with Ben’s amazing imagination that could create entire worlds and galaxies, there was also an anger that always seemed to simmer under the surface waiting to be ignited by the slightest agitation. Rey would witness his explosions many times, but for some reason, they never scared her. Instead, they just made her sad. They made her want to comfort and protect him from whatever had upset him. It always seemed to her that his anger came from his sadness, and Rey knew a lot about both sadness and anger.

Her parents had left her at Grandfather’s with a promise to “be back soon,” but everyone seemed to know that “soon” wouldn’t be for a long time. Grandfather had a room prepared for her and enrolled her in Hux’s school that started a few weeks following their summer break. The nanny that looked after Hux took immediate charge of Rey and directed the household staff to enforce her rules and expectations. Rey rarely saw Grandfather, not that she minded; he was wrinkly and made her uncomfortable under his examining eyes. Hux was, unfortunately, a new permanent fixture in her life. 

Hux had lived with Grandfather for as long as Rey had known either of them. No one ever talked about his parents and Rey learned quickly not to ask because an uncomfortable silence always followed. Hux would usually break the silence with a rude comment about Rey’s parents that he insisted were “junkies with no money.” She couldn’t really argue with that because as time went by, Rey quietly acknowledged to herself that was probably the truth. Years later, Rey heard two maids discuss rumors that Hux was really Grandfather’s son and that his mother had worked at the mansion. She disappeared soon after Hux was born and no one ever heard from her again. Apparently, the Palpatine family had more than enough secrets to fill the oversized mansion. 

Even though Hux wasn’t much older, his act of superiority made it obvious that he believed Rey was either immature or very stupid. He would condescendingly explain her mistakes and boss her around like he was in charge. Luckily, the nanny was a somewhat nice old woman named Miss Phasma, and she would politely tell Hux to mind his own behavior, not Rey’s. Although she tried to avoid him, his snarky comments seemed to find her everywhere. His absolute favorite topic was always the awkwardness and general oddity of their neighbor Ben Solo. Nothing seemed to please Hux more than berating one of the many flaws he perceived of him. Rey was forced to listen to never-ending tirades about Ben’s stupid hair and goofy ears or his crazy imagination and quarky interests. The fact that Rey seemed to enjoy him only made the comments more wicked and hurtful, but Rey didn’t care at all what Hux thought. In her eyes, Ben was amazing.

After she arrived, her one respite was the playhouse out back that towered over the swingset and sandbox. Hux thought he was too old for such nonsense, so Rey turned it into her own special space. She would spend hours drawing or playing with her dolls until she would hear the antics going on in the backyard next door. She would immediately drop whatever she was doing and crawl to the window to watch him. Nothing was more entertaining than watching Ben and Chewie play.

From their first meeting, and even before if Rey was honest with herself, Ben had enchanted her in a way that no one ever had. He was intelligent, quick-witted, and loud -- ridiculously loud. Rey never had to wonder what he was thinking because even when he was alone he was almost constantly narrating his thoughts and feelings. The performances Rey witnessed from her window, however, paled in comparison to actually participating in one of Ben’s dramas. There was always something new to pretend, and Ben seemed to be inspired by Rey’s ability to keep up with his musings. In fact, her obvious awe of him made his dreams even bigger and the fun they created together with Chewie was easily the happiest moments of her life so far.

After their first day together, Rey was at Ben’s house almost every day. He never came to her house because he didn’t want to see Hux, but that was okay because she didn’t want to see Hux either. Despite all of Hux’s complaints of Ben, Grandfather didn’t seem to mind her presence at the Solo house. His business partner years ago was related to Ben somehow, and although he didn’t particularly seem to like them, this was one indulgence he allowed Rey. Perhaps he appreciated that Hux was less than an ideal playmate. Whatever his reasons, Rey was allowed to make Ben’s house an escape from the sterile Palpatine mansion. She spent as much time with Ben and Chewie as she could, often knocking at the backdoor after breakfast and staying until the nanny called her back.

Ben’s parents were nice, but she rarely saw them because they were always working. His mother was some kind of doctor that was constantly being called to the hospital to deal with things that she “didn’t trust anyone else to take care of.” Rey wasn't sure what his father did; he would drift in and out of the house for weeks on end as part of his “business trips.” Ben seemed to have the run of the house being looked over by a butler-type man named Ceecil. He was friendly and indulgent, but he annoyed Ben mercilessly, much to Rey’s amusement. He also seemed to know A LOT about the neighborhood and would offhandedly mention the most interesting gossip that was extremely satisfying to laugh about when he wasn't around. Sharing her days with Ben made her feel like she wasn’t alone for the first time in her life.

Looking back on those hot summer days, Rey realized the signs were visible even from the beginning, but she ignored them because she was just so happy to finally have a friend. It seemed that sometimes, for no reason at all, Ben would become irate and destructive. It would come out of nowhere. These flashes of anger that would make Rey flinch, reminding her of her parents. Ben's body would go rigid and his eyes would glaze over as he grabbed whatever was closest and hurled it at the wall or into the ground. He would clench his fists and growl if Rey asked him what was wrong, so she quickly learned to say nothing at all. And then it would be over, as quickly as it started. He would usually slump to the floor, covering his face with his hands and Rey knew there would be tears in his eyes when he would look up moments later, showing both embarrassment and shame. After the shock of that first time, her reaction was always the same. She would come and sit next to him, wrap her arm around his back, and lean her cheek against his shoulder. She wouldn’t say a word; somehow she knew he didn’t want to talk about those spells. They would sit like that for long moments until his eyes would find hers and a smile would creep across her face. He would always smile back. Then they would move on to something else and leave the pain and anger in the past where it belonged.

No one at his house was ever upset or surprised by Ben’s temper. Ceecil would clean up whatever mess he made without a comment. Ben’s parents seemed to notice it even less. Dr. Solo would briefly look up from whatever she was doing, sigh, and whisper to herself about how he was “just like my father.” Occasionally, she would quietly leave the room with tears in her eyes. Mr. Solo would usually make a comment that would enrage Ben even more like, “Good job, Ben. I hated that lamp anyway,” or “I’m sure if you whack the controller hard enough, it’ll eventually let you win.” Rey was annoyed that they didn’t seem to care about his emotions or their cause. They were only concerned with their own feelings about his tantrums. It was like it didn’t matter -- like he didn’t matter. 

Hux provided a few hints that Ben was known to behave this way at school as well. Rey assumed they were exaggerations, but she began to believe them as the summer progressed. Hux told her how he would yell at the teachers when he got mad and once even went on an epic tirade of swearing at the principal. He had a habit of getting suspended and they were even going to kick him out of their private school after he threw a stapler at the window and smashed it to pieces. His parents were able to get the school to let him return, and Hux said it was probably because his mother was super rich and had an important job at the hospital that made people listen to her. Because of his “behavior issues,” other kids were afraid of him, which Hux said made him even more disliked than Rey was sure to be. Rey didn’t have a problem with that. She didn’t really want him to have any other friends anyway because he belonged to her.

Once Rey started school, she began to appreciate how the rest of the world saw Ben. The most surprising of all his new personality traits was that he was quiet. Ben Solo, who never stopped talking even when he was alone, was suddenly completely tight-lipped. His bright, inquisitive eyes clouded over as he looked suspiciously at everyone. He exuded tension, anger, and hostility whenever anyone approached. He was like a different person. At recess, he would never play with any of the other kids in his class. All he would do was run and run and run. Rey would watch him out the window running laps around the playground as if he was being chased. He wouldn’t stop until the bell rang. Rey would pass him in the hallway coming in as her class was going out, and his face would always be sweaty and red as he puffed by her. He would never say a word or wave to acknowledge her. Instead his eyes would meet hers for a moment and immediately look away. That anger she’d witnessed in short bursts over the summer bubbled in warning of the inevitable explosion.

Rey, Hux, and Ben all rode the same bus to school with a few other kids from the surrounding neighborhood. Rey and Ben always sat together as far away from Hux as possible, which was never far enough. Hux would make fun of them with comments that were just loud enough to overhear, but they tried to ignore him. They never talked during those bus rides because Ben seemed to be shifting either into or out of his school persona. She would still catch his eye when someone would say or do something especially amusing, and they would share a secret smile between them. When Rey learned that most of the kids assumed she was Ben’s little sister, she didn’t correct them. She enjoyed being associated with him in whatever manner was offered.

Once school started, Rey quickly developed a habit of going over to Ben’s house after being dropped off by the school bus. As they walked to his front door, Rey could feel Ben’s nervous tension releasing as he slowly became her best friend again. His eyes would light up once he closed the door and a long sigh would escape his mouth. She would tell him about her day and he would listen quietly while they ate the afternoon snack Ceecil prepared. Then Ben would begin talking, and his transformation would be complete.

“I’ve got a surprise,” Ben whispered as they finished their peanut butter crackers one crisp fall afternoon. “Go out front and wait for me. I’ll come out through the garage.” A slow smile crept across his face as his eyes scrunched up in delight.

Rey was curious, but certainly not one to be frightened by a surprise. She quickly skipped out the front door and down the sidewalk to the driveway in anticipation of what she assumed would be some sort of grand reveal. Yet another one of Ben Solo’s spectacular escapades. After a few minutes passed, her eager anticipation grew into suspense, and she attempted to calm herself by looking around. Her eyes instinctively were drawn to Grandfather’s house. It was the biggest house on the street, but it wasn’t a very nice looking place. It’s dark gray color and oversized windows made it look like it was some sort of house from the future. Ben’s house looked much more… comfortable? Normal? Maybe it was just Rey.

The sound of the garage door startled her from her musings and she quickly turned to take in her surprise. As soon as the door had crept about halfway up, Ben raced out from underneath on a pair of rollerblades. He zipped around the driveway with Chewie chasing after him.

“Aren’t they great?” he asked as he circled around her.

“Wow, yeah. That looks like a lot of fun.”

“Come with me,” Ben said as he raced back into the garage.

There on the floor next to his abandoned sneakers were three boxes. One had a picture of the coolest pair of pink roller skates Rey had ever seen. Another box had a picture of knee, elbow, and wrist pads all covered in princesses. In the last box, she could see a purple helmet through the plastic window.

“You’re not ready for rollerblades, yet. You need to start with roller skates, but don’t worry. I’ll teach you.” Ben circled around and around her as she gently ran her fingers along the boxes. He took in her expression and suddenly stopped his circling to stand before her. “What’s wrong? You don’t like them? I thought it could be fun. We don’t have to. It’s okay if you don’t want to.” He came even closer to study her face up close. He was even taller than he normally was on those rollerblades, so he had to bend his knees to get close enough to look her in the eyes.

Rey felt tears coming, but she did know why. When she looked up at him, his brow was furrowed with concern as he reached out to touch her shoulder.

“Please don’t cry,” he whispered gently. “I’m sorry.”

Rey reached out and hugged him, almost making him lose his balance on his rollerblades. She squeezed him tightly around his waist, beginning to realize that it wasn’t just the present he had given her; Grandfather made sure that she and Hux were more than spoiled. It was the fact that Ben saw these roller skates as something they could do together. He wanted to share this with her. Every gift she had ever gotten was for her entertainment alone, while this was different. The skates were clearly selected for her, but Ben wanted to enjoy them  _ with _ her.

“They’re perfect,” Rey smiled up at Ben. He smiled back, lightly squeezing her shoulder. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rey had been living with Grandfather for about four years before what she since has come to refer to as “the incident.” She was nine, Hux was ten, and Ben had just turned twelve. During those years, several aspects of Rey’s life solidified. Grandfather continued to vacillate between indulgent and annoyed by Rey and Hux’s presence in his house. Luckily, his business took up the majority of his time and kept him away on various trips for long stretches. The house was large and moderately staffed, so even his limited time at home kept him reasonably occupied. Rey learned to just try to avoid him, while Hux tried to earn his praises. Unfortunately, this usually had the opposite effect. Grandfather would lavish praise on Rey simply because Hux wanted it so badly. This resulted in further resentment from Hux, but that only bothered Rey so much as it made him even more vindictive.

The Solo house became her true home because that was where Ben was, and Rey became close to his parents as the years passed. Dr. Solo was all smiles when she would find them playing together, always with a slight look of shock that someone would choose to spend so much time with her capricious son. Rey simply loved Mr. Solo. His sense of humor kept her laughing and she found his hobbies interesting. He studied astronomy and she loved to hear him talk about all the planets when he would set up his telescope in the backyard. Whenever things broke, he would race out to his shop to fix it. Sometimes he would let Rey assist, and she enjoyed learning about how things worked. 

His parents also seemed to enjoy Rey’s timidity in comparison to their son’s unpredictable aggression. They seemed almost grateful that Ben had someone that was capable of keeping up with his energy and imagination. Rey overheard Ceecil telling Ben’s mother that, “Miss Rey’s friendship seems to help with his anger because he doesn’t like upsetting her with his tantrums.” Rey quietly acknowledged the truth behind the statement. Ben had fewer outbursts, but when he did get mad, it was… explosive. The destruction he caused was the same, there was just more of it… focused on more expensive things. He broke his television, two tablets, his gaming console, and some special vase that had been in Dr. Solo’s family for generations. She cried about it for about a week, which made even Rey feel guilty enough to make her a card. He still never got punished for his destruction or even reprimanded. His parents didn’t seem afraid of his tantrums, but they didn’t bother to do anything about them. Rey began to think his anger might be caused by their dismissal of his frustrations.

In spite of his anger issues, Ben still became Rey’s very best friend. He learned things about her and remembered them. He knew all her favorites: games, shows, songs, books, and toys. He even knew all the names of her dolls and stuffed animals. He also allowed her to make a home for herself within his space. A shelf in his bedroom was filled with her toys that they played with together. She had a favorite hot chocolate mug in the kitchen and a blanket in the den. Ben allowed her access to everything of his own and was protective of anything that was hers. Her drawings hung on his walls and Ceecil knew not to touch them. Rey noticed how careful he was to show respect to her things and she appreciated it. Having someone think of her, care about her, know her, was a blessing she cherished.

While her friendship with Ben provided her a sense of understanding, the complications of living with Hux did not. When she came to live with Grandfather, he had been mostly easy to avoid. She spent most of her time alone until she met Ben and then would escape to his house. The school year required uncomfortable bus rides with Hux, but Ben was there to take the sting out of those interactions. At home, Grandfather seemed to enjoy pitting Rey against Hux with his comments and praises. Nothing would ignite Hux’s laser focus eyes like a compliment about Rey’s grades or her skills on the soccer field, and Rey deserved to be praised in both those respects. She was one of the brightest students in her class, and her athletic skills made her successful in almost every sport she played. 

Hux, however, was very intelligent, but not in the traditional academic fashion. He was a problem solver and even a bit of a manipulator, which made his jealousy of Grandfather’s attentions all the more amusing to Rey. Grandfather played with his emotions, and he followed suit every time. He made up for his shortcomings with Grandfather by tormenting others. His favorite targets were the household staff and classmates at school, but he always had time to torment Rey. 

Ben was also a constant target of his wrath, but Hux was wary of Ben’s anger, so his taunts only went so far. Perhaps this had to do with his lanky body that never allowed him to gain weight in spite of his voracious appetite. Ben was also older, taller, and far more muscular than Hux, and, like Rey, he was athletic. So, there was a delicate balance of mutual dislike that existed with Rey and Ben on one side and Hux on the other. Rey assumed this was how it would always be, not realizing until years later the delicate trap that Hux had laid.

It began one December afternoon that Rey was spending at the Solo house decorating gingerbread houses with Ben, his mother, and Ceecil. It had become a favorite holiday tradition of Rey’s that she had started to look forward to each year. Dr. Solo had really gone all out with the decorations by getting some in the shapes of their favorite cartoon characters. 

"Oh, Miss Rey," said Ceecil. "I have never seen such a whimsical home. Your choice of colors makes it look like a fairy tale. And Master Ben, your house is also quite a marvel of architectural design."

Ben’s roof slid off for the third time, and Rey couldn’t help but laugh as his face scrunched in frustration. Of course Ben couldn’t create a regular gingerbread house; his was multi-leveled -- a disaster waiting to happen. Rey carefully placed red cinnamon hearts on the trim of her tootsie roll chimney as Ben slathered more icing on his roof.

“That’s beautiful, Rey,” Dr. Solo whispered over her shoulder, as she tried to help Ben steady his roof. For the moment, it seemed to be holding. “Why don’t you work on decorating the bottom, Ben, while this firms up a bit.” She turned her attention back to Rey. “Rey?” Dr. Solo asked as she sat down at the table across from her. “I’ve been meaning to ask you if you would like to come with me to a Christmas tea party. It’s to raise money for the new children’s wing at the hospital. It sounds beautiful -- it’s going to be a Christmas wonderland with candles and snow. They’re going to teach us how to have ‘high tea.’ Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

It did, it really did. Rey mused on the thought as Ben caught her eye. His hands hovered over his gingerbread house as his eyes darted back and forth between Rey and his mother. His forehead scrunched in confusion and his lips tightened into a straight line. He seemed to be taking in their conversation with a particular fascination, but not the good kind.

“Do we get to dress up?”

“Of course,” Dr. Solo smiled. “Only our finest would do for such an occasion. Each guest is encouraged to bring a doll along to enjoy the tea party splendor. I’ll have to dig out Miss Amidala from the closet. I’m sure she’d love to get out for some air.”

Rey was beaming. She was already trying to decide which of her dolls should come along. Cordé was her favorite, but she might not clean up for such a fancy occasion. Perhaps Ahsoka would do. 

“Bam!”

Everyone startled at the table, except Ben, who was pounding his gingerbread house into crumbs. Ceecil ended up with a glob of frosting coating his cheek and candies plunked to the floor as Chewie darted under the table to eat them. Ben’s fists were clenched tightly as he continued to hammer the broken remains, and after a few moments, his annihilation was complete. His head was tucked into his chest, but his shoulders rose and fell while everyone was frozen in shock. Well, not complete shock. This was a classic Ben Solo outburst. A few seconds went by before Ceecil reached to remove the tray of gingerbread destruction from before Ben. Dr. Solo got up from the table and walked out of the kitchen followed soon after by Ceecil’s scurrying feet. 

Rey took in Ben, sitting stiffly while his fists began to loosen on his lap. His shoulders continued to shudder, but Rey thought it might be time. She did what she always did. She rose from her seat and went over to sit as close to him as she could. She placed her arm around him and leaned in to rest her cheek on his shoulder when she felt him jerk away. Oh, this was new. He pushed away from the table and stood with his back facing her.

“Ben?”

“Why do you want to spend time with her?” His question was cold and firm. This isn’t how Ben talked to Rey… ever. 

“I don’t… What do you mean?”

At this he whipped around to face her, his eyes blazing with something she’d never seen before… anger? Hatred? It couldn’t be, could it?

“Why are you here? Why don’t you ever go home? Do you want to live here?” He asked each question with a slow emphasis as his eyes continued to narrow into hers. “Do you want this to be yours?” He waved his hand around indicating the kitchen, the house, his family, his life -- Rey wasn’t sure.

“I…”

“Do you?” he shouted in his angry Ben Solo voice that surprisingly didn’t sound like his at all. His eyes bored into her, it was… scary… upsetting… unexpected...

“Yes,” she whispered because it was true, wasn’t it? She did want to live here. She did want this to be her home. Of course she did, but for some reason it seemed like it wasn’t the answer he wanted even if it was the one he expected.

“Go home.” He almost growled at her. His eyes were fiery with anger, but also an icy cold.

Rey’s eyes began to well with tears, her ears began to ring, and her heart pounded as a sick nauseous spinning began in her stomach. What was happening? What was he saying? 

"Go home," he said again, slowly and firmly this time with a sense of finality. His expression was hard, closed off, like the other Ben. She had to look away. He had never looked at her with eyes so cold and unfeeling. Other people, yes, but her? No, never, not once. Anger rolled off him in waves so strong she could almost feel it. No wonder Dr. Solo and Ceecil had left.

And there was nothing, absolutely nothing Rey could do in response except go. She left her half decorated gingerbread house on the table, went to grab her coat from the hallway closet, and let herself out the front door. He didn’t follow after her or offer any sense of resolution to whatever it was that had just happened. Slowly closing the door behind her, she felt like she was leaving something behind but had no idea what that was exactly. She trudged along her well worn path back to Grandfather’s without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything was different after that day. It was as if an imaginary wall was built between Rey and Ben so strong that nothing could penetrate it. Her inquisitive looks and greetings at the school bus never seemed to reach him, so eventually they stopped completely. She quit trying to catch his eye or do anything at all that would hint of the friendship that meant more to her than anything. Suddenly, it was as if the Solos didn’t live next door and Ben became the stranger to her that he was to everyone else. 

And yet, deep inside was an aching sting she’d never experienced before. Being left by her parents had been painful, but probably not in the way it should have been. She never felt connected to them. Her interactions with them were much like those with Grandfather: formal, polite, superficial, and empty of any type of emotion. It was like it never mattered how she responded to their inquiries, they didn’t seem to care what her responses were anyway. They were just questions asked out of obligation, not actual interest or concern. But Ben was the person that did care -- that she cared about, more than anyone else. He meant everything to her, everything important that was now just gone.

She didn’t understand why or how this happened or what she could possibly do to fix it. Ben made it quite clear that she was not wanted in his space anymore. He couldn’t tolerate her presence, so he didn’t. The only time she saw him was on the school bus and he refused to acknowledge her in any way. He would wait until she got on the bus, follow behind and take a seat several rows in front or behind her, whichever would put him farther away. In the afternoon, he would step from the bus and jerk his shoulder toward home while keeping his head down. There was no way to misinterpret his signal that she wasn’t invited.

Hux watched Ben and Rey with a growing satisfaction. At first he observed their tense interaction with a piqued interest, but as soon as he determined the level of Ben’s hostility towards Rey, he began to make it a topic of conversation with anyone he could engage. “I guess even Ben Solo was able to figure out how strange my cousin is,” he loudly announced to the entire bus. During dinner one evening, he smuggly asked, “What have you done to make Ben hate you that much? I know he’s a jerk, but he  _ really _ hates you.” An evil, knowing smile spread across his face as he began one of his rants about how terrible Ben Solo was and how much more horrible Rey must be if she couldn’t even keep  _ him _ as a friend. To all this, Rey was stoic, taking on the mask she’d seen Ben wear. Surprisingly, this made her feel close to him.

Rey struggled to find a new way to go about her day that didn’t include Ben and his family. His parents, Chewie, and even Ceecil were part of a circle of which she was now completely excluded. She never heard again about the tea party Dr. Solo had invited her to, but even the thought of it made her stomach hurt, so it was probably for the best. She didn’t realize how much she had grown attached to Mr. and Dr. Solo. They had spent more time at home in recent years and she had begun to look up to them as the parents she never had. So much of her day had been at their house, that now she felt a sting of isolation being without them. Although there were people around at Grandfather’s, it just wasn’t the same.

During those painful first few weeks, Rey allowed herself to sneak into the old playhouse and stare out the window into the Solo's backyard. She never saw anyone outside, but occasionally the door would open and Chewie would bound out to run the length of the yard. One time Rey called out to him, and he began to frantically bark back at her. Soon all the lights were on in the backyard, and Rey cowered below the clubhouse window in embarrassment and shame. She promised herself not to ever do that again as she watched in horror as Ben emerged and called Chewie back inside. He stopped at the porch step and looked over at the playhouse for a long moment. She could feel his eyes. She knew he couldn’t see her as she had angled herself below the window’s edge, but he knew she was there. He looks so sad; the thought burst into her mind unbidden. For a moment she considered calling out to him, her lips began to form his name, but just before she could, a violent crash shocked her to silence. 

Ben had picked up a clay pot next to the back door and hurled it against the patio. He reached for a smaller one and did the same. He crushed about five flower pots before he stopped, his shoulders visibly seething in the shadows. Rey could hear him breathing heavily and then his head shot to hers. In her surprise, she had sat up to see him better through the window, and she realized she was now on full display before him. She knew he was furious, so furious that it actually made her scared. Scared, and incredibly sad. It was like she could feel different parts of her heart breaking within her chest. He hated her. She saw it in his eyes, and nothing had ever hurt as much as that simple fact.

He quickly turned and went back into the house, slamming the back door so hard that it bounced open again. Ceecil bumbled out moments later to assess the damage and immediately went about cleaning up the mess that was left behind. Soon Dr. Solo came out to see the damage. Neither said a word, but they both suddenly looked up at Rey’s playhouse. Thankfully she had hidden herself around the side of the window, but she knew that they must be blaming her this very moment for whatever she had done to make him so upset. They must hate her, too.

This was only one piece of the incident that took Ben Solo away from her, but the final blow occurred only a few weeks later. After an excruciatingly boring holiday break, Rey was eager to go back to school for no other reason than to have something to do that didn’t directly involve Hux. He seemed to be enjoying Rey’s heartache and revelled in reminding her of her rejection whenever he could. It was difficult to stomach him now that she didn’t have time with Ben to make her feel better about… well, everything going on in her life. Still, she decided school could be an escape if she chose to make it one.

She and Hux waited at the end of their driveway on the cold, frosty morning. It was the first day back to school after the holiday, and Rey was bouncing up and down partly to keep herself warm and partly to maintain her excitement of finally going somewhere. Ben trudged up his driveway, but these days he lingered away from the two of them and always kept his eyes on whatever electronic device he had in his hand. With his headphones, he could be somewhat successful in avoiding both Rey and Hux until the bus came. However, Hux wasn’t going to let that happen on this particular day.

“Solo,” he called.

Ben continued to stare at his device, but Rey could see the way his body suddenly stiffened. He definitely heard him. Hux was persistent, though.

“Solo!” he yelled louder this time. 

No response.

Finally, his hands circled his mouth and he screamed, “Solo!” Rey thought she heard something across the street that sounded remarkably like, “Shut up, kid!” She watched in horror to see how this would play out. Hux was an idiot. If Ben didn’t want to talk to him, socialization was not something  _ anyone _ could force upon him.

Just when Rey thought Hux would have to come up with another way to get his attention, Ben turned. He looked at Hux with a serious expression. Rey searched really, really carefully to read anything, but his face was completely blank -- wiped clean of emotion. He didn’t look like himself at all. It was unsettling.

Hux quickly took the opportunity, probably knowing he wasn’t going to keep his attention for long. Rey prayed that it was hopefully not long enough for whatever he had planned.

“Did you have fun with your family, Solo? Without the little scavenger sucking up all the attention, I mean.” The comment would have hurt, if Rey hadn’t heard variations of it from Hux a million times the last few weeks. At this point, it had lost its meaning. Hux’s delivery had been perfected with practice, though. He seemed sincere, but that only meant he had a true zinger just waiting to unload any second. She was afraid of what that might be. Ben looked at him indifferently. Rey thought she saw his right eye twitch -- it did that sometimes. A smile spread evenly across Hux’s face, and based on the twinkle of his eyes, this was going to be bad. “I bet your parents just loved spending time with you… just you.” 

That was it. Ben threw whatever was in his hands to the ground with a smack. He stalked over to Hux and just started punching. Hux didn’t have a chance. Ben was bigger, stronger, and really, really angry. He pounded mercilessly on Hux’s face over and over. Rey tried to grab Ben’s arm, but he was unstoppable. He was somewhere else and Rey wasn’t strong enough to even get his attention.

She ran to Ben’s house; it never occurred to her to go to her own house to get help. She screamed in the front door and immediately heard footsteps coming. Mr. Solo must have been in the kitchen because he was there within a moment. All Rey could do was whisper, “Ben,” as she pointed to the end of the driveway. Rey slumped to the ground by the door as Ceecil stopped at her side. Dr. Solo ran out the door shouting to Ben’s dad.

The rest of the morning was a blur. Grandfather had been alerted that Hux was injured and he reluctantly appeared at the end of the driveway in his car. He directed his driver to return him to the house and then take Hux and the nanny to the hospital. Dr. Solo said he needed stitches on his cheek, his chin, and probably above his eye. She insisted he go to the hospital right away because he would need to have an x-ray to check for a concussion. His head was slammed against the cement several times, resulting in scratches and scrapes. Ben’s parents issued their continual apologies, promised punishments and payments, and whatever… Rey stopped paying attention. At some point the bus came, but Rey didn’t get on and no one seemed to notice. Several students looked out the windows in awe, and Rey was sure there would be a lot to deal with tomorrow.

While all this went on, Rey stood back watching Ben. After Mr. Solo had pulled him off Hux and shoved him to the ground so he could see to Hux’s bloody face, Ben had buried his head in his knees and hadn’t looked up. There he was, just like he always was in the aftermath of an emotional explosion. Rey regarded him closely. She could feel the moment when she was supposed to go to him. Her body was trained, and it took every ounce of strength to keep her feet planted firmly to the ground. His head shook as if clearing a thought for a brief moment, and then he looked up to survey the scene before him. His eyes flitted all around looking for… her. For a long moment, he just looked at her, and she looked back. Rey was stuck; she just... couldn’t. He stared a moment longer, his face expressionless, and then his head dropped back into his lap.

That was the last time Rey saw Ben for almost eight years. After the incident, his parents immediately sent him to live with his uncle who was some kind of religious zealot that could “help Ben learn how to control himself.” As the years passed, she learned this uncle was more of a highly-educated and extremely overqualified life-coaching yoga instructor. Rey couldn’t argue that Ben could use someone like that in his life, and she always heard good things from the Solos about his “progress.” 

Hux’s injuries ended up being rather severe. He needed stitches that made him look like a Halloween character and had symptoms of a concussion for several weeks. Unfortunately, the Solos had hefty bank accounts that were more than capable of providing all the plastic surgery needed to fix Hux’s ugly face. Rey thought his scars more appropriately matched his personality, but then no one asked her opinion. He was even more of a nightmare to live with afterwards, but there also seemed to be a new hesitancy about him. Rey supposed he finally had to admit that he could only push people so far without paying for it -- maybe even in ways he hadn’t anticipated.

Rey recalled that being the end of a significant part of her childhood. Everything else from that moment on had a purpose. She set goals to accomplish and made expectations for herself. Life wasn’t fun anymore, instead it was about doing what needed to be done so she could move on to the next thing. And so, at the age of nine, Rey’s life became a to-do list. High on her list was getting as far away from Hux and Grandfather as possible. So, she poured her energy into the activities that were presented to her: school, practice for various sports, and running. Rey began running as fast as she could for as long as she could until she couldn’t breathe and her chest burned. She was never really sure if she was running away from something like Ben had done during recess on the playground or if she was running toward something. But then, it didn’t really matter, did it?


	4. Chapter 4

Rey’s next interaction with Ben occurred when she was seventeen. She hadn’t talked to him or even seen him up close in all the years since he’d left to live with his uncle, but she did see him from a distance the few times a year when he came home to visit. She hated to admit it, but she was aware of every reference to him, no matter how slight or passing. She knew she shouldn’t allow herself to be so affected by the mere mention of his name, but in spite of her best efforts, she was. It was early in the summer soon after Ben finished his first year of college that she actually faced him and all the emotions that he drew out in her. 

He had been home for the last few weeks, which was the longest stretch he’d been home since he moved out. Rey noticed him a few times a week working with his father in the yard or attempting to fix the rolling rustbucket of a car they must have found in a junkyard somewhere. Rey would watch discreetly from her car in the driveway on the fortunate occasion that they would be out when she came or went. She was always careful of not lingering too long because she could tell that he was always subtly watching her as well. His head would turn to follow her car as she drove down the driveway and past the front of his house. They seemed to have an unspoken rule that they could steal quick glances at each other, but that was it.

She’d noticed through the years how he grew closer and closer to Mr. Solo’s height and breadth before surpassing him completely. It was slightly intimidating to see how he began to tower over his father who Rey always considered to be tall. She absolutely refused to allow herself to examine his body when she happened to see him from a back window of her house while he was relaxing by the pool. It had taken a tremendous amount of self-control not to look, but even the quick glance was enough to make her stomach spin and her heart race. In spite of the stinging ache she felt when she saw him, she could easily admit to herself that he was the most handsome guy she knew. It wasn’t just his looks, it was also the aura of maturity he exuded as he grew to fit his gangly body. He walked with an air of confidence and strength that he never had before, and Rey was fascinated by this unexpected change. It was mesmerizing to watch his movements even from afar. She couldn’t imagine actually talking to him because of his imposing frame and demeanor, even if she did feel drawn to him like a magnet.

One late evening, she was saying goodbye to her boyfriend. His first name was Alexander, but everyone referred to him by his last name: Plutt. She was standing with him in the driveway by his car trying to figure out how to end things with him as he droned on about the upcoming football season and his athletic prowess. Rey was pressured into going out with him because her friends insisted he was the one of the best looking guys in school. She didn’t see it at all, and the past three months of dating had solidified that fact even more firmly in her mind. He was a self-righteous prick that, looking back on it, was exactly the type of person teenagers tend to view as popular. In reality, he was just too intimidating to be told that he wasn’t. He believed he should be listened to and his opinions should be valued even if they were the dumbest ones in the room, and they were… most of the time. His loud mouth and conceit were as ridiculous and he was. Unfortunately, it was reinforced by the cowering masses around him that were too afraid to be on the receiving end of his condescending arrogance.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I really should be getting inside.” Rey wasn’t really sorry to interrupt, but he didn’t leave a space in his ramblings to get a word in. This pause did provide the moment of silence he apparently needed to notice the sound of an engine struggling to start. All of his attention was immediately drawn to the driveway next door where Ben and Mr. Solo had finally gotten the rustbucket to start with a loud revving grumble.

“What the hell kinda car is that?” Plutt mumbled as he made his way down the driveway to investigate. Rey heard Dr. Solo cheer from a window above and she could see Ben give his dad an animated high five.

“That’s just the neighbors. Please don’t bother…” Rey was talking to herself as she watched Plutt cross the yard. She felt her heart begin to pound as she silently begged him to stop walking.

“You’re kidding!” Plutt yelled above the sound of the engine. In the driveway, Ben and Mr. Solo turned to him as he approached the purring car. “That’s a Ford Falcon, right? What year is it?”

Mr. Solo looked confused by the intrusion, but he replied, “It’s a ‘63.”

Plutt continued to approach the car and Rey reluctantly followed after him. Stupid Plutt. Who did he think he was creating this nightmare of a situation and intruding on what certainly appeared to be a happy moment for Ben and his dad? She hated him even more than she did five minutes ago.

“Wow! Congratulations,” he said as he began to circle the car. “You’ve still got a lot of work to do, but it’s all downhill from here, right?” He grinned stupidly at them.

“Hopefully,” Han nodded as he stood back to admire the car.

“Plutt.” Rey’s feet were still somehow taking her closer to the scene of mortification before her. “We should probably…” He wouldn’t even turn to look at her. Ben did, though. He had a stunned expression that immediately narrowed into something else as he looked between her Plutt.

“How long have you been working on it?” Plutt asked.

Ben reached into the car to turn the engine off and glared at Plutt from where he stood behind the door.

“Just a few months,” said Han as he wiped the side of his face leaving a smear of grease behind.

“Plutt, please.” Rey really was begging him now, pleading for this to end. She began to consider just leaving without him.

“Rey, shut up for Christ’s sake.” He turned to look at her in annoyance and then resumed his admiration of the car. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Her hands involuntarily hugged herself protectively around her middle. She felt herself get smaller.

Mr. Solo's head cocked suddenly to the side and his eyes got large. He looked at Ben and something seemed to pass silently between them before Ben gave his father a quick nod. Mr. Solo turned and headed back to the garage without saying a word. Ben slowly walked around the door of the car and stood next to the engine, resting his hand on the hood. His body was tense and Rey could read the aggression in his stance, something of which Plutt was completely oblivious as he leaned over to examine the engine. 

“Who are you?” Ben asked in a clipped, angry tone. Rey couldn’t help but notice how deep his voice had gotten and how much it had changed into the voice of someone else.

Plutt looked up from the engine and flashed one of his sparkly grins. God did she hate him. “I’m Alex Plutt.” He reached out to shake hands, but Ben stood firmly with his hand still gripping the edge of the hood.

“Don’t ever talk to Rey like that.” Inside, it felt like a spring snapped. Her entire body flooded with emotions at just the sound of his voice saying her name. It made her sad and scared and thrilled all at once. She was completely overwhelmed. She took in the sheer size of him. It seemed like Ben had magically grown bigger right before her eyes, with his shoulders expanding and the muscles in his arm tightening.

Plutt’s attention shifted from the car to Ben and the stupid idiot began to look like he thought he could actually take Ben. “Who the hell do you think you are? I can talk to my girlfriend anyway I want.” Plutt was even dumber than she thought. 

Rey was paralyzed. She looked to Mr. Solo to stop what she feared was coming, but he continued to walk further down the driveway. She wanted to call out to him, but it appeared that he and Ben had made an unspoken agreement about how this would play out. There was absolutely nothing she could do to stop this train from going off the tracks, and evidently Mr. Solo was in perfect agreement with whatever Ben had planned.

Ben took his hand off the hood and stepped even closer to Plutt. His voice was frighteningly calm and stern. “I am someone who will tell you that you will never be disrespectful like that to Rey again.” His hands rested on his hips as he looked down at him like he was scolding a child. 

Plutt stood in front of him for a moment deciding how he was going to respond. When his right arm went back to go for a punch, Ben was ready. Faster than she could process, Ben grabbed his wrist and twisted Plutt’s arm around, holding him tightly. Plutt was helpless. He was smart enough at least to realize he had no other choice but to wait for Ben to release him. 

“Get the hell out of here before I beat your face until there’s nothing left of it,” Ben growled as he shoved him away. Plutt stumbled a little before regaining his footing.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Plutt yelled as he made his way back through the yard. “Come on, Rey,” he yelled over his shoulder as he passed her.

Rey’s feet were still frozen to the ground. She didn’t know what to do. She felt herself begin to panic. Ben’s eyes went to hers and the anger she saw brewing in his expression quickly turned into alarm. It was almost as if he didn't want her to leave. Rey was confused. 

“Rey!” Plutt yelled. “Come on!”

Nope. Rey decided she wasn’t. She wasn’t going to follow him, not with Ben looking at her like that. Plutt turned back to look at her in question, beginning to realize that she might, in fact, not be following him. He stopped and stared a moment at her in challenge. She shook her head.

“Okay. That’s fine with me.” He shrugged as he turned away. “Bitch!” He yelled loudly while he stormed back to his car.

Ben thrust into action, lurching after him, but Rey stepped in front of him. “Ben,” she placed her hand on his chest. “Ben, please.” His eyes went to hers. They were fiery with rage and the tension in his jaw created an angry grimace. She could feel the unchecked fury seething under her fingertips. “Please,” she whispered.

He exhaled and nodded. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and when he opened them, his expression had changed into something else. She didn’t know exactly what it was, but it made her relax, and she felt tears begin in her eyes. For some reason, when Ben noticed this, his hand went to her cheek to gently wipe a falling tear with his thumb. He stunned her by pulling her head into his chest and protectively holding her body against him.

Rey began to appreciate that Ben wasn’t just tall, he was huge. She was overwhelmed by everything: his hand gently cradling the back of her head, the heat radiating from his body, the light touch of his other hand on her lower back. Rey didn’t understand what was happening, but she felt tears come quickly as waves of soothing comfort radiated from his arms that suddenly began squeezing her tightly and pulling her even closer. It felt so good; she was dizzy and disoriented. All the tension in her body began to ease as it relished in this gift of peace for the first time in years. The tears continued as the emotions that had been bottled up for the longest time washed over her. Soon great sobs felt like they would completely overwhelm her. She held onto Ben like he was saving her from drowning and his touch kept her from being completely lost by the throbbing agony inside.

The sound of Plutt’s car starting broke the silence. Ben's hand gently pressed her head securely into the crook of his neck as he pulled her body even tighter against him. Plutt's car raced down the road and hopefully out of her life. She began to tremble and Ben’s hands moved around her back with a reassuring gentleness.

“Shh, Rey,” he whispered. “It’s okay.” His voice was so different. It was hard to reconcile it with the voice existing in her memories, but it was still him. She missed his voice so much. It was probably the voice she trusted the most in the world, even after everything. 

She felt so safe in his arms, and she realized that this was a feeling that she had forgotten all about. Being guarded was how she lived her life and his comfort was intoxicating. In that moment, she felt that everything 

he said was true. It was okay. Ben was here with her, holding her, guarding her, and soothing that familiar burn in her chest like a calming balm. She let him hold her for several minutes until the security he exuded morphed into something else. 

Rey pressed herself against him during an extra tight squeeze until she felt his body freeze with discomfort. She let go immediately and stepped back. She wasn’t sure what she had done, but the look on his face made her nervous. He looked at her closely with a shyness that didn’t seem to fit. He leaned down to bring his eyes level to hers like he was examining her face for clues. He placed his hand gently on her cheek again, allowing his thumb to trace the line now dry of the tears his comfort had pulled from her. With soft eyes, he let his hand drop slowly to his side.

“Please don’t let anyone talk to you like that. You deserve so much more. Promise me.” He looked earnest. A part of her thundered inside at the memory of how he treated her, how much pain he had caused. In comparison, Plutt’s annoyances were nothing. He seemed to follow her train of thought.

“I know I was an asshole to you. I’m so sorry for that.” His head angled as he studied her expression closely. “It was good that I left. I would have kept hurting you, even if I didn’t want to.” He paused. "And I never ever wanted to hurt you, but I have a habit of destroying what I cherish the most."

Rey didn’t know what to say to his admission. It sounded like he was apologizing, but what he said didn’t feel like an apology. It seemed like he was trying to say something more. For as much as she wanted to argue that abandoning her had been devastating, she couldn’t disagree that he would have hurt her in other ways. Just the same, he hadn’t hurt her tonight. He’d actually done just the opposite.

“Thanks for helping with...” she shrugged.

“Of course,” he nodded quietly. 

Rey took a long look before turning to go home. He was even more handsome up close. She never admitted to herself until that moment that every other guy on earth would be placed on her Ben Solo scale and she knew -- she just knew that it would be impossible for anyone to pass beyond him. Damn him. 

“Rey, wait.” He took a few steps to stand right in front of her. He slid his arm around her waist to pull her slightly closer as he placed a soft kiss on her cheek. When he stepped back, he looked nervous -- like he feared he made a mistake and was apprehensive of her response.

Rey was conflicted. Part of her wanted to throw her arms around his neck and indulge in the dizzying sensations he inspired -- feelings she never had with anyone and certainly never with Plutt. Right now it felt like something inside was turning on lights and switches in her body that had never been activated before. On the other hand, part of her wanted to die right here from sheer embarrassment and humiliation.

In the end, she did what she always did in those quiet moments with Ben. She smiled at him the way she used to smile at him after an outburst, full of understanding and intimacy. He followed suit and smiled back. Her heart skipped a beat and she turned to head home. A glance over her shoulder showed that he was still watching her from where he was leaning against the front of the car.

Rey didn’t see Ben after that night. The car still sat out front, but neither he nor Mr. Solo spent any time working on it. She never saw him outside either, so she assumed he must have gone back to wherever he was living. Rey continued to glance over in hopes that one of those times, he might finally have come home again. Perhaps they could rekindle some part of their friendship after all, but the next opportunity didn’t present itself until more than two years later. 


	5. Chapter 5

Rey was home from college for her winter break during her sophomore year when she got roped into attending a hospital benefit in Grandfather’s stead. He had been planning to attend, but a complication had arisen in the legal department that needed his authoritative input. Rey would have dismissed the invitation, but she learned that Dr. Solo was being recognized for her recent achievement. Since Rey decided to go into medicine, she had been following Dr. Solo’s attainment of the position of Director of Pediatrics at Alderaan General Hospital. The more Rey learned about some of her work at the hospital, the more she wanted to know. Perhaps seeing everything play out under the protected umbrella of a donor could give her insight into the inner workings of hospital life. A slight bonus was possibly running into Ben. She knew was home because she’d seen him return from a jog yesterday looking even more striking than he did the last time she had a glimpse of him.

An hour into the banquet, she realized what a drastic misjudgement she had made. Being a donor meant you sat at a table with other donors who all happened to be about ninety-years old and ridiculously rich with attitudes to match. Once the excitement of having someone at their table that was under the age of sixty had worn off and they realized she was only standing in for her rich grandfather, she’d been ignored completely. Not that she minded that part, but there wasn’t really anything going on at all. 

She had briefly seen Dr. Solo pass through the room on the way to what must be her special table of honor, but that was it. If Ben and Mr. Solo were here, and she assumed they had to be, they were probably on the other side of the room with her. She began to fidget with her napkin in hopes the food would at least be decent.

By the second boring hour, Rey decided the chicken was okay, but everything else was a bust. She had resorted to entertaining herself by stacking the butter cups into a tower. She kept getting nasty looks from the lady on her right, but she stopped caring what she thought after she was asked to pick up her silverware for the third time.

Rey just happened to look up in time to see Mr. Solo. He had a glass in his hand and was weaving his way through the tables when he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Rey?” He looked at her closely. “Wow, you look so grown up!” He smiled at her and she immediately felt like she was being resurrected from the dead.

“Mr. Solo!” She slowly extracted herself from the chair that she was plastered to by a layer of sweat. “Congratulations!”

“Come and see Leia. She was just talking about you. We heard you’re considering medicine.” He motioned for her to follow him. “She was beaming about it. Come on…”

Rey was thrilled to get away from her table of dinosaurs and closer to the real action. She saw Ben as soon as she stood up; actually, she was surprised that she hadn’t seen him from where she was sitting. He must have been at the wrong angle. He was clearly the tallest one at the table and he looked every bit the part of the bored twenty-two year old son the way he was slouched over the --- wait a minute! He was leaning over the back of the chair of the beautiful blond haired girl seated next to him. Damn he looked handsome in his suit. Rey’s heart began to race and break at the same time as she watched the huge eyed girl next to him tap her hand on his knee. Rey had to force herself to look at Leia instead so her smile at least had a chance of looking somewhat sincere.

“Rey!” Dr. Solo jumped up from her seat. “Han, where did you find her?”

“She was over with the donors,” he mumbled as he took a drink.

“I’m so glad to see you, Rey.” She gave Rey a tight hug and pulled back to look at her. “You look so different. I almost didn’t recognize you.” She smiled. “I heard you’re thinking of going into medicine. Is that true?” Her smile grew even larger.

“Yes.” Rey shrugged her shoulders. “I’m only a sophomore, though, so there’s a lot more to go.”

“Well, that’s okay. It takes time.” Dr. Solo grabbed her hand and started to pat it. “Ben’s almost done with undergrad. One semester to go.” She looked over her shoulder at him and rolled her eyes. “He wants to go to Tatooine, though. And he won’t let anyone talk him out if it.” She frowned.

“Oh, that’s great…” Rey was forced to meet his eyes and she was surprised by his sudden transformation. He was no longer draped over the blond's chair, but was instead sitting uncomfortably straight. He looked like he’d been caught doing something nefarious, making the same guilty face he had when Dr. Solo caught the two of them trying to hack into Ceecil’s computer years ago. That girl seemed confused by whatever was going on with him and threw Rey an angry look. Rey cleared her throat. “That’s really fantastic, Ben. Congratulations.”

He just stared at her blankly looking stunned. Apparently Rey and his date weren’t the only ones to notice Ben’s stupor. Mr. Solo stepped behind him and whacked him on the back of the head. “You okay?” he asked.

Ben shook his head as he seemed to come out of whatever trance he was in. He stood up so fast, his chair made a noise and his… date??? practically fell out of her chair. “I’m fine.” He stared intently at Rey. “Thank you, Rey... for the compliment.”

Dr. Solo pulled Rey away from the table and laughed. “Just ignore him. Whenever a pretty girl is around, he turns into an even bigger idiot than his father.”

Rey flinched. “Oh, are they serious?” she asked quietly. She didn’t mean to imply anything; the question just slipped out before she could stop it. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”

Dr. Solo tilted her head in confusion. "Oh, her?" she said with a chuckle. “Dear, God! I hope not!” She grimaced and waved a hand dismissively. “Anyway, tell me about how you’re doing.”

Dr. Solo gave Rey all her attention in the middle of the banquet being held in her honor. She asked all about Rey’s classes and professors until she was called away. It was very flattering, and it easily made up for the crappy food and lousy seat. Rey refused to process the nightmare of seeing a suave looking Ben Solo hanging all over an attractive girl. 

She began to make her way back to her seat when she felt a hand on her elbow. It was Ben.

“Rey?” He must have grown in the last two years because she had to look up at him… in her big girl heels. “Can we talk for a moment?”

Somehow she was able to get her head to nod in response.

His hand trailed down her arm, grabbed her fingers, and he led her through the room. She felt like she was going to hyperventilate. She couldn’t help herself from noticing the way his hand looked holding onto hers. Once they got beyond all the tables, he let go and lightly placed his hand on the small of her back as he guided her out of the main room and down the hall.

He turned to face her when they got to a quiet corner a distance from the door. She finally was able to take in the full brunt force of him in a dark suit with a stunning red tie and neatly trimmed hair that revealed a bit more of his ears than she knew he intended. He looked like he just stepped out of one of her fantasies, and she realized she might not survive whatever was about to happen. A whirlwind of emotions were spinning through her entire body. How was it possible that he kept getting more and more handsome? She hated how much she noticed everything about him. Like the fact that his tie was a little crooked and he had a healing scrape on the back of the hand that was pressed into the wall slightly above her head in a manner that felt surprisingly intimate.

“I’m sorry. If I’d known you wanted to come, I would have brought you myself.” He looked apologetic.

She couldn’t help being insulted by the comment. “Why would I need you to bring me? We haven’t done anything together in years.” Her tone sounded accusing and more annoyed than it probably should have.

He shook his head in disbelief. “I’m sorry? I thought you were here to see my mother.” He looked confused.

“I am here to see your mother,” Rey countered.

“But if I knew that you wanted to be here, I could have brought you.” He paused. “So you could be with us.”

“Why would I want to be with you?” Why on earth would he think she would have wanted to sit at the table with him and that blond model? There wasn’t anything wrong with her table. Well, there was, but he didn’t know that. It was arrogant of him to believe she couldn’t come here on her own to honor his mother.

He took a step back and rubbed his temple with his hand. His eye twitched. “Oh, I see.” His eyes caught hers, but the open expression he had a moment ago was gone. In its place was the cold unfeeling mask she remembered him using when he was trying to hide himself. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, he turned on his heels and stalked back into the room.

Rey stood in the hallway for a moment trying to process what just happened. She couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. Did he insult her? Or, did she just insult him? She knew one thing, and that was that there was no way she was going back in there. She figured she said her congratulations to Dr. Solo; therefore, her objective was accomplished anyway. She went home and had some ice cream in lieu of whatever kind of horrible cake they must have served for dessert.

Not that she would admit this to anyone, but she just happened to spend the rest of the evening in a room with a window that overlooked the Solo house. She couldn’t help noticing the lights of Mr. and Dr. Solo’s car when they got home at around 11:45, and it was pure luck that she happened to glance out the window right when Ben’s car pulled into the driveway a mere ten minutes later. She watched with a satisfied smirk as he walked alone into the house.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey never would have considered accepting a residency anywhere near her grandfather if it hadn’t been under the direct supervision of Dr. Solo. This was an opportunity that she couldn’t pass up. Dr. Solo had kept in touch with her sporadically since the banquet by email and the occasional holiday card, but Rey hadn’t realized how closely she had been following her education until she was well into her third year of medical school. Dr. Solo had insisted that Rey keep her informed about her progress and she even began calling her periodically to give her pep talks that she said “every hard-working med student needs once in a while.” She pushed Rey to discuss her mistakes and provided comfort and understanding that really did help her weather some difficult times. She gave Rey advice about her residency applications and supported her dreams and insecurities, but Rey knew she always wanted her to come home and work for her. It was mostly unspoken, but Rey knew it was what Dr. Solo -- “Leia. You are a peer now, Rey. Just call me Leia.” -- wanted and secretly what Rey wanted, too.

Rey never asked anyone about Ben. After he left, she just never did. She heard inklings from Hux about his success in medical school, but she never allowed herself to indulge him by asking him to elaborate, so she instead just changed the subject. She didn’t like Hux talking about Ben anyway. Honestly, she didn’t like anyone talking about Ben. It was just too painful, like a sore that never really healed. It would just have scabbed over only to be pulled off again when she least expected it, forcing it to begin healing all over again. Leia never mentioned him either, and so much time had passed with him never being brought up in conversation that it felt like she couldn’t bring him up.

When Rey learned she had been accepted at Alderan General Hospital, she released a breath it felt like she had been holding in for years. It felt like she was coming home in what was the best way possible. She immediately responded with her own acceptance and began looking for an apartment. All her hard work was beginning to pay off. She couldn’t wait to see Leia and maybe she could even see Mr. Solo. She thought about Ceecil, wondering if he was still working at the house. Maybe Leia would invite her for dinner sometime and she could see the inside of the house. She realized she was being ridiculous -- it was a job for heaven’s sake. But still, she fell asleep that night with a smile on her face.

When Grandfather learned of her return to Alderan -- because of course he would learn of it, he was paying all Rey’s bills -- he requested that she come to visit him once she was settled. Rey hadn’t seen him in a few years, blaming the intense demands of medical school and her erratic work schedule for her inability to travel. She had, after all, decided to attend college and medical school on the other side of the country, as far away as she could get to her life in that mansion. But, even she had to acknowledge that she couldn’t hide from him forever. She agreed to meet him for lunch, and he insisted she come to his office beforehand.

Rey hadn’t been in his office at First Order Pharmaceuticals since she last visited him in college. It was such a sterile building; it reminded her of the mansion. She knew her way to his office and was waved through by security when she mentioned her name. Figures the name Palpatine could be good for something. She took the long elevator ride up to the top floor and stepped out into the lobby where a beautiful water feature provided a calming environment complemented by the potted plants surrounding it. 

“Rey! It’s been so long. Do you remember me?” asked a redheaded woman.

“Yes, of course,” Rey smiled. “You’re Mrs. Tarkin.” She was Grandfather’s secretary or assistant or whatever. She was always around anything related to his work. Her smile seemed a little too forced, but then she would probably have to be fake to last this long working for Grandfather.

“I’m surprised you remember. It’s been such a long time.” She continued to beam at Rey. “Here’s someone else I’m sure you know…”

Hux, dammit. Why did she have to run into him? She knew he had some fancy job here selling their newest wonderdrug, but shouldn’t he be off in some meeting somewhere? Pretty much anywhere in the world would do, just not here standing right in front of her looking like a well dressed scarecrow. He actually had a smile pasted onto that snarky face and before Rey knew it, he had grabbed her hand to… what the hell? -- kiss it? His little bow actually made her feel nauseous. What kind of parallel universe was this?

“Rey,” he cooed. “It’s so wonderful to see you. Congratulations about your residency. I’m sure Dr. Solo must be so thrilled to have her long lost daughter back home again.”

Why was it that everything Hux ever said to her was beyond ridiculous? She wondered if Grandfather had told him she was coming or if this was a coincidence. Maybe he’d planned it just to throw her off her game -- typical Grandfather.

“Thank you, and congratulations to you as well.” She looked around to indicate the business. “I hear you’ve had a lot of success with your new drug.”

“Oh, yes. Things are very exciting. We have passed several milestones with our newly expanded research department.” He gave her a sly smile. “We’re working on a very promising new therapy for B Cell Lymphoma. You should check out the progress before you go.” Again with that smile. Rey wondered what he could possibly be hinting at. The sooner she could meet Grandfather and get out of here the better.

“That all sounds very interesting, but I’m just here to see Grandfather.”

“Oh, of course,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He gave her a wave and scurried off to do… whatever it was that Hux could possibly do for a living.

“Come this way, Rey,” encouraged Mrs. Tarkin as she led her to Grandfather’s office.

Being in Grandfather’s presence was never something Rey enjoyed. He had this ability to see through into your deepest insecurities and he had no qualms about bringing them up to the surface for a proper showing.

“My dear Ray,” he smiled. “You have come home at last.” He stood up from his desk and, dam it, she was going to have to hug him. His wrinkly hands grabbed her forearms before pulling her into his embrace. She tried to give him a squeeze like a granddaughter should, not too tight but certainly more than she wanted.

“Grandfather… I’ve missed you.” It was like her body rejected what she had just said by forcing her to choke a little -- stupid limbic system.

He smiled back at her. If he knew that was a lie, he apparently decided it was better to play along. “Of course you would always come home to me. I'm the one who's always been there to guide you and support you whenever it was needed. You are my flesh and blood, and look at all you have become because of my efforts.” He motioned for her to take a seat.

“Yes, I have worked very hard. And I appreciate all you have done to help me.” Rey wasn’t sure how she would make it through an entire meal with such dramatics. This was already becoming too much. She decided to switch tactics. “So how have you been? Hux just told me about some new developments…”

With that he began to ramble on about various drug trials and medical reviews, which she might normally find fascinating, but not… now. All she could think of was how much she wanted to leave. He seemed to enjoy her patient nods of encouragement, and eventually she realized she had gotten lost in his words.

A slight knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. She immediately began to thank the heavens above for rescuing her.

“Come in,” Grandfather directed. Rey could hear his annoyance, but she felt a flood of relief.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Hux said that I should…”

It was… Ben… standing at the door gaping at her in complete shock. The same shock that Rey was now experiencing. She could hear her heart beating in her ears accompanied by a high pitched ringing. He must have come to his senses because his mouth snapped shut so quickly his teeth made a noise.

“Rey…” 

The entire world rotated on its axis for a moment before everything settled and Rey could think again. It was really Ben, right here in front of her. He looked like the little boy that she once knew, but he was stretched and pulled into someone else. She could still see him, and his eyes were… happy? Maybe, a little relieved. That was what she felt. Like the time she had broken her arm and finally, finally gotten her cast off -- relief, blessed relief.

“Rey, I want to introduce you to our Director of Clinical Research for our new B Cell Lymphoma treatment, but of course you remember Ben Solo,” Grandfather said disinterestedly, as if he were introducing her to a doorknob. Apparently, Grandfather never fully grasped the connection between her and the awestruck man before them, but he seemed to be realizing it now as his eyes bounced back and forth between them.

“Ben… I.” What exactly did she want to say? Who was she? Where was she? She felt her brain melt to mush. She felt like she was in the middle of that dream where she was taking her MCAT and she forgot her name. 

Grandfather was beginning to look amused that both of them forgot how to talk. “Ben, Rey stopped by for a visit since she’s come back,” Grandfather stated matter of factly.

“She’s… come… back?” He had that shocked look on his face again. It was like his brain hadn’t yet caught up with what his eyes, ears, and mouth were reporting.

“Yes,” said Grandfather with apparent delight of Ben’s ignorance. “She’s here to start her residency at Alderan General under the direction of your mother.”

That did it. All the emotions that were dancing across his face finally settled on one: anger.

“My mother?” He phrased it like a question, but it felt more like a fact that he knew, he just knew would be true. “Of, course,” he grimaced with a huff of disgust. “My mother. If you’ll excuse me, I didn’t mean to interrupt your… reunion.” His eyes bored into Rey’s and it was like she was back in that stupid playhouse window all over again, stupid Ben Solo with his stupid jealousy and stupid uncontrollable temper. Damn her broken heart for starting to throb again.

Rey narrowed her own eyes in response. “Ben,” she stated as firmly as she could while she nodded her head in dismissal. There, that did it. He turned abruptly and closed the door behind him.

Grandfather was silent for a moment, studying Rey with a knowing smirk before rambling on about… something Rey wasn’t listening to. All she could do was run through their meeting over and over in her mind, trying to decode exactly what had happened. At some point she could feel her body again and she realized with relief that her hypoesthesia had only been temporary, probably trauma induced. She wouldn't qualify her as a subject of a future research study after all. Seeing him, at first, had been amazing, and he seemed happy to see her until Grandfather mentioned her job with his mother. What did that even matter? It’s not like he wanted to work for her. Come to think of it, why was he working for Grandfather?

She waited until there was a lull in Grandfather’s ramblings before interjecting with, “How long has Ben worked here?”

“Dr. Solo has been here since he completed the second year of his residency. He felt research was more appropriate than clinical medicine for his personality and skill set. He’s very talented. He’s my most promising new researcher--quick as a whip, that one. His mind is constantly taking things apart and putting them back together. Always so full of ideas.”

That sounded like Ben Solo. The rest of their meeting was a blur. Luckily, after Grandfather finished talking at Rey, he became bored with her presence and dismissed her. “We've had a nice little meeting. Lunch won’t be necessary. I would prefer to just get back to work. Thanks for coming.” Which was fine with Rey. She couldn’t wait to get out of there. The entire meeting had left her feeling off. She still had to process everything about Ben, but she also decided not to let it upset her. This was an exciting time that she’d worked hard for. She wouldn’t let Ben’s misplaced hostility ruin her new life back in Alderan.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey would tell anyone that asked that she LOVED working at Alderan General. It was the most challenging, exhausting, demanding, and exciting job she ever had. Yes, she was so tired that she possibly might have slept with her eyes open in the middle of a consultation once or twice, but it was only for a few seconds at a time. Somehow her body and mind could coast surprisingly well on auto-pilot; she just had to keep tabs on it. 

Working for Leia was an experience of its own because she was encouraging, supportive, and sharp. She could see potential issues steps down the line, and she made Rey prepare for all of them. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with her, but it kept Rey on her toes. There was just so much to learn, and it seemed that Leia expected her to learn everything the first time -- Bam! -- Don’t forget that. You’ll have to remember that in the future.

Dr. Solo was a great mentor, but she also wasn’t afraid to tell Rey when she’d “fucked up big-time.” This was a new side that Rey had never experienced before. It wasn’t that she didn’t expect her boss to be hard on her, that was the point of her residency. It was just that she had never seen Leia be hard on anyone, except maybe Mr. Solo. This was one way in which their former relationship made their working relationship more difficult. Disappointing Leia and getting yelled at hurt. Rey also wasn’t able to make fun of her behind her back with the other residents or have a nasty nickname for her. Part of her loved Leia simply because she was the closest thing to a mother Rey ever had, and she respected her more than anyone. 

She started her rotation in Leia’s pediatric emergency department, and Rey was quick to make friends with several of the staff. Her absolute favorite coworker was Dr. Poe Dameron. He was an attending physician, but he wasn’t the typical doctor in any way. He was perfect for the pediatric department with his lively personality and sense of humor that made him a favorite with the patients and parents. He was blunt, but not overly-critical, which made him a great teacher as well. Rey felt comfortable confiding in him with her uncertainties and insecurities, but he was honest. Rey never doubted his sincerity or felt that he was being too easy or too demanding. If there was ever a problem with a difficult parent, all she needed to do was call Dr. Dameron. He’d fly into the room, put on his big smile, and dissolve the tension with his quick-witted charisma. Between him and her two favorite nurses, Rose and Kaydel, Rey had the perfect working environment.

One unusually slow night, Dr. Dameron was telling stories about his residency in Coruscant. Rey had been accepted there after she had already taken a position at Alderan, and she had to admit she felt a little bad about passing up the opportunity. Coruscant was the one of the largest and most respected hospitals on the east coast. Turning down an offer there just didn’t happen. Leia mentioned offhandedly that Rey had been accepted during rounds last week. Poe must have remembered because he brought it up after an especially entertaining antidote about an E.R. admission involving a brother and sister with superglue.

“How could any respectable med student ever turn down an opportunity at a hospital like Coruscant, Rey?” Poe asked between grapes that he tossed into his mouth.

“You were accepted at Coruscant?” Rose gaped. “And I thought you were a genius.”

“I know, but then I wouldn’t get to work with you bozos,” Rey smiled, smacking Rose on the shoulder.

“No, really,” said Poe in his serious voice. “Why did you turn them down? Most people would kill for an opportunity like that.”

“I don’t know. I had already accepted here and I… wanted to work with Leia.”

“Well, I love Dr. Solo,” smiled Poe. “But certainly not that much. Were you familiar with her work?”

It was an innocent question, but Rey wasn’t sure if she should get into her personal past with Leia. Would that be unprofessional? People had mentors all the time, right? While Rey was considering what Leia might want her to say, Kaydel solved the problem for her.

“Dr. Solo said once that she’s known you since you were little,” Kaydel stated, while digging through her trail mix. “That you were friends with her son.” She seemed to rethink her comment when she saw Poe’s mouth fall open and his eyes get large. “Isn’t that true?” she asked hesitatingly.

So, Leia wasn’t afraid to disclose that piece of information. Who was Rey to deny it?

“Yea, I…” How could she put this? “We were close when we were kids. We lived next door to each other.”

Rey could see the wheels spinning in Poe’s head as he processed this new information. It was as if she could see him working through a flowchart in his mind. He was making connections she wasn’t sure she wanted him to make.

“Wait,” Poe started. “Dr. Rey Palpatine, are you related to First Order Palpatine?”

Crap! That was one of them.

Poe continued, “My boyfriend, Finn, works at First Order and he’s told me a LOT about Ben, and old man Palpatine, and… Hux. Are you related to Hux?” A smile spread across his face.

Crap! That was the other one.

“And you were friends with that complete asshole, Ben Solo?” Poe rubbed his temples with both hands. “Give me a minute to… Little Rey, I feel like we’ve just uncovered a whole other side to you.”

Crap, again! That’s exactly what she was afraid of.

“Wait until I tell Finn that I’m working with a Palpatine while he’s working with a Solo. What kind of twisted family trees do we have growing here in Alderan?”

"Palpatine is my grandfather. Hux is my cousin. I haven't been close to either of them since I left for college. Ben... well, we were little."

"I still want to know how Leia got such a piece of shit for a son," Poe pondered almost to himself. "Finn tells horror stories about him constantly. And you?" His eyes lit up as he pointed his finger at her. "How did you, sweet little ray of light, get such a bastard for a grandfather?"

How exactly does one respond to questions like that? Where to start? Should she even start? In the end, she just shrugged her shoulders. Thankfully, Poe seemed to accept it. Either that or he was just giving himself time to prepare his next barrage of questions. He slowly walked away mumbling to himself. Rose and Kaydel were staring at Rey like she had grown a second head right here in the last thirty seconds. 

"I met Ben last fall at the hospital benefit," Kaydel provided. "He's really handsome. I mean, really, really handsome.” Rey wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that comment. Kaydel continued, “He didn't say more than five words even with Leia prompting him all night. He actually just sat there looking like he was being poked with needles, but I wouldn't exactly call him an asshole."

She seemed to offer this unbidden observation in an attempt to make Rey feel better. It most certainly didn’t work. She felt like disappearing.

At that, Rose provided her view on the subject. “I think he’s said and done some horribly nasty things to Poe’s boyfriend, who happens to be the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met. I heard Poe complaining about it to Leia. Poe said that Finn almost had to quit because of him.” Rose made a face of disgust and Rey felt a wave of sadness at her words. “I think Dr. Solo said,” Rose furrowed her brow for a second in thought, “Something like, ‘That sounds just like my Ben.’" She bopped her head from side to side as she said this in an attempt to imitate Leia. "And she said that socialization was not his strong suit.”

They both suddenly looked directly at Rey.

“Best friends, huh?” said Rose.

Rey smiled and decided it was time to see if that lab test she'd been waiting on was finished, so she excused herself. Almost immediately, Rose and Kaydel started whispering, and Rey really did not want to know what they were saying. Maybe moving home hadn't been such a good idea after all. 

  
  


Rey was in Leia’s office a few days later discussing her response to a difficult case. Leia appeared to be wrapping up their meeting by reiterating Rey’s successes and failures, ending with an encouraging smile.

"It’s okay to not know how to respond every single time. That's why it takes years to be a physician."

Rey nodded her head and started to rise when Leia held out her hand to stop her.

"Just a minute, though. Can we talk for a minute about… my son?"

Suddenly Rey felt her cheeks warm. When did it get so hot in here? Or was it maybe the humidity? 

"Sure. What about," she had to clear her throat. "Ben?"

What the -- Why was her throat sore? Maybe she was getting sick. Maybe she should leave early. Maybe she needs to go see a doctor herself. 

"Have you talked to your grandfather lately? Or Hux? I was just wondering how he's doing. He's working at First Order. Did you know that?" She looked sad.

“I actually saw him when I went to see Grandfather when I first came back.” Leia’s eyes got large. “It was at First Order. But I only saw him for a moment. He didn't know I was working for you. When Grandfather told him he got…” Why did she need to clear her throat again? “Angry.”

“I see," Leia nodded. “Han and I made lots of mistakes with Ben, and I don’t know if…” She trailed off and shrugged her shoulders. "Some mistakes we can't undo.”

Rey nodded.

“Well, if you ever see him. Can you tell him that… we miss him."

"Of course, but I don't plan on going anywhere near First Order if I can help it."

"Well, maybe it's time for us to try again on our own. Thanks anyway, Rey."

Rey smiled and nodded her head in encouragement. Have fun with that. She gathered her things. As she closed the door behind her, she looked back at Leia, who appeared to be already lost in her thoughts as she looked out the window next to her desk.


	8. Chapter 8

It was inevitable. She hadn’t seen Grandfather since she came back over a year and a half ago when she was suddenly summoned to his office. He actually had Mrs. Tarkin call to make an appointment like it was a formal business meeting. No wonder she had avoided him as diligently has she had. He didn’t even want to see her at the mansion. Mrs. Tarkin specifically said he requested that she come to First Order. Not that Rey could refuse. She’d never once gotten any correspondence about tuition payments; they were always just “Paid in Full.” Rey admitted that was a blessing and she needed to be more than appreciative.

As she rode the elevator up to the top floor, she kept reminding herself to be thankful and humble. She owed him this. Perhaps she should have done more than send a Christmas card last year. She hadn’t made any effort to visit or communicate with him at all. He did take her in as a child and pay for everything she ever needed. What kind of granddaughter was she? He really did have a right to call her out like this.

When the elevator door slid open, she made her way to his office feeling bad about herself. She decided that he had every right to say whatever condescending thing came out of his mouth, and it was her job to take it. It would be fine. She could do this.

“Rey! What a pleasure,” Mrs. Tarkin smiled evilly as she motioned to Grandfather’s office door. “He’s been expecting you.” She let her comment linger in the air in a way that made Rey think she was trying to insult her. So she had to face the music alone? Okay. She knocked on the door and slowly opened it.

Grandfather did not look like she expected. He looked tiny in his over-sized desk chair. Did he shrink? He looked sick, with an abnormal yellowish skin tone. Liver disease? Hepatitis? Anemia? Should she ask? Would that be impolite? Would it be rude not to ask? He’s paid for her medical school, so he knows what she’s thinking right now.

“Rey,” he motioned to the chair in front of him. No hug this time? Thank you, Jesus!

“Grandfather.” She was speechless. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t come to see you. The hospital has been making use of my salary as I’m sure you can imagine.”

“Yes, of course.” He was eyeing her sceptically, surely noticing everything about her. “You must be curious why I wanted to see you. As you can tell, I’m not well. I’m done waiting for certain things, and I’m starting to put things in order. You’ve been doing well at the hospital. I’ve kept informed of your progress.”

What did that mean? He made it sound like he had a spy. Had he simply been checking in with Leia or was it something more?

“But, I think it is time for you to give up this dalliance and get to work,” he said firmly.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Rey. You’re needed here. We’ve had some complications with a new treatment that we’ve invested… a considerable amount, let’s say. I’m calling you back... to your family.”

“But I’m only finishing the second year of my residency. I don’t see how I could be of help here. I’m a clinical doctor, not a researcher. I don’t have the training to be anything more than a technician here.”

“No, you are exactly what we need.” His eyes narrowed and she felt herself fidget a little in her chair. “We need a doctor to help with our trials. Someone to provide treatment and monitor patient progress. Someone we can trust to make the right decisions based on the needs of the participants in addition to our investments.”

“I don’t think you understand that my goal is to work at a hospital, not a company. This isn’t something that I want.”

“I see,” he whispered, but it was quite obvious in the way he stared at his clenched fists on his desk that he most certainly didn’t. “Rey, you may need to consider not only what you want, but what is best.” His fists released and he folded his hands neatly together before him. His eyes returned to hers in a menacing stare. “You might want to think about what you are truly capable of. I know all about the child.”

The room started to spin as he allowed her to process his words for several long moments. It felt like the floor dropped out from beneath her.

He slowly continued, emphasizing each word for maximum effect. “It was your misdiagnosis that wasted valuable time and prevented that little boy from getting the treatment he needed. It was your fault that he died, and you know it. A better doctor wouldn’t have made that mistake, but you did.”

He was quiet for a moment, letting his comments linger in the air between them. The tears started to well in her eyes as she had to look away. The painful turn in their conversation was not one she had anticipated. It had never occurred to her that Grandfather even wanted her to work at First Order. It had never been brought up, hinted at, or discussed in any capacity.

“Don’t you think,” Grandfather began again, softer this time. He got up from his chair, walked around his desk, and took a seat beside her. “Don’t you think you could benefit from practicing medicine in a more controlled environment. It would be everything you want. You could help people that are suffering from diseases that we can treat when no one else can. You could make their lives better, but you wouldn’t have to fear making another mistake. These are people that know the path they are on, but they are willing to try something different. You could help follow them through their treatment, not just stand at the beginning ready to pass them off to someone else. Think about the little boy. Think of what you allowed to happen.”

The tears rolled down Rey’s cheeks as she squeezed her hands in her lap. Grandfather reached out and rubbed a hand across her knuckles before giving her hands a squeeze.

“Think about my offer. Search your feelings; you know everything I said is true.” He smiled softly in anticipation of her response.

“I will,” she whispered.

“Good… good…” He tapped her hands again before rising from the chair and returning behind his desk. “Let me know when you decide,” he said as if they were discussing a business transaction not the course of her entire future. He nodded his head as a dismissal and Rey left his office without looking back.

  
  


After Rey’s visit with Grandfather, she felt different. She was insecure and uneasy about everything she did. She suddenly questioned herself and all of her decisions. The loss of one of her patients had been extremely difficult when it happened, but Leia had assured her the mistake was not really an error at all. 

“Most doctors would have made the exact same diagnosis. Sometimes patients are atypical and that is something you can prepare for by studying and you can consider it when diagnosing, but realistically you won’t be able to see everything. Only experience will help you anticipate other possibilities, and even then, you won’t always catch it. At most it will just be a voice in the back of your head that you’ll learn to listen to, but again, that only comes with experience.”

Rey knew it wasn’t her fault that the little boy had died. She had made the right diagnosis based on the symptoms he’d presented. His death had broken her heart, but not her spirit. She knew there were some things she couldn’t control and that this was part of working in medicine. Sometimes patients would die in spite of a doctor’s best efforts. She could live with that, at least she thought she could until Grandfather made her question everything about her skills. Maybe he was right. Maybe this type of medicine wasn’t where she belonged.

Rey’s biggest problem was that she began to hesitate, which is not something a doctor should do. Being cautious was important, but to hesitate was to waste time. She knew everyone else was starting to notice as well, making her even more insecure. Who wanted a doctor that continually questioned her own decisions? The other day she thought she saw Rose roll her eyes at Poe when she was mulling over a patient’s chart. She hasn’t slept right since then. Someone was going to confront her about this; it was only a matter of time. She just never would have anticipated who that someone would be.


	9. Chapter 9

It was Rey’s first Saturday off in a while, and she was set to make it #bestdayoffever. She slept in and made a huge breakfast with extra bacon to share with her cat. Beebee was a scruffy calico that followed Rey on her way home during med school. She had been covered in fleas and was so skinny that there was no way Rey could resist her desperate cries. Beebee was now a slightly overweight spoiled princess that was kind enough to let Rey stay at her house. 

Rey was catching up with her Tivo when the doorbell rang. Unfortunately, Beebee refused Rey’s request to answer the door, so she paused her show and shuffled to the door in her kitty slippers. A glance in the peephole wasn’t helpful because all she could see was a dark shadow with a bright halo from the hallway light. She hesitatingly opened the door a crack to reveal…

“Ben?” It was Ben! “What are you doing here?”

“I just…” He looked tired and defeated. “Can I talk to you for a minute? I’m sorry to disturb you, but I figured you wouldn’t see me if I tried to contact you any other way.”

“Did Grandfather send you?” Rey didn’t realize how much the thought scared her until she said it. Of course Grandfather would apply more pressure to her already fragile ego.

“No, I… twisted my mother’s arm into telling me where you live. I actually wanted to talk to you about your Grandfather and his offer.”

“Did he tell you about it?” Rey felt ashamed at the thought of Grandfather announcing her failures to everyone at First Order. It made her sick to her stomach.

“No, it was Hux. But, I know how your Grandfather can be.”

“Do you? Do you know how he can be,” she sounded bitter, even to her own ears.

“Yes, I do,” he stated firmly. “He got me to doubt myself. That’s what he does. And when he has you believing you’re worthless, he takes whatever he wants. I won't let that happen to you, too.”

What an interesting comment for Ben -- I want to destroy you with my eyes-- Solo to make... about her. Had Grandfather manipulated him to get him to work there? It did more sense than choosing to work with Hux. “Is that why you work there?”

“Mm-hmm… Hux was bragging that your grandfather was about to break you. It’s all he’s talked about for weeks. How they were going to pull you into First Order where you belonged." He made a face to emphasize how much he obviously didn’t think she belonged. "You have no idea how close I’ve been to beating the shit out of his ugly face all over again.” He stopped himself, realizing she might be offended by the comment.

“No.” She waved off his hesitance. “That is literally the only reaction I have ever had to anything Hux says or does. I liked his face much more before all the plastic surgery,” Rey smiled. Was she actually joking with Ben Solo? This was not at all how she thought today was going to go. “Do you want to come in?” Apparently, she just asked him into her messy apartment.

He seemed as surprised by her invitation as she was. He stared at her for a moment too long and Rey started to panic. She was just about to rescind the offer when he nodded his head.

She stepped aside to let him walk past her down the hall and into the living room. Beebee looked up from the bath she was giving herself to inspect him. She shot Rey a disgruntled glance before jumping off the sofa and running back to the bedroom.

Rey led him to the kitchen and he took a seat at her table as she poured him some coffee. Did he like coffee? Maybe she should have asked. He politely thanked her as she placed it before him. He ran his finger along the rim before looking up at her.

“I want to apologize for the way I treated you when we were younger.” He ducked his head into his chest. “And even later. Hux got me to believe some things about you that weren’t true.”

“Hux? Well, that doesn't exactly surprise me.” She took a seat next to him. 

“When we were kids, Hux used to say that you hated me.”

“What?” Of all things Rey could imagine Hux trying to convince Ben, this was not one she would have ever considered him capable of believing.

“He _always_ used to say that you hated me. That you would make fun of me when I wasn’t around.”

“What? Ben, you must know that’s not true. You were my best friend. I never would've said anything bad about you, especially to Hux.” How could Hux have said something so untrue? How could Ben possibly have believed him?

“He just kept saying these things about your parents and how they’d hurt you. He said you only spent time at my house because you missed them and that my parents wished that you were their daughter. He said all sorts of things -- all the time. And I eventually believed it… all of it.”

Rey sat in disbelief as he words washed over her. She studied the defeated adult version of the best friend who knew her better than anyone in the world. She took in everything about him: his downcast eyes, his frowning face, and his slumped shoulders. She examined him closely as her eyes roamed over him from head to foot. It was as if her vision of him had been blurred and he suddenly came into focus.

“That’s why you were so angry with me.” Pieces of the puzzle began to click in place. “You thought I spent time with you to be with your parents and not you. That’s why you were so upset that I’m working with Leia.” She always thought that Ben was angry about her connection to his parents, but she began to grasp how Hux tricked him into believing their friendship wasn’t real.

“Ben, I did love your parents, but it was because they were the only real parents I ever knew. I only knew them because of you. You were more important to me than anyone.” She reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Anyone.”

He stared at her hand holding his and looked up at her. “I’m so sorry. Watching Hux the last few years, I just started to see him for what he was. How much he seemed to enjoy hurting people in service of your Grandfather. And for some reason, he seems to want to hurt you more than anyone.”

Rey sighed. That was true. Hux’s ability to hurt others knew no bounds. He always treated Rey so carefully that she never knew what to make of it. He seemed to care more about watching other people suffer than he did about any type of success for himself. Perhaps that was his plan all along -- take away what meant the most to her. Once that was Ben, and now it was her career. Rey released his hand to wipe away a tear that had started to run down her face.

“He stole you from me.” More tears took the place of the one she wiped aside. “He took you away because he knew how much you meant to me -- how important you were. He knew what he was doing.” The sadness was overwhelming, but suddenly so was the anger.

"Rey," his voice was soft. “It was my fault. I knew the things he was saying weren’t true, deep down, I knew. I just didn’t trust myself. It was so much easier to believe what he said. No one really cared about me, ever, until you.” His eyes were earnest. How could he believe that?

“But, your parents. Your parents always loved you.”

“They did love me as their son, but not for the person that I was or the person that I am. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been so easy to get rid of me.” He said this simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world to say. It was unsettling.

“That’s not true. Your mom told me how much they both miss you.” He rolled his eyes. “Ben you have no idea how much they’ve missed you. How much I’ve missed you.” The look of doubt in his eyes broke Rey’s heart. She could feel it shattering into a million pieces as her tears started in earnest.

He pushed his chair from the table, rose, and came close. After a moment, he went to his knees as she angled herself before him. He sat back on his heels so that he could look up at her. His hands hovered over her legs for a moment before gently gripping her knees.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry.” She studied him closely. It was her Ben, looking at her like he always did. The little boy who always meant so much to her. She could see him in his eyes and in his hands… the awkward shake of his head and the twitch of his eye. Of course the observation only made her tears flow more steadily. “Please,'' he repeated as his hands rose to cup her cheeks and wipe the tears descending from her eyes with his thumbs.

Rey wrapped her arms around him and pulled him toward her to hug him more fully. She could feel his carotid artery beating on her neck as her chin rested on his shoulder. “You have no idea how much I missed you.” She could barely utter the words. It was too hard to say.

“No, Rey,” he whispered back. “I felt it, too.” He held her in his arms, beginning to rub her back as she sobbed quietly into his shoulder. They stayed like this for several moments too long because when she pulled back, he grimaced as his knee popped. “Sorry, I’m not as young as I used to be,” he smiled.

Rising from her chair, she grabbed his hand and pulled him up with her. He allowed himself to be led to the sofa and she pulled him to sit next to her. She curled into him, resting her head back on his shoulder and pulling his hand in her lap where she held it in both of hers. Something deep inside that had been hurting for so long felt like each breath she took brought a soothing relief. The broken Rey inside her wanted to hold him tightly and never let him go, and the slight smile that he returned made her feel like she wasn’t alone for the first time in a long, long time.


	10. Chapter 10

Rey had to admit to herself twelve hours later as she and Ben looked out at the traffic below from her balcony, that the day actually had been #bestdayoffever. She felt like she should take a picture and post it so the entire world knew the loneliness that plagued her forever was finally starting to loosen its grip. She had found her best friend again, and she wasn’t going to let him go.

They’d spent the day talking about everything: his time with his uncle, her time at home without him, college and med school, his job at First Order, her job at the hospital, their favorite flavors of ice cream and pizza toppings. She knew she would remember everything he said. Nothing seemed as important as learning what she’d missed in his life and every morsel of information filled empty spaces inside her she didn’t know existed. It was like her brain had kept the Ben Solo file in preparation for today, silently recording questions she was finally able to ask.

Ben seemed to be as interested to learn about her as she was. He listened patiently as she rambled on about every aspect of her life, occasionally prompting her to keep her going. Somehow he knew which questions to ask and which to avoid. She could see him reading her silent cues of the emotions behind the stories she told. She caught herself smiling at him for no reason at all, and he would smile back at her. And they would sit for long moments just smiling and making up for lost time.

She also couldn’t stop touching him. It was like she had to make sure that he was really sitting right there in front of her. He would smile and his eyes would soften as she squeezed his hand or his arm. It was so odd; she just wasn’t like that. It wasn’t that she didn’t hug or touch her friends, she was just always cautious about being in other people’s space. It took her a long time to be comfortable and even then she was still  _ aware _ . She’d observed friends that would lean on one another on the subway or while watching a movie and wonder why she never felt like she could do those things. There was always a strange hesitation that kept her from feeling comfortable with others, forcing her to hold back just a little bit of herself. Rey knew, however, that she did once have a friend that she trusted completely, but as the years passed, she figured that was only because she was a child. Children don’t have the personal barriers that adults do.

Rey had a few boyfriends, some lasting longer than others. Yes, it had been a while. Med school and her residency didn’t allow her to have any type of a social life. In fact, the only people she considered friends since undergrad were those she met in the trenches of the medical field. Her physical relationships alway seemed like a means to an end. Cuddling on the sofa would lead to something else; it was never simply for the enjoyment of sharing a space with another person and reveling in the connection that existed between them.

Ben played along with her affection, never once freezing or startling. In fact, he reciprocated in kind. He ran his fingers back and forth on her leg as they talked and pulled her into his side when she explained about the loss of her most tragic patient. He brushed her hair behind her ear as she flipped through the stack of take-out menus and squeezed her foot as he walked by to answer the door when their pizza was finally delivered. Rey felt like someone else, but strangely more like herself than she could remember. How was this possible? What had he done to her?

Standing on her balcony with Ben that evening reminded her of their bus rides, silently taking in the world around them. The occasional glance confirmed they were thinking the same things as they watched a woman be pulled along by her oversized dog and a car pull out in traffic without looking. It was disorienting in the best possible way. After watching for several minutes, Rey leaned into him and reached to hold his hand. He looked down at her and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Ben, you have to promise me you won’t let anything come between us again.” His eyes softened as he reached out to touch the side face. “I can’t go through that again. I just can’t.” He began to run his thumb along her cheek and shook his head. “Please, promise me.”

“I promise,” he whispered as he leaned closer to brush his lips against her forehead before stepping back to look her in the eyes. He pulled his hand from hers and reached up to cup both sides of her face, slowly leaning over to bring his face close to hers. His eye twitched and Rey smiled in encouragement. She placed her hands on his chest before reaching up to pull him even closer. They met each other with a gentle kiss as he slid his arms down her shoulders and around her back to bring her body toward him.

Of course Rey had kissed before, but she decided in that moment kissing Ben was something different. He was different. She’d never shared a first kiss with someone who already owned a piece of her heart. His large body wrapping around her felt strangely familiar, and she felt a sense of completeness. His kiss was gentle, almost chaste, until she pulled him even closer and it grew into something deeper. 

Rey realized that kissing Ben created a mess of contradictions coursing through her head. There was the thrilling novelty of this new experience, but she also felt a sense of peace that came from finally having something that she’d secretly long desired. It was a complete surprise that life had brought her to this moment, while it also felt like a path she’d been on since their first meeting. His kiss was completely satisfying, while also making her want so much more. 

She pulled herself away and his lips trailed down her neck. “I don’t want you to leave… ever.” She wasn’t sure what she meant or even if she was talking to herself or to him. The words came of their own volition and she froze the moment she realized what she’d said.

He continued to kiss her as his arms settled low on her back holding her body against him. His lips reached behind her ear and he breathed, “I don’t ever want to leave.” She felt her body relax and he pulled away to look at her face. “Rey, being without you has been… painful. I don’t ever want to be apart from you either.” He gently let go of her, took her hand in his, and brought it to his mouth for a soft kiss.

At that, she pulled him with her to lead him back into her apartment, through her kitchen, to her bedroom, and finally to her bed. She motioned for him to sit, and she couldn’t stop herself from chuckling at his eagerness to comply. She stepped in between his legs and rested her hand on his cheek. He looked lost as he stared up at her, completely lost. She wondered what he was thinking. Apparently, he grew out of his self-narration phase. It was so sad that she’d missed watching him change as he matured. She must have made a face at the thought because his eyes suddenly switched to a look of concern.

“Please don’t think that we have to do anything you don’t want to. I want to give you everything, but only when you’re ready.” Rey was amused. How could he possibly think she could want any less than everything with him? She couldn’t help but smile.

“No, Ben Solo.” She caressed his cheek as she bent closer to him. “I have loved you forever. I could never be more ready.” He reached out and placed his hands on her hips. Rey looked deep into his eyes, hoping that she could make him feel her confidence. She began to unbutton her shirt and his eyes grew wide. Her shirt fell open partially exposing her breasts beneath. She pulled one of his hands up to her chest, placing his palm over her heart. “I love you, and I’ve missed you so much.” She rubbed his hand over her heart. “Can you…”

He pulled his hand away, and wrapped his arms around her body pulling her toward him. His lips hovered over her heart before he stopped to rest his chin there to look up at her. 

“I love you so much, Rey. Every single part of me belongs to you, just as it always has.” He pulled her even tighter against himself. She felt the tears forming in her eyes as he lowered his face to kiss her heart. Her fingers carded through his hair and he pulled her into his lap. As his lips found her’s, she felt all her fears and loneliness wash away. She lost herself in his touch, in his body, and in her own. For as much as his lips eventually covered her entire body, they kept returning to kiss her heart, and she could feel him mend the broken pieces as his body claimed every single part of her.


	11. Chapter 11

Rey awoke to a soft sweep of fingers across her forehead. Her hair was gently being pushed aside, and she felt the palm of a hand lightly brush her nose as a thumb explored her temple right where her -- her eyes shot open as she jerked away from the hand on her face.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

“I’m sorry!” He looked embarrassed. “I just always wondered… I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. I’ve had nightmares about it in fact.” He sighed and whispered, “Please.”

Her brain was trying to catch up with the many thoughts that raced through her head in her half-asleep confusion. It was one of those spring mornings when the sun was up before she was, a blessed gift from the heavens above. It had to be before six o’clock. She focused on the fact that he, of all people, could be sharing her bed. Not that she had a habit of sharing her bed, but the fact that Ben was actually here with her was still something that she hadn’t completely processed.

He was still staring at her in a bashful, almost regretful way. “I didn’t mean to be creepy. I just…” She watched as he struggled to put words to emotions she understood completely. The same impulse had made her closely examine his knee at some point last night; she’d just been more stealthy about it. How strange to know a previous version of someone's body. Again with these odd contradictions.

She relaxed back down on the bed and turned her head slightly away from him so he could look. She’d been around eight, maybe, when she’d fallen out of a tree in Ben’s backyard. It was an old crabapple tree with several low branches that had been a hangout of sorts. It had a recurring role as a spaceship, pirate ship, or whatever was needed for their current adventure. Her body had known the angles of leverage like the back of her hand, so her fall had been unexpected as many childhood injuries born of overplaced confidence tend to be.

“You can hardly see it,” he said with disbelief as he traced the scar with his thumb. “I remember it being so much worse. I always felt horrible about it.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I just wasn’t careful enough.”

“Oh, it was absolutely my fault,” he said stubbornly. “I should never have let you in that tree.”

“Ben, don’t be ridiculous. We practically lived in that tree.”

“Me, with my crazy antics.” He tapped her temple with his thumb indicating the end of his examination. “I should have been more careful with you,” he whispered as he brought his lips to kiss the remains of what was never a very impressive injury. It was so easy to get lost in his gentleness.

“Don’t fool yourself. I was never delicate.”

“Yes, that I do remember.” He smiled. “I don’t think anyone ever wiped out as many times as you did learning how to roller skate.”

“That, on the other hand, was  _ exactly _ your fault.” She feigned anger. “You started that. I was just trying to keep up with you.”

“That’s correct,” he began between kisses down her neck. “I just wanted you to keep up with me.” His hands pulled her body closer and she felt herself melt a little.

“Ben, stop. What time is it? Oh, no! I never set the alarm. I’m going to be late. And, frankly, you have to be at work, too. I’m sure.”

He groaned, but his hands stilled as she pulled away. He ducked his head in the pillow. “I don’t want to go,'' he mumbled. Suddenly his head shot up. “You’re a doctor. Can you write me a note?”

“So are you. Write your own damn note.” She lightly smacked his side through the comforter as she extracted herself from the bed.

“I don’t think they’ll accept it from me, but you,” his finger circled the air before pointing at her accusingly. “First Order will absolutely accept a note from Dr. Palpatine. That would be automatic, no questions asked.” He smiled teasingly.

Rey took on her physician persona. “Can you please explain to me, Dr. Solo, the nature of the illness that would prevent you from performing your regular workplace duties today?” Her eyebrows rose in skepticism.

“Well, there’s not a formal diagnosis for it due to its very rare occurrence.” He smiled. “On the remarkable occasion that it does occur, the patient is completely unable to leave his or her bed for at least twenty-four hours. He or she also requires very close supervision of a highly trained medical professional.”

“Nice try, doctor, but this doctor,” she pointed to herself with her thumb, “has to be at the hospital in less than… forty-seven minutes. So, you’ll have to depend on your own, what was it, Tatooine University education for medical advice.”

“Tatooine was more of a party school. Out in the middle of the desert with nothing productive to do. You should have seen all the cantinas we had on campus -- insane. You don’t really trust me getting treatment from a Tatooine doctor, do you?”

Rey laughed and walked to his side of the bed. She leaned down and kissed him gently on his lips. He grabbed her elbow in an attempt to pull her on top of him, but she shook her head and pulled away. “Let’s get back to that after work, okay?”

He groaned in agreement. “I guess I’d better hurry up and get going so I can go home and change. Or,” he hesitated, “Should I show up like this?" He ran his hand down the length of his body. "I could make Hux try to guess why?”

“Only if you want me to tell  _ my _ boss in exquisite detail the events of my evening.”

His face immediately fell. “No, never mind. That’s okay.”

She gathered her clothes in preparation for a quick shower before turning back. “I was serious about tonight, though." Suddenly she felt nervous, exposed.

“So was I,” he smiled. “Do you want to call me when you’re done and I’ll come over? Or would you like to come to my place? You could meet my roommate Artie.”

“Aren’t you a little old for a roommate?”

“Aren’t you?” he asked as he nodded his head toward the feathered cat toy on the floor.

“Oh,” she laughed. “Beebee is actually my live-in landlord. I do odds and ends in addition to paying my rent for the simple pleasure of living with her."

"I have somewhat similar arrangement," he said dejectedly.

She shifted her towel and clothing to one hand as she returned the bed. She grabbed his hand and squeezed. She let her eyes run over him, taking in the scene just one more time to confront her disbelieving brain. Here was Ben, her long-lost Ben Solo, in her bed looking up at her with soft eyes and completely mussed hair that was most certainly caused by her pulling and running her hands through it over the course of the previous night. She felt simultaneously embarrassed and proud of herself.

"I would love to meet him," she replied. "Just text me your address and I'll let you know when I leave the hospital."

"I'll need your number first, though."

"Oh, my God, Ben," she mumbled. "Did I just sleep with you before I even gave you my number?" She groaned, covering her face with the clothes she was holding.

He squeezed her hand as he sat up. “Please don’t regret anything about last night,” he said looking slightly startled.

She sat down on the edge of the bed facing him, looking closely at him before leaning in for a long kiss. “I don’t.” She squeezed his hand back, kissed his cheek and darted into the bathroom. “I’m so sorry, but I’ve really got to hurry,” she yelled over her shoulder.

“I’ll just let myself out,” she heard through the closed door.

She really did have to hurry. It usually didn’t take more than fifteen minutes to get to the hospital at this hour, but she still had to get from the staff parking to her current assignment in the PICU. That would take another ten minutes if she walked really fast; she could do it in five if she ran, but she always rolled her eyes when she saw staff running through the campus right before the change of the hour. She did not want to be one of those doctors. She just had to get out of the bathroom in the next seven minutes.

“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.”

  
  


And Rey did do it. She made it to the PICU approximately two minutes before seven o’clock. She had to give herself a little internal high-five for that. She did, however, forget to leave extra food out for Beebee, so she would have to stop by before going over to Ben’s, but she decided that was really for the best. She figured she might like to clean up a little bit, at least a little bit more than the extra clothes she had in her car or in her locker, and she certainly didn’t want to show up in scrubs. He hadn’t seemed to care yesterday when she was in her loungewear, or out of it for that matter, but it could be nice to put in some effort.

Rey had an extra spring in her step, and her smile felt just a little bit wider. It was a great day wasn’t it? Finding a sweet note in her kitchen had been a nice treat on top of a terrific night. He’d drawn a cute little picture of a cat with a heart above it with both their initials inside. She would have thought it would be stupid, but she had to admit that coming from Ben, it seemed… not stupid. He’d written in an incredibly impressive script, “I can’t wait to see you” along with his phone number. She smiled at the thought that note was in her pocket. She could actually reach in right now, pull it out and look at it if she wanted. She had concrete evidence of everything that happened. Maybe she really should look at it again -- just to check. What was wrong with her? She really needed to get a grip. 

Unfortunately, she realized this a moment too late. When she was finally able to pull her head out of her own personal fantasyland, she realized Leia was studying her carefully from the nurses station. She must have made an effort to come to Rey’s department to see her, probably to see if Rey was pissed that she’d given Ben her address. But instead she found Rey smiling to herself like an idiot in the middle of the hallway. Crap! Leia’s knowing smirk told Rey everything she needed to know. 

Leia ducked her head into her chest to hide her smile and started to walk away before suddenly stopping, making an about face, and walking directly towards Rey. She felt her stomach drop through the floor. What was she supposed to say? She and Ben hadn’t discussed this. Leia cleared her face of emotion as she got closer, but as soon as she stood before Rey, she burst out laughing. It was a real laugh that Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever heard from Leia before. Except, maybe she had years ago when she and Ben had done something especially ridiculous.

As Leia continued to laugh, everyone turned to them with shocked expressions. The nurses at their desks looked at each other in confusion and mild amusement. Dr. Wexley came over and put his hand on her elbow.

“Are you okay, Dr. Solo?” he asked with a look of actual concern.

Everyone looked at Rey as if she had the answer. She could feel her cheeks warming as her amygdala sent messages of warning throughout her entire body. Leia continued to laugh, clutching her stomach as she leaned over. Rey could see tears start to run down her face. This might be the most embarrassing moment of Rey’s entire life. She realized she might actually die right here, right now, in front of everyone.

“No, it’s just...” Leia continued to chuckle. She grabbed one of Rey’s hands with her own and tapped it with the other. “Nevermind. We’ll talk later.” With that, she turned on her heels and headed back down the hall the way she came. Her shoulders were still trembling from the laughter she was suppressing in the fist covering her mouth.

“What the heck was that?” Dr. Wexley asked, watching her walk away. Suddenly, everyone turned to Rey in question.

“I…” Rey started, but then abruptly turned around and walked quickly in the opposite direction. 


	12. Chapter 12

Rey fidgeted with her skirt as she stepped out of her car. Maybe it was a mistake to wear it. Did it look like she was trying too hard? She began to rethink her decision. She just wanted to look nice. She hadn’t dressed up for a guy in a long, long time. When she was at home in front of her mirror, it seemed like a good idea. She began to panic when she considered walking up to his front door. She slammed the car door shut and arranged her bag neatly over her shoulder. Wow! She really was  _ that _ girl. She internally cringed with the knowledge that inside her bag was a change of clothes. 

She started to walk toward what she thought was Ben’s townhouse when she heard a loud screech as a bicycle slid to a stop right in front of her.

“Oh, my gosh!” yelled a young man as he skidded to the side to avoid her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you. Are you okay? Can I do anything for you?”

“No,” Rey laughed. “I’m fine.” She looked at the bicyclist and smiled. He was cute, close to her in age. Under normal circumstances, she might even want to get to know this guy. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. I was just on my way to…” She pointed to his door.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” he took a shocked step back and looked her up and down. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Who the heck was this guy?

“No, I’m sorry.” He suddenly seemed nervous. “I just meant are you sure? The guy that lives there is very tall… and,” he raised his shoulders in an attempt to make himself bigger. “He’s also kinda scary and loud. And he’s got a crazy temper.”

Rey had to laugh because it was absolutely the truth. “Yes, I’m aware.” She smiled. That was just about the most accurate description she’d ever heard.

“Are you sure you’ll be safe? I live right there.” He pointed to the door next to Ben’s. 

“Oh, are you friends?”

His eyes almost bulged out of his head. “I hear him yelling and breaking things all the time. He hasn’t said a word to me since he moved in. No one in the neighborhood even knows his name.”

“Really? How long ago was that?” She was curious, but she felt she already knew the answer.

“About four years ago.” He really stressed the word “four” like he wanted to make a point.

Rey smiled. “I think I’ll be alright, but thanks for the concern.”

“Well, my name is Mikata. If you need anything, just pound on the wall or scream or something.” His eyes filled with genuine concern. It was ridiculous, but also a little entertaining.

“Okay,” she tried to look sincere. “Thanks, Mitaka.” She waved as she made her way to the front door feeling so much better about everything. This interesting encounter had completely erased any lingering anxiety because it reminded her that she wasn’t just going to see some guy. She was going to see Ben who she knew would be happy to see her specifically, but probably not anyone else. He wouldn’t be phased by her outfit, in fact, he probably wouldn’t even notice. This was all very reassuring.

Rey boldly stepped in front of his door and rang the doorbell. She saw Mitaka subtly watching her discreetly over his shoulder as he retrieved his mail from the communal mailbox. She couldn’t wait to tell Ben all about his neighbor. She could imagine his annoyance at being labeled the neighborhood villain, but then again, maybe he’d like it. She thought of him stalking out his front door dressed in a funny costume -- something with a cape. That would get everyone talking. Her mind was racing with all the possibilities when the door opened.

The shocked look on Ben’s face made her heart sink and she immediately forgot everything about her conversation with the cute neighbor. Ben obviously did notice the outfit, which meant that he was probably thinking that she looked ridiculous. He might laugh at her silly attempt to look pretty when she also clearly had an overnight bag with her. Why didn’t she leave that in the car? How could she be such an idiot? This might be even more embarrassing than his mother laughing at her obvious infatuation with her socially challenged son. How was it possible to have two of your most humiliating moments within a five hour window?

“Rey,” he whispered it almost like he was speaking another language and was trying to say it right. His entire face lit up, and she felt that stupid smile come back to her face. “I’m so glad to see you.” He took a step towards her and slid one of his arms around her waist to pull her into him while he kissed her gently on the cheek. As he pulled away, he grabbed the strap of her bag, lifting it from her shoulder and sliding it gently onto his own. “Please come in. You look fantastic. I guess my mother’s not working you to complete exhaustion.”

“Oh, God! I have to tell you. Your mother knows that you came to see me.” She followed him inside to an entryway leading into an immaculate living room. 

“Yes. That’s how I got your address.”

“No, Ben. She knows, knows.” 

He ran his hand down the side of his face. “Did she force it out of you? I know she can be pretty… uh… assertive.”

“No. She just looked at me, and she knew.”

He looked confused. “What did she say?”

“Nothing.” Rey shrugged her shoulders. “She just looked at me and started laughing. Like out of control, this was the funniest thing in the world kind of laughing. There were tears rolling down her cheeks because she was laughing so hard.”

Ben rubbed his chin as he seemed to consider this. “Well, I guess I’m not too surprised. Somehow she knows everything that’s going on in my life. Always. Are you okay with her knowing? I can talk to her if it makes you uncomfortable.” He looked at her closely.

She hadn’t really considered if she minded Leia knowing. She’d been trying to determine what he would want. But, now that he’d asked, she really did want Leia to know. Keeping something like this from her would be untruthful. She didn’t like the thought. “If this is going to be serious, I would want her to know.”

He froze. “Isn’t this going to be serious?” His tone tried to make the question sound innocent, but it clearly wasn’t. They both knew it. Rey could read his tension at her insinuation and she felt her heart racing.

“I’m hoping it will be. That you’ll want it to be,” she felt small, vulnerable. He could break her right now if he wanted to.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he gathered her in his arms and kissed her forehead. “I don’t think anything between you and I could be anything other than serious… ever. If I could, I would tell the whole world that I’m in love with you. And anyway, now that I think about it, of course my mother knows. I’ve been in love with you since I was nine.” He slowly rubbed her back, and she leaned her forehead into the crook of his neck. "We do need to talk about your grandfather and Hux. I don’t think they should know. I don’t trust either of them."

She stilled in his arms, pulling herself away from his body to look him in the eyes. “You want to keep this a secret from them? Not that I don’t agree, but why?” She wasn’t quite sure what made her hesitate at the thought of walking into Grandfather’s office holding Ben’s hand, but he might have a better grasp since he obviously spent more time with both of them than she did.

“Rey, what exactly do you know about your grandfather’s business? Do you know how it started? Do you know about my grandfather?”

His grandfather? The only thing Rey ever heard about his grandfather were the sad comments Leia made about Ben’s temper when he was little. Her confused face must have said all he needed to know.

“I think we need to sit down.” He led her to a comfortable, yet simple looking sofa. He sat on the corner and angled himself to face her now seated at the other end. "First Order was started as a business by your grandfather, but the two founding researchers were Dr. Tarkin and Dr. Skywalker -- my grandfather.”

“What?” Rey was shocked. “I’ve never heard anything about that.”

“I had no idea either until I went to live with my uncle. He told me. That’s why we lived next to each other. My house used to belong to my grandfather who bought the land from his best friend -- your grandfather.”

“How could anyone be best friends with my grandfather? That just doesn’t seem possible,” Rey wondered aloud. Grandfather was so creepy and self-absorbed. How could anyone have enjoyed being around him?

“You don’t give him enough credit. He can be very charming when he wants to be… and manipulative,” Ben’s voice lowered.

“Oh, yes! I totally agree that he is manipulative.” Rey was certainly aware of that part of his personality. "But charming?" She frowned in disbelief.

“You’ve only ever seen one side of him. Trust me, he can seem…” Ben seemed to struggle for the right word. “Different. Kind even.”

Rey’s eyes got large. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Let’s come back to that,” Ben sighed. “Anyway, my grandfather, Anakin, left school to work for your grandfather as an apprentice of sorts. Palpatine apparently already had an apprentice, Dr. Tarkin, but he was quickly pushed aside by my grandfather who eventually developed their most successful therapies.”

“Wait, Tarkin? Is he related to secretary Tarkin?” The woman’s narrow eyes and bright red hair burst into Rey’s mind.

“Yes, Mrs. Tarkin used to be married to Dr. Tarkin, but they separated at some point. Dr. Tarkin passed away six months ago, which is why we’re having such a difficult time getting things done at First Order. That’s the position your grandfather wants you to fill.”

“Oh…” What else was there to say?

“As a side note, do you want to know what other redhead I think is related to Mrs. Tarkin?” The smile spreading across his face was absolutely wicked, which meant --

“No, way!” Rey jumped up from her seat. Looking down at his smug smile assured her she was correct. “Hux?!?”

He nodded his head with a satisfied smirk.

The comments that lingered around Hux’s parentage since they were kids came rushing back into her mind. It simply couldn’t be true. Could it? "Is Hux Grandfather’s son, not grandson?” She cringed from the thought. “Oh, that’s so disgusting! His secretary? How cliched!” Rey couldn’t help it; she was yelling in his living room. Hopefully Mitaka wouldn’t call the police. 

Ben nodded. “Only she wasn’t his secretary at the time.” He paused, perhaps for dramatic effect. “She was working at the time as a maid… at my house.”

Rey squealed with shocked delight. She paced his room covering her hands with her mouth. Oh, that was incredible. Hux was the child of an affair with the neighbor's maid. It was more entertaining than she ever could have imagined. “How exactly does that happen? How do you have an affair with your neighbor’s maid?” Rey laughed.

Ben shrugged his shoulders and made a face. “I have no idea.”

“How did you find out?”

“I vaguely remember my father making some off color jokes when I was little about the neighbor’s maid that I never understood, but for some reason it always upset my mother. And Ceecil would complain that we hadn’t had a maid since I was born. I just figured my mother had an issue with maids. When I came to work at First Order, I overheard Mrs. Tarkin make a comment to your grandfather about how difficult it was for her to believe I was the colicey baby that would keep her up all night and how much she hated that job. At first I thought she might have been a nanny. Isn’t that a frightening thought.” He grimaced.

“I can’t even imagine her holding a baby.” Rey grimaced.

“And then I saw Hux and Mrs. Tarkin together and everything fell in place. Seriously, the next time you see her, look closely. You’ll see it in the eyes and the angry scrunched up mouth.”

“Not to mention the hair,” Rey laughed. “How strange. You have a baby with the ex-wife of your business partner who was working as your neighbor’s maid and then hire her as your secretary.”

“Well, she is good at her job. I’ll give her that.” Ben stared off into space. “I think most of her job is just keeping your grandfather’s secrets. She might be the only person he ever really trusted.”

“Wouldn’t that have been incredibly awkward, though? Having the ex-wife of one of the founding partners working as the secretary of another partner after having his child?” She considered the strange office dynamics that would have created. “Wouldn’t Dr. Tarkin have been pissed?”

Ben’s eyes got large. “I want to know if they were separated before or after she had an affair with Palpatine.” They both grimaced. “And,” he continued, “Even more puzzling, how did she end up working as a maid at my house?”

Rey nodded her head. “Yeah, that is strange. Would Leia have hired her? Or would it have been Ceecil?”

“I’m not sure…” He stared off into space.

“Ben? Why is Grandfather so adamant that I take over Dr. Tarkin’s job?”

“He needs someone he can trust to see the trials in the way they need to be seen.”

“You mean fudge the numbers,” Rey said sternly.

“Eehh…” Ben rolled his eyes and rocked his head from side to side and then shrugged his shoulders. “So much of the field of research is up to interpretation. Even double blind studies aren't necessarily blind to  _ everyone _ involved. You know how science can be. The best run trials can still be…” Again with the head shaking.

“No,” said Rey even more firmly. “No. That is not how research is done.”

Ben gave her a disbelieving look. “Isn’t it? Isn’t it really, though?”

“Well, then I most certainly can not work for him,” Rey said angrily.

“Good, yes.” Ben nodded. “I couldn’t agree with you more.”

“How can you work for him then?” It was an in-your-face question, but it had to be asked.

“Your grandfather, as we agreed before, can be manipulative. He starts talking about people and insignificant data and improving people’s lives. He makes it so easy to dismiss an observation here or look twice at something there. Are you sure about that number or that subject or that dose? I swear he can make you confused about your own name if he pushes hard enough. He also always seems to know when a trial is even a little off.” He started to look angry. “He knows the regulations and the loopholes and how to tweak things just a tad to still, technically, be in compliance.”

That sounded like Grandfather. She really wasn’t surprised. Rey knew he could be capable of questionable things. It made her even more fearful of his pressure to join him.

“How did he convince you to come work there?” 

He sighed and hung his head. “He explained it to me as an opportunity. It wasn’t until I got deep into my first real trial that I began to see the pressure your grandfather pushes onto the research department to get the results he wants. I’ve been able to resist his pressure because of the numbers, but that’s not because he hasn’t tried to influence me into seeing them differently. I know he’s getting impatient with me but...” He shrugged his shoulders and stared at his hands.

Rey sat closer and touched his knee. “Ben. Look at me.” He hesitated before looking up. “Has he threatened you?”

He frowned. “He doesn’t have to actually threaten. In fact he does the opposite. He praises people for their loyalty and makes examples of those that don’t.” He paused. “That’s why he can’t know about this.” His finger bounced between them. “He’ll use it to control me and probably you, too.”

Rey nodded. She remembered how Grandfather would praise her to hurt Hux. Grandfather was very skilled in his ability to play even the most simple things to his advantage. “You’re right. With him, nothing is off limits. But, I’m not sure if I can keep this a secret. I don’t know if I even want to.”

He looked sad. “If he finds out, he’s going to try to use it against us.” He stopped and his eyes softened. “I’m afraid he’ll force you to do something you’ll regret.”

“What can we do?”

“I think my uncle might be able to help. He worked at First Order before I was born for a while. He may know how to play things. I guess it’s time I visited him anyway,” he said with a sigh.

“He lives on Ahch-To, correct?”

“Yes.”

“When do you think you’ll go?”

“As soon as I can. Maybe this weekend?” He jumped up from the sofa and walked to the kitchen, taking a seat at the bar. He opened a laptop and began clicking.

Rey came up behind him and placed her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder. He typed information into the travel site and started to scroll through the page that popped up.

“You made a mistake,” she said.

“Hmm?” He asked in question as he continued to scroll down the page.

“At the top. Go back to the top.” He followed her direction. “There.” She pointed to the screen. “That should be a two.”

He turned his head to face her. “Should it?”

“Yes.” She leaned in to kiss him, while he turned in his chair. He pulled her close before resting his forehead against hers. They shared a slow and gentle kiss as Rey forgot exactly what they were talking about.


	13. Chapter 13

Her hands were in his hair and he somehow had her caged against his kitchen counter with his arms and his body. She soon realized that one of her hands had found its way under the hem of his shirt and was working its way around his back to pull him even closer. Suddenly, she felt something furry brush her ankle and she broke Ben’s kiss to smile at him before pulling back in excitement. “You must be Artie!” She bent down to say hello to the very outgoing cat purring at their feet. “You’re not like my Beebee. She’s skittish around strangers.”

“Thanks buddy. This is why I’m always telling you that you need to get your own place. I think he’s so friendly to everyone else because he’s hoping someone will rescue him from my evil clutches.” At that, Artie began to press himself against Ben’s legs and purred louder. “Oh, don’t put on a show. Tell Rey how much I annoy you.”

Rey began to pet him. “He’s so adorable.”

Artie began to meow in response to Rey’s touch.

“Be careful. If you start, he’ll follow you around all night expecting attention.”

“Oh, will you?” She smiled at him before picking him up. He sniffed her face and began to nuzzle her chin. “Is he Artie? Is he secretly a softie?” She scratched his head. “I thought so.”

“Artie, don’t be a traitor.” Ben turned back to the computer. “Two, huh?” he questioned as he updated the search. “Are you sure.”

“Well, I’ll have to ask your mother.”

He started laughing. “This is too much. I have to ask my mother if I can take you away for the weekend. Why does this feel familiar? Do I also have to ask her if you can sleep over tonight?”

Rey gasped and smacked his arm.

“This is really something else,” he mumbled as he continued to scroll down the page of results. “Here we go. Friday. Departs at 9:10 and arrives at 10:30 with a in layover in Courescant.”

Rey leaned over to look closer still clutching the purring cat.

“With the three hour time change, we’re going to get doubly screwed on the way back.” He continued to scroll and click. “See. Departs at 2:15 with an arrival of 9:40. We’ll pretty much just have Saturday.”

Rey nodded as she considered. That would give her just a few days to find someone to cover her shift on Saturday and Sunday. Luckily she’s never really asked before and always helped other people out, so she should be able to find someone. But what if she couldn’t? Asking for favors wasn’t something she did… ever.

“Should I book it?” he asked, studying her closely.

“Uh...” She didn’t even know where to start.

“Should we call my mom?” He smiled. Was he teasing her?

“Um...” She was starting to panic.

“Hey, relax.” He leaned back and looked at her. His hand squeezed her shoulder and then dropped to scratch Artie behind his ear. “I’ll call her. I can take the heat.”

“Ben that makes me look…” Like what exactly? A child? Like someone that can't take care of herself? Like someone that needs help?

“Like someone that obviously works so hard she doesn’t even know how to take a weekend off.” He smiled. “This is exactly the type of question that you ask your mentor who also happens to be my mother. It’s fine.”

“I didn’t think you even talked to her.”

He looks away. “I didn’t… until a few weeks ago. She reached out because she thought I was upset about your residency. After that, I had… reasons.”

“Sure… reasons.” Rey smiled. “Go ahead and call her.”

The phone rang twice before she answered. Rey could hear the smile on Leia’s face when she said teasingly, “I can’t imagine what you’re up to this late, Benjamin.”

“Mom. I’m here with Rey.”

She laughed, “Of course you are.” Rey sighed into his neck as she listened to the conversation.

“Mom, Palpatine wants Rey to join us at First Order. I’m against it obviously, but I think we need help.”

There was a slight pause before she exhaled a long breath. “Oh, dear God. How does Rey feel about that?” She spoke loudly, probably hoping that Rey was listening.

“That would be my worst nightmare,” returned Rey.

“Can you please not tell anyone about Rey and I. We don’t want her grandfather to find out until we have a plan. We're afraid if he knew, he might try to complicate things.”

“Yes,” she sounded sad. “I could see that happening. I said something to your father and… maybe…” Ben started to shake his head. “Ceecil.”

Ben groaned. “You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t… think. I’ll talk to him and insist he say nothing about it.”

“Well, good luck with that.” He rubbed his forehead. “We also wanted to ask you for your help. I want to get some advice about how Rey should approach this with Palpatine, so I thought we could both go visit…” He cleared his throat. “Luke.”

Silence. Shock? Concern? Rey wasn’t sure. She started to chew on her thumbnail. 

“I think that would be a good idea,” Leia said slowly. “When?”

“This weekend. Sooner would be better.” A slightly uncomfortable silence followed.

“Mmhmm. Yes, that’s probably a good idea.” She seemed to be making up her mind. “That would be good for both of you to confront this together. Luke might be able to explain some things about her grandfather and yours.”

Ben nodded to Rey. “That’s what I thought. Can you help Rey make arrangements at work? We don’t want anyone to know what's going on. I know there are a few connections between the hospital and First Order and we want to be careful. Is there a way we could keep it that no one would know she was going away for the weekend?”

“Yes,” Leia said slowly. “Let me think about it. I’ll come up with something. Just tell Rey to act surprised along with anyone else whose schedule I tweak. I might make it about me. That would probably be easier.”

“Thanks, mom. We appreciate it.” He smiled brightly and gave a thumbs up. “I’ll send you the flight details when I book it, so you’ll know what we’re working with.”

“It’s so good to talk to you, Ben. I love you!”

“I love you, too, Mom.” He put the phone down and beamed at Rey.

“Book it!” she shouted as she jumped off her stool and stood behind him to watch the computer screen. “Then you can show me the rest of the house,” she whispered in his ear and kissed his neck.

“Copy, that!” He clicked away at the computer.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey decided that his bed was absolutely more comfortable than hers. She figured First Order must pay better than the hospital as she brushed her hand over what must be fifteen million thread count sheets. And the mattress -- holy crap! She’d always wondered about those stupid mattress commercials with the wackos talking about clouds and pressure points, but suddenly some of their stupid comments made a bit more sense.

Also adding to the ambiance, Artie was proving himself to be a much better kitty than Beebee. She would have to have a chat with her when she got home. Artie was lying next to her massaging her side with his paws as he purred like her neighbors' pickup truck that used to shake her entire apartment. His paws gently kneaded her hip one paw after another like he knew exactly how much she was enjoying it.

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” Ben called from the hallway. “Are you ready?” He leaned his head in the doorway.

“Sure! Artie, please. I promise I'll stop moving,” she cooed, disrupting his ministrations. He immediately looked offended and jumped off the bed. “Come back,” she called after him as he pranced down the hallway.

“Oh, don’t mind him. He’ll be back in five minutes having forgotten the whole thing. Unlike you who I know will remember,” he paused. Darn Ben Solo and his dramatics. “This!” he shouted as he stepped into the room holding a tray with… she could feel the tears starting when her eyes landed on it.

Ben had made them hot chocolate with marshmallows and next to his boring mug with the First Order logo was her favorite mug. The one she used at his house with starships and planets on it. The tears were starting in earnest as she reached for it, finally holding it in her hands for the first time in years. She examined it closely, running her thumb over the slightly faded pictures. It made her so happy. When was the last time something made her this happy? She looked up at Ben who smiled gently at her before leaning down to kiss her cheek. Oh, right. She smiled to herself.

“And,” he said as he picked up his own cup. “It’s Ceecil’s magic recipe.” All smiles this Ben, her Ben. She raised her mug to click against his before taking a sip.

“It tastes like childhood,” she whispered in awe.

“And I have something else…” Ben placed his mug on the nightstand before sliding off the bed to reach under it. Revealing the bag with a flourish, he handed it over to Rey.

She put aside her hot chocolate and gently opened the nondescript plastic bag before her. A gasp of recognition escaped her lips as the tears trailed quietly down her cheeks. She carefully pulled out her blanket and brought it to her face. It was still so soft and comforting. She rubbed it on her cheek before unfolding it to cover her body. “I love this blanket,” she whispered.

“So do I,” he smiled at her. He slid next to her and she began to cover him with the blanket. He pulled his shirt over his head and began kicking the million dollar sheets and comforter away, leaving them covered only with the battered gray blanket that was just as soft on her skin as Rey remembered. He pulled her into his arms as she continued to arrange the blanket to cover them both. “This is all I’ve ever wanted,” he smiled at her, grabbing her hand and gently placing it over his heart.

"Me, too." Rey began to realize how broken this all must have made him as well. He held on to these little pieces of her like treasures, revealing a suffering so similar to her own. All these years she thought she was alone in her sadness, thinking that he'd forgotten her in his anger, while he was in pain without her as well.

Between long kisses and gentle touches, Ben explained how on his first visit home after moving to Uncle Luke’s, he had taken her blanket and mug back with him. He slept with the blanket every night the first few years, and then it became a never-changing part of bedding. It was always on his bed, through high school and eventually undergrad. He even got nicknamed Linus for a few weeks after his roommate found him snuggling it in his sleep one early morning. After that, he kept it wrapped up, but it was always close by.

Rey ran her fingers over his body as he told her about her blanket. It was hers, just as the mug was, just as he was. Ben had kept it for her, taking care of it, valuing it, as she had of their memories together. Wrapping it tighter around her body and his, feeling its velvety texture tickle her body as it protected them from the chilled air of his apartment, Rey let herself go. She surrendered to desires deep within that came alive at his touch in the safety of the cocoon of their shared history. It was intoxicating, an overload of the senses as her heart burst with the passion of a love so long denied being realized at last. Her body was adoringly caressed and cherished by lips and hands that pulsed with emotion and made her tremble beneath him. It was like nothing else. She knew that she would learn him, memorize his body, his movements, his needs, as she memorized everything else about him. With a gasp, she held him as tightly as she could, pulling him deeper into her, as close as he could be and where he truly belonged. She kissed his heart as he had done and she prayed she was healing his as he was healing hers.

  
  


Rey stared at the sliver of light that streaked across Ben’s ceiling. She’d been watching it shift slowly the last few minutes, eyeing the clock with the knowledge she had just a few more minutes before she needed to get up. Ben was asleep, half on his stomach, facing away from her and she resisted the temptation to touch his back. He breathed quietly and the rise and fall of his shoulders provided a sense of peace she’d never known. As she studied what she could see of his body, she felt a tightness in her chest. This is love. This must be what people talked about. Strangely, it felt like she was experiencing symptoms of a myocardial infarction. But, in this case, it was painful in the most delishly wonderful way.

She felt herself begin to cry. Again?!? She had suddenly turned into a weeping mess. As she looked around his bedroom, she began to understand what he meant the other day -- no, it was only yesterday -- about not wanting to leave. She was surrounded by him, his home, his life, his things. It was like a drug. She didn’t want to leave either. She wanted to stay here, live here. What an absurd thought. She’d never had thoughts like this, but as she considered it, she realized with conviction it was true. The empty spot in the corner, her lounge chair would fit in it perfectly. She imagined herself sitting there by the window wrapped up in the gray blanket with her cup full of coffee and Beebee perched on the armrest looking out the window.

The tears raced down the side of her face as she felt with growing confidence that this was where she belonged. The thought of going out into the world without the security of knowing she would be coming home to him tonight actually hurt. It hit her with a jolt of loneliness. She wouldn’t allow herself to be separated from him again. They’d lost so much time already. Nothing would keep her from him -- nothing. She had a new appreciation for those crazy people that would run off to get married only days after meeting. She’d always thought that was insane. But in this moment, she realized how much it meant to bind yourself to someone in a way that could never be undone. She would do it in a heartbeat. If Ben would allow it, there was nothing that would stop her.

“Ben?” She ran her finger tips lightly up his back and down again. “Ben?”

“Hmm,” he mumbled as he awoke and looked over his shoulder at her. “Rey?” His eyes were fluttering open. When he finally seemed to see her clearly, his eyes softened immediately in concern. “You're crying. What’s wrong?” He rolled over to face her and pulled her into him to kiss her softly. “What is it?” His hands began to move around her body in examination.

“I don’t want to leave.” The tears started to gain momentum. “I want to stay here with you forever.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” His arms squeezed her tightly, pulling her onto him as she rested her ear against his chest. “Please don’t cry about that. You don’t have to go anywhere… ever. Well, maybe not forever. I think we might want a bigger place someday.” He pulled back to smile at her. “I kinda like your place.” His eyes got wide. “It’s like a magical Reyland.”

“That’s why I like your place,” she smiled back. “It’s all Ben-ish.”

He laughed. “Well imagine what it would be like if our place was all Rey-ish and Ben-ish. We’ll have to get jobs where we can work from home because we’ll never want to leave.” He was grinning at her.

She took a deep breath. “I want Artie to meet Beebee.”

“Oh, me, too.” His hand traced up and down her side. “I think Artie will be beside himself meeting another hot girl.”

“I want to give up my apartment.” Rey’s heart began to pound. What if she was going too far? Saying too much? Pushing too hard?

He reached his arms around her to squeeze her tightly to him. “That is the most wonderful thing you’ve ever said to me.” He kissed the top of her head. “Are you sure, though?” Rey stilled in his arms as the fear began to pump through her heart. “I could sell this place and we could live in your apartment or we could go someplace new?” Rey relaxed.

“No.” She sighed. “I like it here.” She rested her head back on his chest. “At least for now.” He resumed running his hand up and down her side, drawing out a tingling shiver. “I love you, Ben.”

He made a grumbling sound as he rolled her on her back and looked down at her from above. “I love you, Rey.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. She felt her body opening up for him, shifting to make room to allow him to be where he belonged.

“I need to get up soon,” she whispered as he began kissing her neck making his way to her breasts. How funny -- she didn’t even sound convincing to herself. 

“Don’t worry,” he mumbled between kisses. “I can work quickly.” She could feel him smiling into her chest as he began chuckling. She gently tugged at his hair in response.


	15. Chapter 15

As it turns out, Ben could be surprisingly efficient upon request. Rey not only had time to shower, but also to have a quick breakfast before she had to go. While she was slathering a generous helping of cream cheese on her cinnamon raisin bagel, her phone pinged. She checked her alerts to find an email from Leia.

“Ben. Come look. It's an email from your mother to my team.” He stood from his stool to read the phone over her shoulder as he finished his cereal.

Good morning,

I’m sorry to inconvenience you, but I’ve been invited to speak at my alma mater to fill in for another speaker that cancelled at the last minute. I would have refused, but the head of the biology department is a personal friend that I graduated with. I would like to shuffle a few things around to fill the holes I’m leaving behind because I’ll be in Naboo on Thursday and Friday.

Here are the changes I would like to suggest:

| 

Wednesday

| 

Thursday

| 

Friday

| 

Saturday

| 

Sunday  
  
---|---|---|---|---|---  
  
Solo

| 

11 AM - 7 PM

|  |  | 

11 AM - 11 PM

| 

1 PM - 11 PM  
  
Kanata

|  | 

7 AM - 4 PM

| 

7 PM -

| 

7 AM ; 11 PM -

| 

9 AM  
  
Dameron

| 

6 PM -

| 

6 AM ; 9 PM -

| 

6 AM

|  | 

9 PM  
  
Wexley

| 

10 AM - 7 PM

|  | 

10 AM - 8 PM

| 

6 AM - 5 PM

| 

7 AM - 5 PM  
  
Palpatine

| 

7 AM - 7 PM

| 

11 AM - 9 PM

| 

7 AM - 4 PM

|  |   
  
I tried not to mess things up too much, but I know this changed some days off. If this is an inconvenience for you, please let me know and I can check with Dr. Ackbar and Dr. Organa. Again, I’m so sorry to be making change like this and I appreciate your willingness to help me.

Dr. Leia Solo

“Wow,” said Ben. “Her skills at deception are truly impressive.” He ate another spoonful of Raisin Bran.

“I’ll say. Who can become a guest speaker on demand?”

“Well, that I can explain.” He scraped the bowl and took another bite before continuing. “Dr. Holdo is one of her closest friends who I’m sure has been begging her to come speak forever. She probably called her up and said she’d finally be willing.”

“That must be nice to be so in demand you can just make speaking engagements up out of thin air.”

“Don’t be jealous, Dr. Palpatine.” He leaned over to kiss Rey’s cheek. “One day, I’m sure, colleges will be banging on your door with requests for you to share your wisdom with a bunch of half-asleep, half-hungover undergrads.”

Rey swatted his shoulder. “Hey, can I come over tonight?”

“Are you going to hit me if I say no?” He grimaced as she wacked him again.

“I’m serious.” She suddenly felt nervous.

“Rey.” He put down his cereal bowl. “Look at me.” He waited for her eyes. “I was serious when I said we could be wherever, but I want to be with you… I want to be with you whenever I can, and that absolutely includes later tonight.” He grabbed her arms, pulling her into a hug. She could feel the tears starting. Again? This was ridiculous. She needed to get it together.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into his chest. 

“Don’t be afraid.” He squeezed her tightly and kissed her forehead. “I feel it, too.”

She felt her nervous tension slowly release. How could he do this? Soothe all her insecurities with a few simple words and some gentle touches. “I love you, Ben.”

He gave her one final squeeze before slapping her butt and pulling himself away. “I love you, too, dork.” He smiled. “Now take your bagel and leave before you’re late for work and I get a nasty phone call from my puppetmaster of a mother.” He picked up his cereal bowl and continued eating.

“Okay, bossypants,” Rey sighed with an almost giddiness. Giddiness? What the hell?

“Oh, wait.” He hurried to swallow his mouthful. “Text me when you're on your way over. I’ll order Chinese.” He smiled and his eyes got large.

Rey laughed. “I will,” she called on her way out the door.

When she got to work, she couldn’t help the smile that was plastered on her face. She was just so happy. After weeks of self-doubt, she was suddenly impervious to the web of insecurities that had been catching her whenever she faced a serious case. Her conversations with Ben had recalibrated her confidence levels. She wouldn’t let Grandfather’s comments get the best of her -- she just wouldn’t.

“Someone here must have had her coffee this morning,” smiled Poe when he saw her walking down the hall. He quickly covered his eyes. “Your smile,” he moaned. “It’s blinding me.” He laughed as he pulled his hands from his face. “Oh, I know why you’re so smiley today; you must have seen what Leia did to the schedule. Looks like she pulled most of your shift leaving you with a solid weekend off.”

Rey smiled even bigger.

“You do realize that must be some type of glitch on her part, don’t you? Until you’re a full-fledged resident like me you are relegated to only the most inconsistent and socially damaging schedule possible. I think it’s part of the master plan to ensure that we either don’t have a private life at all or our family learns that we can’t be counted on to do anything that isn’t specifically work-related on the weekend.”

“Wow.” Rey made a face. “That’s a pretty negative spin on my getting a weekend off. What put you in such a bad mood Dr. Rainy Day Dameron?”

With that, Poe folded his hands on the counter in front of him, buried his head in his arms, and began fake crying.

“So what's wrong this time?” Rey asked as she placed her hand gently on his shoulder.

Keeping his head down, he began to mumble into his arms. Rey couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying. Rose was walking by and Rey waved her over and pointed at Poe.

Rose joined her and pointed down at Poe’s hidden head. She made a face and rolled her eyes. “Poe,” she cooed in his ear as she leaned over him. “Finn is a big boy and he can fight his own battles.”

More mumbling.

“Poe!” Rose demanded as she slapped the counter.

His head jerked up revealing an overly dramatic frown. He was pouting -- actively pouting.

“What on earth is going on?” Rey asked.

“Finn thinks he’s going to get fired,” Poe sighed. “He’s been impossible to live with the last few days because he’s been coming home all upset and irritable. We just signed a new lease, and it’s going to be impossible to pay our rent if he loses his job.” His eyes narrowed as he looked at Rey. “Should I be telling you this? You won’t say anything will you?”

“I don’t talk to anyone at First Order except…” She wasn’t sure how to continue.

“Yes, I know, obviously you must speak to your grandfather and Hux. Please just don’t say anything to Leia,” Poe whispered.

Rey felt her stomach drop as she considered his words. She had a really bad feeling about where this conversation was heading. “Is it Ben? Has he done something?”

“It’s always Ben,” Poe sighed. “For as long as Finn has worked there, he has been nothing but Ben’s personal punching bag, and, trust me, Ben has a lot of anger that he needs to punch out on a continual basis.”

Rey bit her lip to stop the smile pulling on her cheeks. She really shouldn't allow herself to find Ben's temper so amusing. She forced herself to think about sad things like crying children and that bird that flew into her car last summer. 

“But the last few days have been something else entirely.” Poe rubbed his forehead.

“What has Solo been doing to him now? Making him clean toilets? Donate his own plasma? Participate in one of the trials himself?” Rose tapped her fingers on the counter impatiently waiting for Poe’s response.

“No,” said Poe. “It’s worse.” He looked around and leaned closer to the two of them like he was going to go against security protocol and reveal top secret information that would get him arrested any second by undercover government agents. “Ben has been nice to him,” Poe whispered.

Rey and Rose looked at each other and burst into laughter. 

“Really, Poe?” Rose sighed and rolled her eyes.

“No, don’t you see?” Poe quickly responded. “That means he’s probably going to fire him. Finn says he’s been smiling -- smiling. And, he’s been friendly. Ben evidently even tried to help when Poe was having problems with one of their patients. That’s not normal." Poe crossed his arms in front of him. "Finn is convinced Ben has made up his mind to let him go and is just waiting to finish whatever poisoned brew he concocted in his laboratory cauldron to break my precious Finn’s heart.”

Rey couldn’t help it; she had to stop this. “Poe.” She waited for him to look at her. “I promise you, Ben is not in a good mood because he plans to fire Finn.”

“How could you possibly know that? You admitted that you don’t know him anymore.” He covered his eyes again. “Would it be wrong for me to run things by Leia? No. I know I can’t do that. Maybe I should just ask around the lab and see if there are any openings.”

Rose wandered away from the conversation with a smile and a shrug, leaving Rey to deal with the mess she left behind.

“Poe, seriously.” Rey touched his arm and tapped it. “I  _ know _ that Ben’s good mood is completely unrelated to Finn’s work performance.” His eyes rose in skepticism. “Please trust me.” Rey smiled. “I  _ know _ that’s not why he’s been happy… I  _ know _ ...” Her eyes got large and she nodded her head as she smiled again.

“How can  _ you _ know that?” Poe asked with a smirk. He appeared to be catching on.

“Because,” Rey whispered. “Ben has been happy the last few days for the same reason I have been happy.” She felt herself blushing. “Ben and I…” She nodded her head again.

“What?” Poe’s head jerked back in shock. “What are you saying?”

Rey flapped her hands to quiet Poe’s ridiculously loud mouth. “Poe, you cannot say anything, and I mean anything, to anyone. But please tell Finn not to worry about getting fired or at least not base his fears of getting fired on Ben’s mood swings. Okay?”

“You can’t possibly be serious.” He took a step back and examined her in the same critical way Ben’s neighbor had. She couldn’t help but feel offended… again. He leaned closer, “You?” His voice got even quieter. “You and Ben?”

Rey nodded. “Poe you have to promise me that you won’t say anything. Please this is very, very important to me. There are things my grandfather could do to cause problems for me if he found out. Please, please don’t make me regret telling you.”

Suddenly Rey felt herself getting nervous. She always liked Poe, but could he actually be trusted? What would Ben say when he found out she told him? Or Leia? She started to get scared. She brought her thumb to her mouth and immediately began to chew the corner of her nail off.

“Rey.” Poe grabbed her hand. “I don’t know what you are thinking or why this is so important, but I promise I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” He looked earnest, and she felt herself relax a little. “But, can I at least tell Finn?” He flashed her a hopeful smile.

Rey felt her heartbeat begin to race again. “If you have to say something, just say that you heard Ben’s been getting along better with his parents. They’ve been having civil conversations, which is a big deal for them.”

Poe smiled and raised his hand in salute. He strode off down the hall.

Rey sighed in relief. She sat down in front of a computer to check updates on her charts, but first said a silent prayer that she hadn’t just completely blown her secret on the third day. She rubbed her hand over her face in disappointment. 


	16. Chapter 16

Ben let out a sigh of frustration as the passenger next to the window asked for the third time since they took off if they could let her out of her seat. This time it was to get a book from her bag overhead.

“You know you can put your bag under the seat in front of you,” he said in a tone that might have attempted to be helpful, but clearly was not. Rey grabbed his arm in warning. The woman looked confused, like he spoke another language, but she proceeded to stuff her bag into the tiny space she was allotted. Rey couldn’t wait to see her attempt to open that thing in the approximately three inches she had to work with, but at least Ben seemed satisfied as he attempted to squeeze himself back into his seat. Rey rested her head against his shoulder and his hand returned to her knee.

Whack! “Oh, hey! Sorry, buddy,” a portly gentleman called over his shoulder as Ben rubbed his shoulder and rearranged himself in the seat for what seemed like the tenth time in as many minutes.

“I think I’m going to have black and blue marks all over my right arm and leg,” he grumbled in her ear. “How can they not have some sort of regulation about this?”

“They do, Ben. That’s why we haven’t died yet from thrombosis.”

“Yet, Rey. Yet.” He leaned closer. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her to keep her bag. At least then I’d have an excuse to get out of this deathtrap.”

“Do you want me to sit on the end?”

“Absolutely not. The only thing keeping me going is the ability to stretch into the aisle.” He leaned in closer to avoid a woman squeezing past. “But, that also comes with its own challenges.”

Rey ran her fingers over his hand clutching her knee. Like everything else about him, she felt a desire to memorize the size, shape, and feel of his hand. How strange to be so driven to know such trivial things about a person. How even stranger that those trivial things could feel so important. He smiled at her inspection, probably well aware of what she was doing.

“So am I going to like your uncle?” It was probably a good idea to have a grasp of what she was getting herself into. Leia hadn’t really been helpful, only telling her to, “Have fun,” and smiling like Rey just told her a joke, which she didn’t. The response seemed a little unusual considering the circumstances.

Ben didn’t hesitate. “Oh, you’re going to love him.”

“Really?” She was concerned because the descriptions she’d gathered about him just seemed incongruous. A non-practicing medical doctor that taught yoga and acted as a life coach. Ben made comments about growing up on a beach and learning meditation. Rey once noticed a picture in Leia’s office of a young man with bright blond hair and a surfboard that Leia had described at the time as her “hippy twin brother.”

“Don’t worry,” he squeezed her hand. “You are going to find him funny and charming and charismatic. And he will be equally fond of your intelligence and your kindness and your perceptiveness and your--” He seemed like he could go on indefinitely, so she interrupted him.

“But you don’t like him?” She offered the question already knowing the answer, but hoping he would explain himself.

“No. I can’t stand him.” He paused, seeming to consider how to best explain himself. "You know how there are some people that just irritate the hell out of you for no particular reason at all, except that every single thing they do is mind-bogglingly annoying? That’s my Uncle Luke.”

“Ben…” She had to smile.

“I love him. He raised me. He was there for me. He taught me some amazing things about life and myself, but he just drives me batshit crazy. And before you get angry with me, don’t. He finds me equally annoying. I have a talent of pushing every single one of his buttons at the same exact time. You’ll see.”

“Well, now I’m not sure how I feel. Should I be excited or scared.”

“Don’t worry.” He smiled, bumping his knee against hers. “You are going to absolutely love him and, I’m sure, find our interactions highly entertaining. At least that’s what my parents always say.”

“Hmm…” Rey had about one and a half flights and a forty minute layover to consider this.

  
  
  


Ben was right about one thing… Rey did immediately like Luke, but she could easily see how Ben could find him annoying. He had the same knowing eyes of his sister, but a very easy-going nature that reminded her of the term Leia had used so accurately: hippy. Luke was the quintessential hippy with his sun-bleached hair, overly-tanned skin, Aloha shirt, complete with a gold chain with a cross around his neck. He insisted on picking them up at the airport and taking them to stay at his house. Ben rolled his eyes when he explained the offer, but he’d also ultimately agreed to it.

Luke smiled warmly when he spotted them at the luggage carousel. Even though Ben towered over him, he called Ben his “little buddy” before giving him a hug and patting his arm. He’d also given Rey a dramatic flourish that almost made her want to do a curtsy.

“You must be Rey,” he said as he warmly squeezed her hand. “My sister speaks so highly of you. You look so different from the picture this idiot used to pout over with his blankie.” 

Ben flushed at the comment and was quick to change the topic. “Really, Luke? Socks and sandals?”

“Oh, be quiet! What can I say? My feet get cold.”

Rey had to laugh when she saw him lead them to the back of a dirty jeep in the parking lot. She looked at Ben, who rolled his eyes and whispered, “Of course.” The drive to his house didn’t take long, but it was long enough for her hair to clump into a tangled mess. 

Once Rey got a look at the house, she realized why Ben hadn’t fought over the invitation -- it was beautiful. It looked like a tropical paradise even in the dark and she couldn’t wait to see what everything looked like in the daylight. She could hear the surf from the beach, but she couldn’t see the ocean. It was late, so Luke showed them the kitchen and gave an invitation to make themselves at home before going to bed. They had a quick snack of some kind of sweetbread with honey and then headed to bed as well.

“Let’s see what he did to my old room,” Ben whispered as he led her through the house. He sighed when he flipped on a light switch to a comfortable looking room that clearly had been more than a guest room at one time. 

Remnants of a life left behind lingered on various shelves and in the furnishings. An action figure and model cars sat on a dresser. A clock in the shape of a spaceship sat on the nightstand. A desk still had a bulletin board hanging above it and amongst various paintings and posters, Rey spotted something familiar. In the top corner was a picture she had drawn for Ben. He’d kept it. Like the other pieces of their childhood. It made her heart hurt. And there, next to his desk lamp was a framed picture, the one Luke must have been referring to. Rey ran her fingers over the glass just as she imagined a young Ben doing. 

The picture was perfect. It was taken after they’d been playing in the pool. Rey had a towel wrapped around her shoulders and Ben was hugging her from behind. They looked like they had spent the day in the sun with slightly sunburnt cheeks and smiles that took up half their faces. They looked so happy together. Again, she felt a pang in her chest. 

“I loved you so much,” Rey whispered to Ben, or maybe herself. “You made me so happy, Ben.”

He was watching her from across the room with a look of sadness, maybe defeat. “I’m so sorry, Rey.”

“No,” Rey demanded, almost angry. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do this. Do not blame yourself. This belongs to Hux, not you.” She went to give him a hug, and he ended up holding her so tightly that he lifted her off her feet. 

"Thank you for saying that,” he whispered in her ear. “I loved you so much then, but now I love you more than I ever thought could be possible." He hesitated. "Shall I make love to you in my childhood bedroom or should we find a nice guest room with a view of the ocean?"

"Where is Luke’s room?" she asked innocently. 

"Good point," he said as he placed her feet back on the ground. "To the other wing we go. Follow me." He grabbed their bags and led her back down the hall.


	17. Chapter 17

The sounds of the waves slowly came into Rey’s awareness. Ben must have gotten up at some point and opened the sliding glass door because it hadn’t been open before. Her eyes fluttered and she began to make sense of the world around her. It was beautiful: the bright green of the palm tree outside the patio, the colors of flowers in the landscape, and of course, the azure of the ocean glistening in the morning light. She sat up in bed in pure awe of the view just begging for her to explore.

Ben was still fast asleep next to her, obviously not used to sharing his bed as he seemed to be a mess of arms and legs twisted in the sheets and hogging up almost the entire bed. She delicately slid herself from under the covers and tiptoed into the bathroom after grabbing some clothes. When she was dressed, she found Ben still undisturbed and couldn’t help but smile as she slipped outside.

It was breathtaking. How wonderful it must have been to grow up here. She took everything in, but found herself being drawn to the shore a short walk away. The sand was more coarse than most beaches she’d been to, but the water was a dark shade of blue that twinkled. She couldn’t help getting her feet wet -- too cold to be comfortable in the morning breeze, but probably refreshing in the hot afternoon sun. She couldn’t wait for Ben to show her around.

As she made her way back to the house, she spied Luke on the main patio down past their room. He waved when he saw her, and she felt driven to take advantage of the opportunity to speak with him alone.

“Good morning,” he called as she approached. “Would you like some breakfast?”

“No, thank you. I’ll wait for Ben.” She couldn’t help but gape at the impressive spread he had before him. “Well, maybe I will.” It looked amazing. There were muffins and fruit salad and a delicious looking egg casserole with what looked like vegetables and sausage covered with cheese.

“I was hoping someone would join me.” He motioned to the prepared seat next to him. “I’ll go wake up mop-head once we’ve had a minute to talk.”

Rey laughed as she took a seat and began serving herself probably way too much food. “This looks fantastic. Did you make all this yourself?”

“Nah,” he shook his head and waved off her comment like it was absurd. “I have people that take care of me.” He smiled. “How about you? Do you have people that take care of you?”

It was an odd, startling question. She wasn’t sure what exactly he was asking or how best to respond. “No. I look after myself.”

“Ah…” He nodded. “Like mop-head,” he said with a chuckle.

“Yes,” she said as she poured herself a glass of orange juice. “Mop-head and I are very much alike.”

“Mmm..” He gave her a knowing smile. “Lonely.” She narrowed her eyes feeling slightly offended. “But, not anymore.” He lifted his glass to her with a smile.

She wasn’t sure what to say. Was he making fun of her? Of them? Or was this something else?

“Mop-head is a feeler, a thinker. Always so many different things going on in his head at the same time. It’s dizzying and exhausting to watch him from the outside, knowing how much things will stir him up and just waiting for it to happen. He can be very trying even for the most patient of us.” He motioned to himself. “I hope you’re ready for that. His constant moods can be…” He rolled his eyes.

Rey could feel herself starting to get annoyed. His patronizing arrogance about Ben’s emotions and personality were starting to rub her the wrong way. And the mop-head comment had lost its luster.

“I love Ben and his emotions.” Rey said firmly and with a conviction that surprised even her. “All of them.”

Luke cocked his head as he considered her. He seemed at a momentary loss of how to respond. Rey smiled internally and rewarded herself with a big forkful of eggs. It tasted as amazing as it looked.

“That’s good,” he finally nodded. Rey felt herself feeling smug -- like she’d won a round of chess she didn’t know she’d been playing. “I guess that’s the Palpatine arrogance in you.” That ended her private reverie with a jolt.

She swallowed her mouthful. It didn’t taste as good as it had five seconds ago. “Excuse me?” she demanded as she slammed down her fork. Her eyes narrowed into his and a fire began to simmer inside. “You don’t know anything about me.” She felt herself growing powerful under his glare. 

Luke leaned back in his seat and a slight smile crept across his face. Rey realized he was watching her like a toy that you wound up and then released to watch speed uncontrolled until it banged into things and ran out of energy. She didn’t like it. At all.

“I think I’m going to go wake up Ben.” She felt the anger pulsing through her system as she stalked back to the patio of their room. She didn’t dare look back at him, afraid to see a look of satisfaction that was surely plastered on his stupid face.

Rey banged the sliding glass door shut with a loud smack. She was immediately annoyed at herself for giving Luke the satisfaction of hearing how much he’d made her angry. Ben startled up from the pillow at the sound.

“What?” His eyes searched the room as he tried to come to his senses.

“You were wrong, Ben. I can’t stand your uncle.” She paced back and forth in front of the door. “He’s an arrogant asshole that seems to think his friendly smile and laid-back attitude will allow him to say whatever rude and obnoxious thing runs through his narrow-minded head.”

Ben rubbed his face with his hand in an attempt to wake himself up. He began chuckling quietly as he continued to rub the sleep from his eyes. “Tell me again what you think of him. I’m not sure I heard you right.” He smiled as he pulled his hand from his face.

“Your uncle is a rude, self-righteous prick that I don’t think I like at all.”

Ben smiled brightly at her and he reached out his hand for her to take. “Come here.” She grasped it and sat next to him on the edge of the bed. He brushed the hair from her face and cradled the back of her head in his hand. He kissed her gently for a moment before pulling back to rest his forehead on hers. “You are amazing.”

“I thought you said I would like him.” She sounded like a disappointed child.

“I thought you would. Everyone likes him.” He smiled. “You and I must be the only ones in the world that are impervious to his Skywalker charm. It’s so nice to finally have some company.”

He slid his arms around her and laid back in bed, pulling her on top of him. She rested her head on his chest as he squeezed her tightly. His hand swept her hair behind her ear as he leaned up to kiss her forehead.

“And he called you mop-head,” she pouted as he began to rub her back.

He laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve called him much worse and probably will multiple times before lunch.” He squeezed her tightly against him before continuing to rub circles on her back. 

“I just… I can’t believe how much his comments got under my skin. I feel like I was played.”

“Oh, you were.” His arms and his hands were starting to calm her. “He plays everyone. He’s very perceptive, which he uses to his advantage. Everyone is always so dazzled by his insight that they don’t realize how arrogant he is.” Rey felt a breath of tension release from her lungs as she melted in his arms. “Don’t worry. You probably scared him. He’s not used to people calling him out on his bullshit… at least not by people other than me.” He kissed her forehead again. “You just never stop impressing this mop-head, do you?”

She smiled into his chest, feeling strangely at peace.

  
  


They were showered, fully dressed, and prepared when they emerged an hour later. Rey felt protected with invisible armor as she followed Ben into the kitchen clutching his hand tightly. The view of the patio showed that breakfast had been cleared, but some pastries sat on the kitchen counter in obvious invitation for them. Ben perused the selection before going to the refrigerator to get something to drink.

“There’s leftover breakfast in here if you want,” he said as he removed the lid of a container and reached in for a bite.

“No, thanks,” Rey said, her stomach slightly churning at the thought. “I’ll just have a muffin.”

Rey found his ease in Luke’s kitchen fascinating. She had to remind herself that Luke was his family, just like Hux and Grandfather were hers. Ben’s childhood might have been even more similar to her own than she would have guessed.

“Are you sure?” He reached for a spoon, knowing which drawer to go to for it. “It’s really good.”

“I’m sure.” Rey gently picked at her muffin.

“You’re up.” Luke sauntered into the kitchen and took a seat on the stool next to Rey. She felt herself stiffen at his proximity. “Rey? I’m sorry if I offended you earlier. Sometimes I say too much.” His eyes twinkled as he smiled at her.

Rey shot Ben a panicked glance. He raised his eyebrows and smiled between bites and a wave of reassurance washed over her. She finally forced herself to turn to Luke with a nod. “I guess I should apologize for my Palpatine irritability.” She could hear her annoyance in her voice.

Luke sat quietly for a moment and then began to laugh -- probably in an attempt to diffuse the lingering tension. Rey plastered a fake smile on her face. She could play along, too.

Ben began eating out of the container with a spoon, which again reminded her of his obvious comfort level here. His eyes darted between her and Luke in obvious amusement. Rey couldn’t believe it; he was enjoying himself.

“So...” Luke lingered on the word for a moment too long. “How can I help you, Benjamin? Whatever it is, it must be pretty important if it brought you all the way out here for the first time in years.”

Ben cleared his throat after swallowing a large spoonful of egg casserole. “We're not sure how to handle Palpatine because he’s pressuring Rey to leave the hospital and come to work at First Order.”

“Shit, Ben!” Luke dropped his head into his hands. “I thought Rey was pregnant.”

Rey gasped and Ben dropped his spoon on the counter. “Jesus, Luke! We’re not teenagers. Exactly what kind of help would you be providing if we were having a baby? We’re both doctors for heaven's sake.”

“I thought you wanted advice about telling your mother.” He looked up, completely red faced with embarrassment. “And her grandfather.”

Ben rolled his eyes and resumed eating. Evidently, this conversation wasn’t as upsetting for him as it was for Rey. In her horrified state, she completely lost any interest in eating for the second time in one morning. Luke’s comment made her feel about sixteen years old. All she could do was sit back and watch the conversation between them.

Luke sat staring straight ahead for a few moments hugging himself. “Refusing Palpatine, huh?” He continued to stare into space. “That can be a tricky one.” One of his legs started to bounce up and down in thought. A nervous habit? Rey wasn’t one to talk with her chewed fingernails. “Has he got any dirt on you, Ben?”

Rey tried to act uninterested in his response.

“Nah,” Ben swallowed. “I’ve nudged a few trials in one direction or another, but nothing illegitimate. Besides, any argument against my work would always reflect worse on him because it would undermine his own treatment plans.”

“Not necessarily,” Luke countered. “Palpatine is smart. He knows how to spin things to go the way he wants. And… he sets traps. Have you seen any yet?”

Ben nodded. Rey couldn’t help but wonder what kind of traps they were talking about. She recalled the jealousy Grandfather created in Hux by praising Rey relentlessly. Probably money and promises kept Hux under control today. She thought of Mrs. Tarkin, working so close to him for all those years as he secretly raised their child as a grandson without her.

“He sets them for everyone close to him just in case someone attempts to step out of line. You have to find out what trap he’s set for you and spring it before he does.”

Ben suddenly froze. He seemed to come to a conclusion at the same time as Luke because both their heads snapped to Rey.

“What?” she asked, already fearing the answer.

“You’re the trap,” said Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone actually reading this? Please let me know with a comment. :-) My insecurities are getting the best of me as I send this out into the darkness of the great Internet abyss.


	18. Chapter 18

They sat frozen in silence for several minutes as they processed the realization that Palpatine's demand for Rey to join First Order might just be another example of his duplicity. Ben sighed as his eyes met Rey’s. He looked sad and maybe a little scared -- like he was watching something he cared about be taken away from him.

“Grandfather wants you to stop me from joining.” She said it as a statement, but it was really more of a question. Ben nodded. “He wants to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do.” He nodded again. “Do you know what that is?”

Ben closed his eyes and hung his head. It was an obvious answer to the question.

“It's the lymphoma treatment I’ve been heading. I’ve been too conservative. It’s been grating on Palpatine since the beginning. He’s been pushing to go faster and administer closer to the limit, but I’ve refused. He can’t override me because the numbers are on my side, but he’s tried.”

“I’m not sure if that’s enough,” Luke interrupted. “There must be something more than a single treatment.”

“First Order has invested more money in that treatment than any other. There are so many eggs balancing in that basket it’s petrifying. I keep telling everyone that it’s not a sure thing and true confidence is years away, but they just keep pumping more into it -- more dying patients looking for hope, more trials, more treatment plans. It’s insane.”

“If he doesn’t like the way you’re running the trials, why wouldn’t he just fire you?” Rey asked. It doesn’t make much sense to go to these extremes.

“That’s not how Palpatine works,” said Luke. “He sees people as investments. He’d rather bend people to his will because that gives him more power in the end.” Luke paused. “Ben, you might as well sit down. We should have a discussion about how Palpatine works his magic.”

Ben pulled a stool to the end of the counter next to Rey, but in sight of Luke. He reached out and grabbed her hand for support or possibly out of fear; Rey wasn’t sure. Luke steadied himself like he was about to tell a story. 

“Years ago, Dr. Tarkin had attained some notoriety for the publication of a study he’d done about symbiotic bacteria. Palpatine was able to convince Dr. Tarkin to join him as a business partner, which he used as a way to meet other scientists like my father, Anakin. They had only been working together for a year or two when they brought my father into the partnership and officially created First Order. My father was still in med school, but was close to finishing just like I was, like Ben was, and now like you are, Rey.

“Palpatine looks for people that are close but haven’t completely finished their studies. This works for a couple reasons. First, he is able to play off the negative experiences of training, and when you’re close to the end of your residency, everyone has baggage he can play off. You're so tired of being told what to do. You don’t feel like you're being respected for what you know and you feel stunted by your mistakes. 

“Secondly, it creates a power dynamic within the relationship. When you feel like someone has taken a vested interest in teaching you, it creates a sense of loyalty and also reinforces the master’s control over his apprentice. The apprentice is flattered that the master saw something special in you and picked you out of everyone else. Palpatine appreciated your talents -- la, dee, da -- mumbo, jumbo -- you get the idea... 

“And finally, he pulls you out of a program under the guise of a better opportunity, whereby you forfeit all the employment opportunities that come from actually finishing the program. Good luck finding a job when you’re one year shy of finishing your residency.

“Does any of this sound familiar, Ben?”

At some point during Luke’s lecture, Ben had crossed his arms and bowed his head. He slowly nodded in response. “Check, check, and check.”

“Hey, don’t feel bad buddy,” Luke said. “I only know because I lived it myself. My dad fell for it, too.”

“If you're trying to make me feel better, you’re not.” Ben sighed. “It just makes me more pissed off.”

“What have I always told you?” Rey could immediately feel Ben’s irritation, but she also knew Luke was right. “Don’t let your emotions control you. You have to make peace with the situation in order to find a solution. In this case that means you might be fired. You might be raked over the coals and blamed for mistakes you didn’t make. Your career in medicine might be over. But, you’ll still be Ben Solo. You’ll still have me, your mom, and your dad. And, if you play your cards right, you might actually have a chance with the girl of your dreams.”

Rey felt herself blush as Ben squeezed her hand and smiled.

“Now if you can accept that and make peace with it, let’s find a solution.” Luke let out a sigh like it was an indication that his lesson was over.

“How did you get out unscathed?” asked Rey.

“Oh, I didn’t.” He laughed.

“But…” Rey waved her hand around to indicate the gorgeous beachfront property they were currently enjoying.

“I didn’t pay for this. This is part of my father’s share of your grandfather’s successful pharmaceutical business. This belongs to all of us: me, my sister, and bozo over there. Luckily, I only worked at First Order for about six months, so I didn’t really have any blood on my hands that Palpatine could use against me. It was enough to ruin my career in medicine, though.”

Ben cleared his throat. “I can accept all those consequences, but I’m afraid of what he’ll do to Rey.”

“The trap,” said Luke. “Rey, what could your grandfather do to hurt you? I know it’s terrible to think about, but what traps has he set for you.”

“I don’t know.” Rey’s mind raced through her list of horrors. “I could get cut off financially.” Although that would be an inconvenience, it wouldn’t be a problem. She’d taken on most of her expenses once she finished med school. At this point she didn’t really need help from him anyway. He’d already paid off all her undergraduate and medical school tuition. Perhaps that was a mistake on his part.

“Could he do anything to hurt your residency?” asked Luke.

“He mentioned that he knows how I’m doing at work. And he knew about a child that I misdiagnosed who ended up dying. I thought he might have spoken to Leia at some point, but maybe it’s something more.”

They went round and round as the morning turned into afternoon discussing different scenarios and possible outcomes. It started to seem like a pointless waste of energy. There were too many angles to consider, but one person kept surfacing in Rey’s mind. One person that seemed to exist in the center of all Grandfather’s plans and traps. 

Rey’s relationship with Hux was always difficult, but in many ways, it was too difficult. It was too strained and there was so much more animosity coming from his end than ever seemed appropriate. She’d always chalked it up to jealousy and Hux’s stupidity for allowing himself to be manipulated, but what if there was more to it than that? Why did Hux hate her to such a degree from the start? Why had he caused the discord between her and Ben? What was the point?

But, finding answers to those questions required her trust him, which seemed like the dumbest idea ever. She didn’t even want to bring it up. She grew up with him. He should have been like a brother, but he absolutely wasn’t. There had to be a reason. Grandfather had set traps for Hux; she’d seen them growing up, but what if there were more that she didn’t see? What if Grandfather had been pitting him against her in ways she hadn’t known? The more she thought about it, the more she wondered how Hux fit into Grandfather’s plans at First Order.

“Ben?” Rey asked after a particularly long lull in the conversation. “What exactly does Hux do at First Order?”

“Hang upside down in his secret lair,” Ben mumbled.

“No, seriously,” Rey demanded as she rolled her eyes in mild irritation.

Ben sighed. “Sales. He sells the treatment plans to patients and their doctors. He digs for referrals and follows up on the financials.”

Luke leaned over and rubbed his chin in thought. “No wonder he only trusts someone he raised for that position. Essentially, Hux is taking over Palpatine’s own job in the business. That was his role when my father worked there. Selling the genius of his underlings after twisting it to meet his own needs.”

“That’s a nice summary,” said Ben. “Palpatine’s role is the closer. He shows up to seal the deal Hux ironed out. In research, he pushes the science to meet up with the need in sales. I don’t think he trusts Hux in that capacity, probably just because Hux doesn’t really understand anything about what he’s selling.”

“Be careful making assumptions,” muttered Luke. “I never thought Palpatine knew much about the research either. He’s smart enough to find other people that are, but his experience still counts for a lot.”

Rey felt slightly rebuffed by the comment. It was almost like he was implying the Skywalkers were the brains and the Palpatines were the sellers, which could be true, but certainly not in her case.

Luke appeared to sense Rey’s unease and smiled at her. “You’ve got everything, Rey. In Palpatine’s eyes, you’ve got the medical knowledge and the Palpatine blood he trusts. Maybe he really does want you to work for him. Think of all the problems you could solve if he could get you to follow his lead.”

“No,” Ben said firmly. “You wouldn’t ever let yourself be used like that. You’re not like him at all. You’re kind and compassionate, and you’re not driven by self-interest and money. Please don’t think of yourself in that way, Rey. Please. That’s not who you are. You are so much stronger than he knows.”

Rey considered his words, but she didn’t quite believe them. She grew up in that house. There were qualities of Grandfather and Hux’s that were also hers. She also wasn’t sure about the strength Ben believed she had. Whenever she was in Grandfather’s presence, she always felt her confidence waver. He seemed to have a way to expose her deepest insecurities and make her doubt her resolve. “I think I need to talk to Hux. I need to understand Grandfather’s influence on him.”

“I don’t like that idea,” said Ben. “It would be no different than confronting Palpatine directly. It could end badly.”

“Like it or not, Ben, he is the other piece in the connection between all of us. You and I and Hux have been part of Grandfather’s plan in one way or another for a long time. We need to understand how Grandfather used him like he used us. There’s more to his story. I know it.” She thought of Mrs. Tarkin and their not-so-secret affair. She thought of her parents. There was something more to the picture, and he might have some of the answers.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Ben was looking at her like she’d just decided to go skydiving without a parachute.

“No. It needs to be me. Just me.”

Luke nodded his head silently in agreement.

  
  
  


The trip was over in a heartbeat, which in some ways was a relief. Although Luke’s estate appeared to be a perfect paradise, Rey couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable there. Luke’s demeanor had gotten more in check by the time they left, but she could completely understand Ben’s frustrations. It made her sad to think of him growing up in that house alone. It was obvious that Luke loved Ben, but it didn’t feel like the kind of love Ben had with his parents. Luke seemed to hold Ben at a distance, like Grandfather did to her. There were no loving cuddles or indulging hugs. Affection just didn’t seem like it was all that important in their relationship.

Rey felt determined that love would be the most important part of her relationship with Ben. After all, it always had been. She just had to make sure it wouldn’t change without her being aware. It made her wonder about her parents and what her life would have been like if she had stayed with them. She couldn’t help but question what happened to them and if any part of the stories she’d heard about them were true. What if Grandfather had kept her from them for purely his own reasons? Was it possible they could be out there somewhere missing her?

All these thoughts raced through her mind as she looked out the airplane window to the cities below. She wondered what problems were going on in those little houses and if those problems felt as overwhelming as the ones in her life. From such a distance, problems on the surface of the earth surely couldn’t be as bad as they seemed.

Rey suddenly remembered the conversation she had with Poe about Finn. She gently tapped Ben’s hand and he removed the earbud from his ear closest to her and turned his head in question.

“I need to tell you about what happened at work this week,” Rey began.

His brows furrowed in question, but he quickly removed his other earbud and began to put them away.

Rey figured she might as well just jump right into this. “One of the doctors I work with, Dr. Poe Dameron, is seeing someone at First Order.”

“Finn,” Ben said without hesitation. 

“Oh, do you know Poe?” Rey asked in surprise.

“Not by choice,” he muttered. 

Rey couldn’t help but smile. “Now, what exactly does that mean?”

Ben covered his eyes with a hand and groaned. “I know all about Poe from my mother. He was the son she always wanted.”

“Stop,” she sighed. “You know that’s not true.”

He gave her a disbelieving glance. “Can you honestly say my parents wouldn’t have had an easier time with someone like Poe as their son?”

“Easier?” Rey’s eyes got large. “Their lives would have absolutely been easier if Poe was their son… but he’s not. You are.” She patted his arm. “Live with that, Solo.”

He crossed his arms in front of him in defeat.

“Anyway…” She internally prepared herself to face his potential wrath. “Last week at work, Poe said that Finn was upset because you were being nice to him.” Ben’s eyes scrunched in irritation. “Poe just went on and on about how Finn was so convinced that something must be going on and that your odd behavior meant that you were going to fire him.” Ben sighed loudly, rolled his eyes, and began to fidget in his seat. He seemed to know where this conversation was going. “Then Poe was complaining about how they weren’t going to have enough money to pay their rent and how they just signed a new lease. It was ridiculous.”

“Seriously?” Ben looked and sounded annoyed. "Finn thinks that my being nice to him means that I’m going to fire him? What does he think it means when I actually threaten to fire him? Does that mean I’m going to be giving him a raise?”

Rey ignored his question and continued. “I couldn’t get him to shut up about it.” She paused. “So I told him...” She swallowed. “I might have implied to Poe that…” She cleared her throat. Ben’s eyes started to narrow at her in anticipation. “I told Poe that your good mood had nothing to do with Finn because it might actually have been slightly associated with me.”

Ben turned to face her, at least as much as his seat allowed, with a shocked expression.

“I thought we weren't talking about this…” he pointed his finger between them.

Rey smiled guiltily and shrugged. “Ben, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything, but Poe was being so idiotic about the things he was saying about you that I…” She stopped. “I made him promise not to say anything to Finn. He said that he wouldn’t.”

Ben covered his face with his hand and began chuckling. “Well, I can pretty much guarantee that Finn knows.”

“Really?” Rey felt herself get scared. “Do you think Poe told him?”

“I might have alluded to something similar myself,” Ben laughed. He shrunk a little in his seat in mock embarrassment. “I’m sorry Rey. He’s my closest colleague. He knew something was going on and trying to keep it from him felt pointless. For as much as I complain about him, I trust him more than anyone else in that place. I know he would never breathe a word about my private life to anyone. I forgot he was seeing someone at the hospital or I might have been more careful. I let it slip in the vaguest most innocent way that I might be seeing someone, but he’s smart and I’m sure he'll piece it together with whatever Poe came home with.” He chuckled. “I really would have thought we’d be better at keeping secrets.” Ben smiled as he leaned his knee against hers.

She sighed with relief. “I guess happiness can be difficult to contain.” She smiled at him with a shrug.

“Especially for someone like me.” He smiled back.


	19. Chapter 19

It was an impressive building from the outside being the tallest one on the street and looking like a wall of glass. It was obvious that there would have to be some type of secured lobby. That was going to be a problem, but she would have to make it work. Her plan had been to simply show up when he would probably be at home. Sunday morning seemed like the safest bet. Ben had been in the process of trying to find Hux’s address on the First Order server, when Rey did a quick Internet search and it came up in one click.

“He has his address listed?” Ben asked in disbelief. “Who does that these days?”

“People like Hux,” Rey couldn’t help but laugh.

Looking at the building now, it made even more sense. It appeared to be one of those luxury apartments with a fitness center, a rooftop deck, and -- was that a doorman? Really, Hux? It probably had valet parking for the underground lot and a full-time concierge service to cater to the obnoxious people that lived there. No wonder Hux practically advertised his address. His monthly rent was probably five times what Rey paid. She couldn’t help but laugh to herself. She really should have expected this of Hux.

Once she found a space to park down the road, way down the road -- in a parking garage because, of course, Hux had to live right smack in the center of the city like he was some type of young hip businessman. Did he bring girls here to impress them? Was Grandfather like this when he was younger? A sickening churn in her stomach confirmed that she believed he probably was. Hux probably considered himself a ladies’ man. She laughed to herself.

As she approached the doorman, she searched for a way to appease him.

“Miss,” said the doorman. His hand was on the door, but he clearly was not willing to open it until he was provided with some type of name.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she began. This must have been the wrong way to start. His hand dropped from the door handle and his mouth scrunched into a tight line. Maybe she should try her name. “My name is Rey Palpatine and I’ve just come from out of town to see my brother Hux. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I didn’t call him, but I know he’s home. Is there any way you could please let me in?”

“I’m not permitted to let people in without consent."

"Could you please call and ask if I can come up. Please just don’t tell him who I am.” He looked like he was getting annoyed with her. She started to panic. He was going to refuse her. “Here!” She whipped out her wallet and he began to turn away, but he turned back when he saw she was only attempting to show him her ID. “See, Rey Palpatine. I’m his sister.” He gave her a strange look. “Please.”

He sighed in resignation. “Don’t get me in trouble,” he mumbled as he opened the door. “I’ll be watching on the camera,” he added in warning.

“Of course!” She smiled having finally reaped the benefits of such a bizarrely ridiculous name. Just the same, she rushed inside before he could change his mind.

The building was even more ostentatious on the inside with a shiny marble floor and golden accents. She went straight for the elevator not wanting anymore attention. Two people behind a lobby desk were watching her. Thankfully, the elevator opened right away so she was able to hop inside before anyone could say anything. Moments later she stood in front of condo #24B. After pressing the doorbell, she heard an elaborate ringtone through the door. She straightened herself in preparation and looked over her shoulder for a camera. There it was. She fought the impulse to wave to Mr. Doorman.

After a moment, the door opened. And there was Hux, dressed in a black robe with a crest on it that made it look like he stole from a hotel.

“Rey?” He looked shocked. The color drained from his face. “Is Grandfather dead?”

“What? No, Hux. I just wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

“Please. Can I talk to you?”

He looked up and down the hall like he was afraid that someone might see him talking to her. Like anyone would care. 

“Hux?” She was starting to get annoyed and prayed he wouldn’t slam the door in her face because of it.

He reluctantly stepped aside and she entered his spacious, sterile, formally decorated, condominium. She felt herself cringe at his horrifically ugly, yet obviously expensive furnishings. So this is where pharmaceutical money comes to die. He seemed unsure of what to do. He looked between his kitchen and his living room like he couldn’t decide. She could feel his discomfort for being caught in his robe. His robe might be too informal for the living room, but being in the kitchen might be too informal for company.

“Hux,” she waited for his eyes. “Relax. It’s just me.” She went into his kitchen and eyed his coffee machine. “Can I have some?” He just stared at her. “Cups?” He seemed to snap out of his stupor and grabbed two from the cabinet and proceeded to pour them both a cup. She didn’t wait for an invitation to sit at his bar.

“Why are you here?” His expression was cold, unfriendly, serious.

“I wanted to talk to you about Grandfather and the way things have been between us.”

He continued to stare at her. His eyes moving across her body as if he was trying to find a weak spot should he need to attack.

“Why did you always hate me, Hux?”

“Why did you hate me?”

Rey decided she had to be honest if she expected him to be honest with her. “Because you hurt my feelings. You constantly said and did things to make me question myself. You knew my insecurities about my parents and you used that to hurt me.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Rey.” He rolled his eyes and folded his arms in front of his body. “You never cared about your parents. You only ever cared about Solo’s family.”

“I was dumped at Grandfather’s house and you never let me forget it. Why would you think I didn’t care about them?”

“Because you never acted like you cared. You just soaked up all the attention from Grandfather and then you went next door and did the same thing to Solo’s family. You are a parasite. You take what you want from people and then fly off to your next victim all while batting your pretty little eyes. And you weren’t dumped at Grandfather’s. He wanted you. He fought for you. He paid for you. I was the one that was dumped at that house, not you.”

“What?” Rey tried to catch up with what he was saying. “What do you mean that he wanted me?”

“Your parents were constantly coming for you. Begging him to let them see you. Saying that they wanted you back. Grandfather kept throwing money at them so they’d go away, but they kept coming back. That’s why Grandfather let you spend so much time next door because he was dealing with your obsessive parents. Surely you must have known the production they made about you. It took years before they finally gave up. I warned Solo, for years I warned him before he finally listened. You drive a wedge between everyone around you. I told him you would infect his family just as you’d infected Grandfather. Always so oblivious to the desire you create in everyone around you to love you. I was happy before you came.”

“But, Hux. You weren’t dumped with Grandfather. You’re his son.”

His eyes got large and his chin dropped. He didn’t know? How could he not know this? Suddenly she felt scared. Could she have been wrong? Rey sees people faint all the time. They always get this look on their face and the color just -- woosh-- gone. This was one of those moments. “Hux!” She reached out to grab him or at least as much of him as she could grab. She carefully helped him to the floor.

“I’m going to be sick.” His head drooped into his knees and she began to rub his back.

“Just breath. Do you want to lie back?”

He shook his head. “I feel hot,” he muttered.

Rey jumped up and grabbed the kitchen towel and soaked in under the faucet in cold water. She rolled it up and placed it behind his neck. “Look at me,” she said as she squatted in front of him.

He slowly picked up his head and then pulled the towel to wipe his face. She patted his knee.

“Just give it another minute and it’ll pass. Okay?” She could be patient. She could give him the time he needed to process the apparent bomb she just dropped in the middle of his kitchen and his identity. She sat down and leaned against the cabinets beside him. “You have really nice floors in this kitchen. Is this marble?” Her fingers ran over the cool stone. “These cabinets are nice, too. Very modern.”

He continued to wipe his face with the towel as he stared off into space.

“I’m really sorry. I thought you knew.”

Finally, he looked at her. “Are you sure?”

“I thought so. That’s what I heard, but I didn’t believe it until… Ben told me.”

“You’ve known since we were kids?” He looked offended. “You never told me?”

“No, no.” She waved her hands in defense. “I heard rumors when we were kids, but I never believed them. Ben said he figured it out after he got hired at First Order.” She paused. “Is he wrong?”

“I heard the rumors forever, but Grandfather always said that my parents didn’t want me. That I was a burden and they just didn’t want me. That they couldn’t be bothered. He always said that he was the only person left who would keep me.”

“Hux, I don’t think that’s true. I think Mrs. Tarkin is your mother. I think Grandfather took you from her. I think he used you to get her to keep his secrets.” His eyes got large as he considered her words. Tears began to form in his eyes. “Do you think it’s possible that she’s your mother?”

He slowly nodded. “Yes.” It was quiet. “That would explain so much.”

Rey reached out and placed her hand tentatively on his knee. “Grandfather has deceived both of us… from the very beginning…” 

A few hours later Hux and Rey were laughing over the open pizza box spread across what must be the most expensive coffee table Rey had ever seen. They were laughing so hard that her side hurt. Perhaps they shouldn’t have ordered extra cheese and pepperoni. The huge globs of grease she’d just consumed were probably clogging her arteries that very moment.

“Do you remember when you fired that nanny?” Rey laughed. “You were like nine. You stood there and wagged your finger. ‘You, Miss, are no longer employed in this house.’ And she was going to spank you before one of the maids stopped her.”

“Yes! And they had to drag her out.” He wiped sauce from his chin. “She kept screaming, and kicking. They had to get the valet, to come help.”

“You really were a little shit,” Rey laughed. “You probably permanently traumatized that poor woman.”

“Yeah…” He suddenly got quiet. “Grandfather always used to say that I shouldn’t let the staff tell me what to do.” He looked off deep in thought.

“But Hux, that was literally her job.” Rey was confused. “She was our nanny. She was supposed to tell us what to do.”

“I know,” he whispered. “Isn’t that messed up?” He paused. “It’s like he raised me to be a horrible person. Like that was his goal. It’s twisted.”

Rey nodded her head. “That’s really messed up. He didn’t encourage me to do things like that.” Rey considered her interactions with Grandfather. “He just wanted me to excel at everything and use that as a way to intimidate others. I just didn’t follow his lead.”

“That’s because you had more confidence than I did,” Hux sighed. “I wasn’t really good at anything except being a bully. All my confidence came at the expense of others.”

“Hux, I don’t think I ever really knew you at all.” Rey said it honestly and with conviction. There was always so much bluster and blather between them that it seemed like there wasn’t much truth in any of the interactions they’d had until that exact moment.

Rey took another bite of pizza as she considered the progress they’d made together once they’d finally spoken truthfully. Rey explained her perception of their childhood and he did the same. They began to see the many ways in which they had been pitted against both each other and the truth from the start. Grandfather had twisted their emotions with deception and half-truths. When Luke said Grandfather set traps for people, Rey hadn’t envisioned the depth and breadth of those traps or that he could set them for the very children he raised.

A few tenets emerged from which many of the lies grew. Grandfather used Hux as a pawn in his dealings with Mrs. Tarkin, which also must have created some messed-up dynamics with Dr. Tarkin. Rey’s parents probably really did struggle with some type of drug or alcohol problem, but they must have sobered up at least enough to want her back. Hux actually believed that Rey liked the Solos more than her own parents and didn’t know that she was unaware of their frequent visits to the mansion. 

“So,” Rey said after an extended silence. “There are two things we need to do before we confront Grandfather.”

“You actually want to confront him about this?” Hux looked shocked.

“You don’t? He lied to us our entire lives. Don’t you think he owes us an explanation? There must be some reason behind all this.”

“Does it really matter? He’s dying.” Hux stared her down.

She knew he was dying when she’d last seen him, but hearing it spoken aloud was still a shock. “Yes. We have to live with the consequences of his actions. We have a right to know. You need to go to Mrs. Tarkin and I need to talk to Ben’s parents. And then we will go to him together.” He looked frightened. It made sense; she was frightened, too. “You’re not alone anymore, Hux.” 

And then she did something she never, ever imagined she would do. She gave him a hug, and the biggest surprise of all was that it felt good. It was as if all these years she had witnessed a caricature of the real person she grew up with. All she had ever seen were exaggerations of each and every one of his flaws and insecurities. In the past few hours, she had finally begun to see the real person hidden underneath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your Kudos and comments. They mean so much to me. :-)


	20. Chapter 20

Rey was exhausted as she opened the door to her apartment that night -- totally emotionally drained. Beebee hissed when she stumbled inside, probably because she was annoyed that Rey had decided to finally come home. It had been a balancing act the last few weeks. Between work and Ben and this fall-out from Grandfather, Beebee was most likely prepared to pack her kitty suitcase and find a new roommate. Little did she know that plan was already in action.

True to their words, Ben and Rey hadn’t spent a night apart. For as crazy as it seemed, to even consider it actually hurt… a lot. So, they began a precarious balancing act of “yours” or “mine” that made the days bleed into each other. Going back and forth had been wearying, but the peace that came with being together was addicting in its own right. Being in his presence was more than worth the permanent dark circles under her eyes.

Rey had been gradually moving more and more of her clothes and things to Ben’s house because that was where she wanted to be. Many times she’d been so tempted to bring Beebee along, but she wanted to make sure there was time to deal with any possible fallout that might occur. Today was the day that Beebee was going to meet her brother. Or would Artie be her boyfriend? Time would tell. It was going to be a great distraction from her discussion with Hux, and it might also be a buffer while she explained to Ben everything she learned.

Rey made a few trips to the car, while Beebee watched her come and go with growing concern as all her litter box and kitty condo left without her. Finally, it was time to take one more step into her future with Ben.

“Come on Beebee. Let’s go home.”

Beebee didn’t look convinced as Rey stuffed her into her cat carrier.

  
  


Ben came out to meet her when she pulled into his driveway. He must have been watching for her. He looked anxious. All she’d told him about her meeting with Hux was that it had gone well. Seeing him now though, made her emotions come bubbling to the surface. She felt the tears starting in her eyes as he approached her car. He could read her like a book, saying nothing, but coming to collect her in his arms. He held her gently, rubbing her back and soothing her with kisses on her forehead as he rocked her against him in comfort. Ironically, this only made her cry harder. She began sobbing into him, releasing her emotions between them for him to share.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered as he continued to rock her and squeeze her tightly every few moments. He held her until the tears began to slow and her sobbing abated. Gradually, she felt like she was returning to herself. She pulled back to look at him, but his arms held her locked against him. Sadness filled his eyes, but also curiosity.

She placed her hands on his chest. “Thanks for letting me…” She frowned.

“Of course.” With his arms still keeping her tightly against him, he continued to study her face. “Are you okay?”

“I am… now.” She attempted a smile before reaching around his neck to pull him in and for a gentle kiss. He leaned back mid-kiss , lifting her from the ground in the process and making it less… gentle. She pulled away after a moment, but he continued to hold her up off the ground. “Are you sure?” he asked.

She smiled and a sigh escaped her lips. “Yes.” She actually did feel better. How nice to be able to take comfort from someone -- to just take it. To not feel like a burden or an inconvenience. And, how much nicer was it for him just to offer it for no reason at all except because he knew she needed it. This thing between them had to be unique. She’d never experienced such security in being able to trust someone to take care of her without feeling like it made their relationship unbalanced.

“Okay.” He smiled and began to kiss her neck as he slowly placed her feet back on the ground. “Now, where’s my new roommate? I had Artie clean himself up, so he’s looking sharp. And, we had a few conversations about how to treat a lady, but I can’t guarantee he was listening.”

They began to load their arms with Rey’s and Beebee’s things. Ben gently picked up the carrier and they went inside. 

  
  


Beebee hissed at Artie through the bars of her carrier and Rey’s heart sank. She hates him. What were they going to do if they hated each other? Artie wasn’t phased, though. His tail thumped from side to side as he continued to stare her down. He circled the carrier before darting off down the hall. It wasn’t for long, though. He tiptoed back a few seconds later and sniffed the carrier. Suddenly he seemed to feel playful or maybe he was teasing. He came around the front and began to bat at the bars.

“Is he making fun of her?” Rey whispered. They’d been watching discreetly from the sofa, which was becoming increasingly difficult because Ben kept kissing her neck and pulling her further into his lap. He was decidedly less concerned about the situation than Rey.

“Mmhh?” He really wasn’t paying attention at all.

“Artie. Is he making fun of her?”

Ben proceeded to lie back on the sofa, resting his head on the armrest and pulling Rey on top of him. His hands slid up under the back of her shirt and his lips trailed her clavicle. She pushed herself up from his chest, and he reluctantly let his hands slide down to her hips.

“Rey, what are you afraid of? He’s not going to hurt her.”

She felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her, and she rested her forehead on his chest in shame. “I know. I just…” His fingers crept up along her spine and under her shirt. His hands, they were so warm. Was trying to distract her or calm her? Maybe both. She picked her head up to look at him. “What if she hurts him?” It felt like she was asking more with her question.

He smiled in understanding. “Then he’ll hiss at her to let her know. And she won’t do it again.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Or if she does… then he’ll be prepared.” He smiled again and his hands worked up her back to her shoulder blades and pressed her chest into him. It felt wonderful. “Look. He’s not scared.”

She turned to see Artie peeking in the carrier and then run around it to look in from the other side. His tail twitching like he was hunting. He began to meow at Beebee and she hissed in response. Artie was unfazed. He sat down right in front of her door and began to lick his paw.

Ben began to kiss Rey’s neck, and she felt herself relax a little. “Please,” he said between kisses. “Will you put an end to his misery and open her door? And her... she’s lonely, too.” His hands tickled her sides as his thumbs slid under her breasts.

She sighed and turned her head to face him. He was smiling at her coyly. She leaned down to kiss him feeling herself get lost a little as his arms slid back around her to squeeze her against him. After a moment, he jerked his head back. “Come on, Rey.” He smiled, daring her. She sighed in resignation. “I’m so proud of you. It’s about time we brought this helicopter parent down for a landing.” He lightly smacked her butt before releasing her.

Rey got up and tiptoed to the carrier. Artie stepped back a little to make room for her, waiting patiently for her to open the door. “Okay… You two play nice.” Beebee growled from inside. Rey shot Ben a look of panic, but he smiled and nodded his head in reassurance. She slowly lifted the latch, pulled the door open a crack and stepped back to the sofa. Ben sat up, one foot on the floor and pulled Rey to sit between his legs, leaning her against his chest. His arms wrapped around her as they watched. 

Artie walked to the door, his tail up in question. Beebee hissed and Ben squeezed Rey tightly before she could react. “Just wait,” he whispered in her ear. Artie’s tail thumped back and forth as he squatted in front of the door. Another growl from inside. Rey took a deep breath and Ben chuckled a soft breath on her neck. Artie turned around and plopped himself in front of the door and began licking his paw again like he hadn’t a care in the world.

Ben’s hands began exploring Rey’s body. Again with the distractions. A few seconds passed as Artie continued to lick his foot with an air of disinterest. 

“This reminds me of you… spying on me from that damned playhouse.” He kissed behind her ear. “It took me forever to get you to come out.” Rey startled, turning to him in question. “Oh, the energy I put into trying to coax you out from the shadows.” 

Rey was confused. “You knew I was watching you?” 

"Please…" He rolled his eyes and smirked. “You watched me for days, and you weren’t exactly stealthy about it.” Then something drew his attention away from her and he smiled toward the carrier.

Beebee could be seen sniffing Artie quietly as she crouched up to the door and then darted around him. She gave Rey a look before slowly sneaking around the room in search of a hiding place. Finally, she decided to zip down the hall and into the bedroom. Artie pranced happily after her, his tail floating high in the air. 

Rey went to get up, but Ben held her tightly. “Give them a minute,” he said softly and began kissing her neck. She sighed and surrendered to his hands and his lips with a smile.

“Don’t you want me to tell you what happened with Hux?” she asked.

He brushed the hair from her face before reaching around to massage her neck. “Not right now. I think you need a break for dinner and maybe a relaxing bath.” He began to rub small circles on the back of her head with his finger tips. “Then I’m going to take you to our bed where I will listen while you tell me everything you want me to know.” He closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. “I know some of the things today must have upset you. And, I’m going to hold you and touch you and kiss you and love you while you tell me these things.” He gently leaned his head against hers. “Okay?”

She smiled. “Okay.”


	21. Chapter 21

Rey didn’t really need dinner because she and Hux had polished off an entire pizza over the course of the afternoon.

“Hux eats pizza?” Ben looked skeptical.

“That’s exactly what I thought.” She smiled.

“Was it like one of those awful cauliflower pizzas with goat cheese and olives or something?”

“No,” Rey laughed. “That’s what I expected when he suggested it, but it was a real greaseball pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni.” Ben’s eyes got large. “And when he called to order it, he just said, ‘This is Hux. I’ll have my regular.’” Her imitation Hux voice was clearly not Hux-like, but Ben laughed anyway. “Can you imagine? He’s got a regular.” She laughed.

“That’s so Hux, too.” Ben rolled his eyes. “To just call up and say his name like he’s somebody important. He’s such an arrogant asshole.”

“Right?” Rey couldn’t agree more.

Ben decided maybe a weedy salad could offset some of the grease coursing through her system. The bath he suggested also turned out to be a good idea. She’d never tried his jetted tub, but had always wanted to. It was so relaxing that when she emerged and put on his enormous robe, which he insisted she use, she actually felt really, really good.

“I told you to tell me when you were finished.” He sounded disappointed as he called through the door.

“Yeah, I just got out.”

“Do you have on the robe?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I come in?” He asked hesitatingly.

“Uh, sure?” She’d just drained the tub and was gathering her clothes when he opened the door.

“No, stop.” He took the clothes from her hands and placed them on the sink. “I'll clean up. Do you need anything else in here?” He asked, leaning over so he wasn’t so damn tall.

“I guess not.” She was confused.

“Good.” He scooped her up in his arms.

“Ben, what are you?”

“There’s a reason I wanted to help you put on the robe.” He smiled as he carried her from the bathroom and brought her to the bed that already had the covers pulled back waiting for her. He gently placed her on the side of the bed and knelt in front of her. “And be the one to take off.” He smiled and went to untie it.

“You think of everything, don’t you?” She laughed.

“Mm-hmm.” After untying it, his hands grasped the edges and he looked up at her, waiting for her assent. She nodded. He slowly pushed open the robe and brought his hands up, tickling her breasts on the way to her shoulders where he pushed the robe down her arms. “Always so beautiful,” he whispered as he pulled her body closer to him and placed a light kiss on her neck. “Now, you take off my clothes so we can get under the covers before you get cold,'' he challenged.

Rey didn’t hesitate. She quickly grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head before dropping it to the floor. She grabbed the waist of his shorts and pushed them over his hips, taking the boxer briefs with them. Then she pulled him up and into the bed with her, covering them both with the sheet, her gray blanket and a light quilt. They spent a few moments exploring each other's body before he pulled her hands to his face to kiss her palms.

“Come here,” he said as he laid back and opened his arm for her. She slid next to him, draping her arm and leg over him and he rested his arm on her back. "Would you like to tell me what happened today?”

So she did. And just like he promised, he listened carefully, absorbing every word and responding with gentle reassurances from his hands, his lips, and his body. He was right. Saying these things in the safety of his arms in their bed made it easier… less painful than it sounded in her head. The way Grandfather had treated her and Hux was still awful, but feeling the soft touch of his skin made it seem not as important to her life in this moment. That was part of her past, and it wouldn’t be part of her present or future unless she allowed it.

They held each other in silence when she had finished. His hand was trailing up and down the arm she had draped across his chest. 

“Rey.” He pulled himself out from under her, propping his head on his arm so he could look at her. “Will you do something for me?” She nodded, slightly unsure because of his tone. “Will you sit on top of me?” He blushed. “Here.” He patted himself. “Please?”

She chuckled in amusement. She could tell he was uncomfortable. She didn’t say anything, but she crawled over his body, placing her knees on either side of his waist. She laughed. He felt so good, and judging by the twisted face he was making, so did she.

He grabbed her hands and planted them on his chest. “Now look at me.” She did. He looked up at her. “How does this make you feel? Looking down at me?” He waited patiently for an answer.

“Powerful,” she said after consideration. And she did. Looking down at him beneath her. Feeling his obvious desire for her beneath her. Reveling in the thoughts of what she was doing to him just with her touch. Knowing she was capable of making him need so much more and that she was also capable of fulfilling those needs. She did, she felt powerful.

He nodded. “That’s how you make me feel.” He involuntarily drew in a sharp gasp as she rearranged herself on his lap and then cleared his throat with a blushing smile. “Now, pay attention. This is important.” He took a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes for a long moment. When they opened, he seemed to have regained his composure. “That’s how I feel when I’m with you -- powerful.” His hands ran up and down her forearm before stopping to gently rub the inside of her wrists with his thumbs. “You make me feel so powerful. Like I can love you and protect you. Keep you safe from the world and make you happy. Give you everything you’ve ever wanted or needed. You make me feel so strong.”

Rey was studying him carefully. She was watching his face as he talked. She was taking in his slight pauses as he struggled to find the right words. She noticed the way his eyes fluttered with insecurity and yet were so full of gentle emotion. She felt his chest rising and falling under her hands with each breath he took. Rey was completely captivated.

He closed his eyes for several seconds, and when he opened them they looked sad. He looked into her eyes, and it felt like he could see deep inside to parts of her she might not have ever let anyone see. She’d never felt so exposed. “Your grandfather has tried to make you feel weak and powerless, but I…” He stopped, his hands gently squeezed wrists. The serious line of his mouth seemed to be begging her to hear what he was saying -- to really listen. “I want to make you feel strong. I want you to feel so powerful that you know you can take whatever you want.”

Rey couldn’t help herself. She grinned. “You want me to dominate you?” She knew that couldn't be what he meant, but she didn’t know how else to phrase it.

“No.” His eyes twinkled with a silent laughter as he resumed rubbing her wrists. “No, you don’t really want that. You don’t want to dominate me. Just like I don’t want to dominate you.” He smiled. “What I want…” He closed his eyes tightly for a second. “What I want is for you to feel safe enough with me to know that you can take what you want. And I don’t just mean in our bed.” He smiled and she turned away in embarrassment. “Hey,” he whispered gently. “Look at me.” She returned her eyes to his and felt the flush in her face. “Rey, please don’t ever be embarrassed with me. Okay?” He let go of her wrists and patted the tops of her hands with a smile. “Okay?” He tapped her hands again.

“Okay,” she smiled bashfully. 

He ran his hands up her arms before grasping her hands. He continued, “I want you to be strong enough to demand what you want from this life we’re building together. I want you to be brave enough to say what you need from me and to trust that I will want to give you everything I have to give.” He paused. “You spend a lot of time up here.” He reached up to tap her head before brushing her hair behind her ear. “I know that you worry about asking for too much. Please don’t let yourself be afraid of that with me.” His thumb ran down her cheek. “I want you to trust yourself, your desires, and your needs. And I want you to trust me. Rey, you deserve to feel strong and powerful because you are.” His hand dropped and he sighed. “Can you possibly understand what I’m saying?” She could feel his frustration at being misunderstood.

She began to run her hands over his chest, while his eyes followed them before looking up at her. As she looked down at him, her heart began to ache. How could he do this? How could he know what to say? Or know what she needed to hear? Somehow he was able to have the answers to questions she didn’t even know she needed to ask. She was in awe of him. 

She leaned down close to him. “Ben.” His hands grasped her hips. His eyes were curious. “Ben.” She closed her eyes to take in all the sensations: the warmth of his skin, the heat of his breath, the feel of him beneath her, the beat of his heart on her finger tips, everything. She opened her eyes, and he was still watching her with bright, patient eyes. “Ben.” She smiled. “I understood... Every. Single. Word.” And, much to his amusement, she proceeded to show him late into the night exactly how well she understood each and every single one of the words he uttered.


	22. Chapter 22

A few days later, Rey tiptoed into the bedroom using the light from the hallway to guide her to Ben’s side of the bed. Beebee was sleeping soundly on her side, curled up in a tight ball. Ben was still sleeping as she sat down on the bed's edge.

“Ben,” she whispered before leaning over to kiss him behind his ear. “I’m leaving.”

He moaned into his pillow before opening his eyes. “Okay,” he sighed. His eyes fluttered shut almost immediately. “I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you, too.” She kissed him on his cheek and rubbed the back of his head. “Don’t forget we’re having dinner with your parents tonight.” He muttered something in assent and was already starting to drift back to sleep. She smiled.

Beebee lifted her head for a moment and then curled herself even tighter. Rey ran her hand over her as she continued out the door, leaving it open a crack in case Artie wanted to join them.

Artie was definitely a morning kitty, following her throughout the house as she had gotten ready and had breakfast. He was waiting for her in the kitchen, diligently cleaning his face after finishing his own breakfast. “You’re the only one who wants to wake up with me, little man,” she said as she rubbed the top of his head with a finger. He meowed in response and returned to his cleaning.

She gathered her things and went out through the garage because she had a garage to park her car in... whenever she wanted. It was a novelty that she was sure would never grow old. No scraping frost for this doctor. She almost couldn't wait for the cold, dark fall mornings just for the experience. Living at Ben’s house was wonderful. 

Beebee and Artie got along surprisingly well considering the hostility, entirely on Beebee’s behalf, of the first few hours. Artie was definitely more interested in her, but Rey had witnessed twice with her own eyes Beebee chasing Artie and encouraging him to chase her in return. Rey still had things at her apartment, but her lease wasn’t up for two more months, so she figured they had time. She really was building a future with Ben. 

There were unaddressed loose ends with her grandfather, but now that she and Hux had a new understanding of each other, she wasn’t as afraid anymore. When she left Hux’s apartment, they agreed to get together again to discuss the next steps. Hux promised to keep their conversation a secret, and, for some reason, she felt she could trust him. He said he needed some time to process everything before talking to Mrs. Tarken or Grandfather. Rey didn’t go into details about her relationship with Ben, but she made it clear that he was a trusted confidant and that she felt a need to include him in further meetings. He hesitatingly agreed after she assured him that Ben was aware of the manipulation they’d all been put through and that he too was trying to work past the challenges of his own childhood.

When Rey pulled into the parking lot, it was still dark. Early morning shifts were the worst when they required you to be at the hospital before the sun came up. There was always a strange quietness wherever she went like the world was just not ready for the day. Luckily, she saw someone in the parking lot that was sure to provide morning entertainment of some kind. Dr. Dameron was pulling a gym bag out of the trunk of his BMW a few spaces down, and Rey would have to hurry if she wanted to catch him.

“Poe!” she called when she got out of the car.

When he saw her, a wide smile spread across his face. “I thought you glow in the dark.”

“What?” Rey was confused.

“Sorry, too early? It’s too early. Finn’s always telling me to stop with the silly jokes in the A.M.”

“What?” She was still confused.

“I made a really bad pun with your name… Rey. I’m sorry. Let’s start over.” He paused. “Good morning, Dr. Palpatine.”

She smiled. “I’m sorry. I’m a little slow in the morning.”

“Not me!” His smile was almost blinding. “I love early mornings. The excitement. The opportunities. Today could be anything, Rey. What kind of day will you make it?”

Rey yawned. “Sorry, I’m just trying to make it until the caffeine kicks in.”

“Oh don’t be modest. I don’t think you’ve ever been a ‘just make it through the day’ kind of person. Especially the last few weeks. You’re really finding your beat. I know things got rough, but lately you’ve been on fire.” He held up his coffee mug to her in salute.

She turned her head away for a second to get control of the smile he’d gotten out of her. “Thanks, Poe.”

“No, seriously. What’s your secret? New sneakers?” He laughed. “Maybe a little excitement going on after work hours?” His eyebrows rose and his smile made her stomach churn. “You know Dr. Solo, excuse me, Dr. Leia Solo seems to think you’ve got a special someone making that twinkle in your eyes extra sparkly.”

“She said that?” Rey almost dropped her coffee. So much for keeping secrets. Leia must be just as good at keeping secrets as her son.

“That was her guess.” He made a face when he said the word guess. “So if you’re trying to keep your little… whatever you have going on with Mr. Furious a secret from her, I think you failed.”

“Poe, what exactly did Leia say and who did she say it to?” Rey was starting to panic. If Leia mentioned Rey’s connection to Ben to the wrong person, it’s possible that whoever was feeding information to Grandfather might also know.

“Rey, it’s okay. Someone just said that you looked happy, and Leia just made a comment about looking like that when she fell in love with her husband. That was all she said.” They walked in silence for a few seconds. “I just assumed she knew because she’s his mother, but she didn’t insinuate anything about who you might be in love with.”

“Leia’s very perceptive. I think she knew what was going on just by looking at me. I don’t want my grandfather to find out about it because he can make things hard for Ben at work.”

“Oh, hey! I get that. Finn talks all the time about how vindictive your grandfather can be. You’re his precious granddaughter. Of course he’ll be a dick about it. Have you told him anything?”

“Absolutely nothing. I don’t trust him at all in any capacity.”

“Actually,” Poe stopped walking and rubbed his forehead. He seemed to be trying to make up his mind about something. “Can I ask you something about your grandfather’s business?” Rey felt her heart skip a beat. “Were you ever considering leaving the hospital to work for him?” Rey covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s none of my business. I just asked because Finn said people were talking about it. Please, just forget I said anything at all to you today.”

“No. I have no intention of ever working at First Order. My grandfather asked that I consider it, but I would prefer to do just about anything else.” Rey started walking again and Poe followed along. She just couldn’t have that conversation right now.

“Hey, I know all about family pressure. Funny though, my family pressured me into medicine. Seems like your’s is pressuring you out.” He smiled.

Rey knew he wanted her to respond to his light-hearted attempt to make a joke out of her future professional life, but she didn’t feel like smiling, laughing, or talking anymore. She just wanted this entire conversation to be over. So much for thinking a morning stroll with Dr. Dameron would be a good way to start the day. Thankfully, the entrance was in sight and it was time to wrap things up.

“Well, I hope you have a fantastic day, Dr. Palpatine,” Poe said in a tone a little more restrained. Perhaps he could tell she was feeling overwhelmed.

“Same to you, Dr. Dameron.” Rey gave him the best smile she could. Hopefully it didn’t look as fake as it felt. She threw in a wave to try to make it more convincing.

  
  


Later that night on the way to Ben’s parents’ house, Rey decided to get a little clarity about some things that had been bothering her.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?” He shot her a quick glance.

“Poe said that you’ve been telling Finn for years that he should quit.”

“That’s because he should quit.” His comment was automatic, slipping out without thought. He hesitated as he struggled to explain himself. “Finn shouldn’t be in research, and I’ve told him so... many times… many, many times.”

That seemed harsh. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s the truth.” He was so matter of fact; it was startling. “Finn leads with his heart. He gets too close to the patients in the trials. He gets lost in the people behind the numbers.”

“But the numbers are people.” Rey couldn’t help it. She was starting to get irritated by his callousness.

“Yes, they are, but research is about identifying a treatment's effectiveness. There will be some patients that won’t get the drug or the amount they need to be effective. That’s part of the design. That’s how we can determine what will really work.” He paused. “It can be hard when you have people in front of you that you know aren't getting the benefits they could. Finn struggles with that… a lot. He should be on your end.”

It's funny how sometimes a few words can change your perspective and make you see something in a completely different light. What Ben was saying made complete sense. She never considered the challenge of administering a treatment trial or how hard it could be. There were unknowns the subjects were agreeing to when they signed up. Grandfather’s words about patients choosing to try something different rang in her ears. It was honorable to be on the front lines of discoveries that could help so many people. Honorable because of the potential sacrifice inherent in being part of a research trial. It would be painful to be caught in the middle between the patients and the experimental design. Rey remembered Rose’s glowing description of Finn being sweet and kind. That probably wouldn’t be a good job for someone with a compassionate disposition. Maybe Ben had been right to try to warn him.

“Have you ever told Finn that you don’t think he has the right temperament for research?”

“Yes. All the time.” His eyes got large. “Right before I tell him he needs to quit.”

She studied his face. He was serious. “Ben, you shouldn’t just tell people to quit.”

“Why not? I’m in a supervisory position. He needs feedback about his performance. It’s my job to give it to him.” He was so matter of fact. Rey could feel her frustration level rising. “Anyway, it’s better than threatening to fire him. Which, I have done, but only a few times.” He rubbed his chin. “Only when he really pisses me off.”

Now she really was frustrated. “Ben, do you have any idea why some people might consider you to be an asshole?” Did she push it too far? Was this when he finally turned that temper on her? 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t. Instead, he laughed… really laughed. "Some? Some people, Rey? I think it's a lot more than some." He continued to laugh. After a moment he collected himself and looked back and forth between her and the road. “Maybe because I never smile,” he beamed at her.

She made a face. “You’re literally smiling right now.”

“Yes, but that’s only because you say the most ridiculous things. When you’re around, I can’t help it.” He reached to grab her hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss.

“I’m serious,” Rey could hear the childlike whine in her voice.

“Maybe because I like to break stuff when I get mad. And I love to yell when someone does something that pisses me off.” He was proud of himself. It was infuriating.

Rey considered this for a moment, though. “I haven’t seen you do those things since we were kids.”

“Oh, I still do them. Just not around you. I like you. I don’t want to upset you.” He smiled at her and tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel while they waited at the light.

“So you just act like an idiot around people you don’t like?”

“Um. Yeah, sure. Why not?” His answer came easily, almost too easily. “Actually, you’re pretty much the only person I like, Rey. In fact, you’re probably the only person I’ve ever liked.”

Rey remembered the comments Hux used to make about him and the fact he never had any friends except her. “Why is that?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I find socializing to be exhausting and a waste of time. Most times I’d just rather not bother. That’s how I’ve always been.” He paused. “And I assume people don’t like me either, so it works for everyone.” He turned to her suddenly. “Frankly, why do you like me? You’re the odd one in this scenario.”

Rey sighed. “I guess I enjoy your drama.”

“Ah.” He smiled. “Well, I’m sure dinner with my parents will provide you with all the drama you could ever want.”

She considered how his honesty about disliking people should have been upsetting, but wasn’t. When they were little, it always felt like the two of them were different from everyone else. It was like they were seeing the world with a mutual understanding of which no one else was privy. In many ways, Rey and Ben were very similar. They rode the rest of the way to his house in silence. Rey could see the reflection of herself in the window, and she remembered what Leia supposedly said. So that’s what being in love looked like. Who would have guessed?


	23. Chapter 23

Being at Ben’s house brought emotions up to the surface that she hadn’t expected. She had secretly hoped since coming home that Leia would invite her to the house for one reason or another, but the invitation never came. It was Ben who asked for the meeting knowing there were some questions Rey was hoping they could answer about her parents. Now that she was here, she started to understand why Leia might have struggled to have her visit.

Rey has never, ever seen Leia smile as brightly as she did when Ben led Rey into the house holding her hand. Leia squeezed Rey tightly, looking like she might start to cry. Rey couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Mr. Solo, and it made her a little sad seeing the whiteness of his hair and wrinkles on his face. Mr. Solo still had his sense of humor, though. He kept trying to get Ben to stand in the hallway next to his growth marks. The tallest line was clearly off by more than a few inches.

“I’ve been dodging that wall for years,” he whispered. “I just do it to annoy them. They want it too much.” He smiled mischievously.

“Ben, be nice. It obviously means something to them,” she whispered as Han and Leia bickered about wine in the kitchen.

“Maybe we can hold it over their heads if something comes up. It’s good to have something in the arsenal ready to go,” he whispered back. He turned to speak to his parents. “While you guys fight in there, I’m taking Rey upstairs.” The squabbling in the kitchen continued.

His eyes got large as he pulled Rey up from the sofa and led her upstairs. His room seemed smaller and nothing like his room at Luke’s house. His room there looked like a guest room with a past, while this room was a step back in time. Probably no one had slept here since his last visit, whenever that was.

“Wow.” Rey could feel the smile on her face. “It’s a lot different than I remember, but still...” She spotted some toys they played with on the shelf. “Still the same.”

He picked up a plastic spaceship. “Isn’t it funny how memories can change the way you see things that are right in front of you?” He was making his way around his room touching various items while his eyes darted everywhere.

Rey caught his eye when she saw a few of her pictures still hanging on his wall and smiled. He suddenly stopped his explorations to stare at her with an unreadable expression. He cocked his head and examined her closely as he scanned her from head to foot and back up again. Sad, she decided. He looked sad. She felt her heart start to ache.

“It's you…” He said gently with an air of surprise. “All this time. It’s always been you.” He seemed like he found the answer to a question he’d long been struggling with.

“Me?” She asked. Uncertain.

“You.” He said it with confidence as he approached her, placing his hand gently on her cheek.

“Me.” It wasn’t a question anymore.

He brought his head down a few inches to come down closer to her height. His thumb rubbed her cheek as he studied her face. She wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing, but whatever it was, she really hoped he wouldn’t stop. He stepped even closer, kissing her gently at first before allowing it to turn into something different… something aching and desirous. She got lost in his lips and his body for a moment, but pulled away when she heard a loud bang come from the kitchen followed by a muffled shout from Han.

“Ben, stop.” She extracted herself from his grip and was shocked by the look of pain that pleaded from his eyes. “Your parents,” she whispered. 

He nodded his head. His shoulders rising and falling with his breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head. When they opened a moment later, he looked like himself again.

“What was that?” She reached out her hand to touch his chest. Just like she expected, he was trembling.

“I’m sorry. It's hard to explain how difficult it's been to come back here. After I left, it never felt like it did when I lived here. I’ve avoided it so many times because it made me so uncomfortable. Seeing you here amongst all my things, smiling at me the way you always did, in a way that no one else in the world ever has, I realized why it always felt so empty when I came home.” He gently took her hand. “You are so much a part of all of my memories here. It’s like you’ve always been a part of my life in this house. It’s strange, but I don’t remember much at all before you.” He studied their joined hands. “But, now you’re here and it’s like I’ve finally come home.” He smiled.

“Me, too…” she said with a light kiss on his cheek.

  
  


For all of Ben’s promises that dinner would be drama filled, it really wasn’t. They talked about the hospital for a bit, and Han went into detail about some of the improvements he’d made to the house. Rey explained that her lease was coming up soon and she wouldn’t be renewing it. That seemed to send a few ripples through the table, at least on Leia’s end. Han seemed more interested in the idea of helping them move some furniture with a truck he’d been working on. Leia had never seemed like the type to care if people lived together when they weren’t married, but for some reason, Rey got the impression she didn’t really like the idea. She didn’t say anything against it, but she made the same face when Rey missed something important on a patient’s chart. One of those “are you sure about that” looks. Rey decided she might bring it up later if she got a chance.

“So how did your visit with Luke go?” Han asked with a knowing smile.

“Oh, it was fantastic,” Ben’s eyes twinkled. “Rey told him off.”

“Really?” Han almost spilled his wine while Leia’s eyes got large.

“You should have seen it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him looking so contrite,” Ben said proudly.

Han looked at Rey with curiosity, while Leia gave her a knowing nod. Rey felt the need to explain herself.

“He was being condescending, and I didn’t like the way he talked about Ben. I’m sorry, but his attitude just rubbed me the wrong way,” Rey could feel the shock around the table shift to amusement.

“Well, good for you,” said Han lifting his wine glass to Rey before taking a drink. “He can be hard for most people to resist.”

“Try growing up with him,” huffed Leia. “Trust me, you learn to see through it.” She smiled at Rey. “I’m sure Ben loved having someone stand up for him. Luke is a great person, but sometimes he just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth.” Rey felt herself relax a little. “Was he able to be helpful at all, though?”

“He helped us put some things into perspective. It’s actually why we wanted to meet,” Ben paused. “Do you know anything about Rey’s early life or her parents? We're trying to clear up some of her grandfather’s deceptions.”

Leia’s hands stilled on her wine glass. Perhaps she wasn’t prepared for the conversation to take such a drastic turn.

“Hux and I met, and he told me some things that Grandfather never wanted me to know. Do you know anything about my parents coming back to get me after I started living there?” Rey directed the question to Leia, but it was Han that responded.

“What do you know about your parents?” he asked.

“I always believed they were struggling with some type of addiction and didn’t want me or couldn’t take care of me. I never saw them again after moving in with Grandfather, and no one ever told me that they had any interest or concern for me at all. Hux said that part of the reason you allowed me to spend so much time here was because they would make such a scene at Grandfather’s house.”

Leia took over the conversation. “That’s about what we knew. Your Grandfather didn’t think they were capable of taking care of you. There was some kind of car accident, it might have been a DUI. That brought everything to the surface, and I think the state got involved and removed you from their care. At some point, your parents believed they should get you back. I don’t know if that was supported by Child Protective Services, but they did show up looking for you. We got calls a few times to keep you here. I’m sorry, but we agreed that it would be upsetting for you to see them if they weren’t able to take you home. Your grandfather was trying to protect you, and it made sense at the time.”

“Do you think they were allowed to take me, or were they trying to steal me?”

“They never brought the police or any type of social worker, at least not that I ever heard of. We always assumed they weren’t actually allowed to take you. Otherwise, your grandfather wouldn’t have been able to stop them. He said they just showed up to get money out of him, which seemed possible. It’s also possible that he was able to get his lawyers to use the legal system in his favor.”

Rey could imagine the high-powered attorneys Grandfather had at his disposal. Most people would have a difficult time fighting Grandfather in court. As she considered this, she began to wonder about what her parents were actually like. 

“How did they seem?” She asked. “Did they act like they were impared?”

“Han actually spoke to them once, didn’t you?” Leia turned to him.

“Yes. They were out front yelling at your grandfather's house. They didn’t act like there was any type of impairment. They just looked like people whose child had been taken from them. Desperate, sad, and angry. The whole situation was so sad. You were always such a sweet little girl.” Han smiled gently at her. Suddenly his eyes got wide and he cocked his head to the side. “Actually… they gave me something for you.”

“What?” Rey felt her heart begin to pound.

“That time when I saw them outside. They begged me to give you…” He stood up from the chair and headed out of the room. The garage door slammed a few moments later.

Rey looked at Leia in question, but she shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure what he’s talking about,” she replied.

“Now, I do remember,” Leia said, “hearing about your grandmother’s death when I was young. It was soon after your father was born. Something about complications from her pregnancy and delivery. From what I remember, she was sick even before the baby, but the pregnancy was just too much for her. Your grandfather sent your father to live with her family. I think some animosity grew from your father about that, but at the time, being raised by other family members was common after a mother’s death. A single father wasn't expected to raise a child on his own, even when there was money around to hire help. I think your grandfather probably gave them all the money they needed to raise your father, but he also had very little to do with him. I know that I heard at some point that your grandfather couldn’t stand the sight of him because he looked so much like your grandmother. Some people have a hard time compartmentalizing loss, and they can lay blame in the wrong places. We see that at the hospital all the time.”

Rey nodded. That would explain why she never saw any pictures of her parents or even her father growing up. Now that she thought about it, she has never, ever heard him talk about her grandmother. She didn’t even know her name.

Leia turned abruptly to Ben. “Did you ever meet her other grandfather, Dr. Kenobi, in Tatooine?”

Ben’s face went completely white and his eyes got large. “Dr. Kenobi is her grandfather?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes, that was Palpatine’s wife’s father. Luke studied under him for a time when he went to Tattoine, trying to follow in our father’s footsteps.” She examined Ben closely. “Ben, are you okay?”

Ben was staring off into space. He looked like he was working through a complicated math problem in his head. “I’ve known Dr. Kenobi since I was probably fourteen or fifteen. He came to visit Luke a few times. He was my closest advisor at Tatooine.” He suddenly turned to Rey. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I would have told you, but I never made the connection.”

For all of Ben’s shock and pity. Rey felt excited in a way that surprised her. She’d hoped to get some information about her family, but knowing that Ben had a connection with her other grandfather was amazing. He could tell her about him. He could explain what he was like. He might actually be a kind and loving person that she could get to know. Someone that she was connected to that could possibly love her the way she always wanted to be loved.

The door to the garage opened and Han reappeared in the doorway with a plastic bag.

“I’m so sorry I never gave it to you.” He handed it to Rey. “They insisted I give it to you, and I mean insisted and begged and pleaded. It was terribly sad. Their insistence made me think it would upset you, so I just kept it. I forgot all about it.”

Rey opened the plastic shopping bag and uncovered a small brown bear. “Wicket,” she whispered as she gently ran her fingers over his soft fur and shiny black eyes. She couldn’t help herself. She instinctively pulled him under her chin in a one handed hug. 

“So you remember it?” Han asked Rey.

“Yes,” she whispered. 

Suddenly, she could feel arms around her holding her closely as a woman sang a beautiful song in her ear. She could feel a desperate hug and a voice begging, “Promise you will remember me how much I love you.”

Rey could feel her heart break with an agonizing throb. She could feel the pain of her memory. She remembered how much that woman loved her. That woman was her mother. Tears began to form in her eyes as she clutched the bear in search of comfort for a loss she hadn’t felt for years. Rey could see images of her mother, smiling and loving. Rey could feel the security that radiated from her clasp. It was overwhelming.

Ben stood up from his chair and went to hug Rey from behind. Her mind was racing and only Ben’s arms anchored her. She remembered her father. He was yelling at her mother. He was saying that -- she shook her head to stop the voices. Ben began to rub his hands on her arms, bringing her back to herself.

“Are you okay?” Ben whispered in her ear.

She nodded.

“Are you sure?”

She put the bear back into the bag and rested it at her feet. “I’m sorry. Seeing that made me remember some things I’ve forgotten.”

Ben kissed her cheek and squeezed her. “Don’t be sorry. I promise we’ll find out more about your parents. Now that we know who your grandfather is, we’ll find them if you want. I promise.” He kissed her head eliciting a slight nod as he returned to his seat.

“What about Hux,” Ben asked. “Do you know anything about how he came to live with her grandfather?” 

“Do you want to take that one, Han?” Leia challenged him smugly.

He coughed before he filled up his wine glass to the brim. Rey caught Ben’s eye and they shared a smile. Han took a deep breath and appeared to be gathering his thoughts before suddenly grabbing his wine glass and swallowing it entirely.

“Did Palpatine actually have an affair with a maid that worked here?” Ben asked.

“How did you find out about that?” Leia interjected. 

“You may not be aware, but I do happen to have two fully functioning ears and a brain that allows me to process words I hear my parents say in my presence even when it’s whispered ad infinitum. And, I can then turn those words into thoughts that I can remember and recall.” Ben made a face at his mother.

Leia relented. “She only worked here for a short time. It was only a matter of a few weeks and then she was gone. But, sometimes people do only last a few weeks. It wasn’t until later we heard that she was pregnant and that it was with Palpatine. Ceecil heard about it from somewhere. You know how much he loves gossip.”

“Was her last name Tarkin?” Rey asked.

“Tarkin? Do you mean like Dr. Tarkin?” Leia looked confused.

Ben responded, “We think she might have been Dr. Tarkin’s wife. They separated at some point. We want to know how she ended up here.”

Leia’s face scrunched in concentration. “I have a bad feeling about that. Why on earth would she have taken a job here? She shouldn’t have needed money if she’d been married to Dr. Tarkin. Was she spying on us for some reason?” She directed her question to Han.

He shrugged his shoulders. “All I remember was her bright red hair and her name was Jane. And I only remember that because of the jokes we used to make.” 

“Who hired her?” Ben asked while Leia grew quiet with a look of concern growing across her face.

“That would have been Ceecil,” said Leia slowly while she was clearly thinking of something else. “He used to advertise in the paper or would ask for help with some of the other household staff in the neighborhood.”

“Where is Ceecil?” asked Ben. “He remembers everything about everyone. He should be able to help explain some of this.”

Leia shook her head, disrupting whatever she was considering. “He went on vacation with a gentleman he met online. They’re on a cruise to Canto Bight. He’ll be back next week.”

“What?” Ben laughed as he looked between his parents. “How did you not mention this before now?”

“Ceecil’s been surprisingly tight-lipped about this,” smiled Leia. “We’re trying to be respectful.”

“I didn’t think it was possible for Ceecil to be tight-lipped about anything,” muttered Ben, obviously in shock.

“Neither did we,” said Han. “Can you imagine Ceecil in on a cruise ship? He complains about going for long drives.”

Everyone laughed, but there was an undercurrent of tension that seemed to dominate the room. The few answers and confirmations they received paled in comparison with the new questions about Rey’s memories and Mrs. Tarkin’s mysterious employment. It felt like she was working in this house for a reason that had very little to do with money and much more to do with information wanted by Palpatine. Rey’s meeting with Hux couldn’t come soon enough.


	24. Chapter 24

Rey decided to invite Hux to Ben’s place for their next meeting. At first she considered having him come to her apartment, but she wasn’t really living there. It felt deceptive to hide the level of her relationship with Ben, and she really wanted to show Hux some level of trust. Since Grandfather had been pitting them against each other for their entire lives, it felt important to attempt to bridge the gap between them. Rey also knew Hux must still be upset after learning about Grandfather’s refusal to acknowledge him as his son. That was certainly the most evil form of rejection when all Hux ever wanted was Grandfather’s approval. Opening up part of her life to him might be comforting.

Ben said that Hux had been very reserved at First Order since their last meeting. He was obviously reeling from the information he’d learned. Rey, on the other hand, felt strong after uncovering these truths about their past. From her perspective, it seemed the balance of power had shifted. She felt like she would be able to demand information from Grandfather about her parents if she had Hux’s support. She also intended to help him get the answers he needed from Grandfather. With them standing together, it didn’t seem as scary.

As for the realization about Ben knowing her other grandfather, Rey hadn’t quite been able to process that yet. He had nothing but glowing, positive comments about Dr. Kenobi, which gave her a sense of hope. Rey decided she would pursue a meeting with him once things were settled with Hux and Grandfather. Between Grandfather, Hux, the First Order employment pressures, Ben, and work, her plate was piled so high that she couldn’t add anything else to it or something would surely fall off.

Rey felt herself actually looking forward to the meeting with Hux. She acknowledged the two of them had shared the experience of growing up in Grandfather’s house under his governance. Hux would always be able to understand parts of her life in a way that no one else could -- not even Ben. Having him as a confidant was something she was grateful for, especially having never even entertained the possibility of it.

Rey couldn’t help herself; she watched out the window in anticipation of his arrival. She was excited to see how the events of the afternoon would play out. Ben was upstairs since they both decided that it might be best for Rey to meet with Hux alone to give him time to feel comfortable. Hux might feel outnumbered being on their turf. Sure enough, she watched a little red sports car crawl down the road before stopping in front of the house.

Hux stepped out of the car, and looking at his tall frame next to the microscopic car made Rey roll her eyes. It couldn’t be comfortable to drive a car that small, and yet… He stared nervously at the front of the house while fidgeting with his shirt. Rey was just about to get up to open the door when Hux started to look between their house and the house next door. What was his name? Mitchell or Mick-something? She’d seen the cute guy who'd almost run her over on his bike a few times, always either running or biking. He waved when he saw her, seemingly impressed that she kept coming and going from the house alive. Why was Hux continuing to look between the two houses with such a confused look on his face? Rey opened the door before Hux even got to it. He winced at her sudden appearance as his eyes filled with confusion.

“Hux, it’s good to see you.” She couldn’t believe that it actually was good to see him. “Is everything okay?”

He didn’t say anything, but dropped his head, came inside and closed the door behind him rather abruptly. “Do you know the man that lives next door?”

“Not really. I talked to him once and we wave if we see each other, but that’s about it.” She was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Why do you ask?”

“Does Ben know him?”

“I don’t think so. When I talked to him, he didn’t even know Ben’s name.”

Hux rubbed his chin. “Oh, I highly doubt that.”

“Why?” Rey was getting more and more uncomfortable. “Who is he?”

“I could be wrong. It’s been about three years since I’ve been to his house, and they all look similar in these neighborhoods. I forgot about being here at all until I saw the bicycle on his porch and then I remembered. I believe your neighbor is Mitaka.”

“Yes!” Rey shouted. “That’s it! Mitaka. I forgot his name.”

“So, I'm right?” Hux didn’t look happy to be right. Rey nodded. “Then you both live next door to Mitaka Tarkin.”

  
  
  


Rey called Ben down to join their conversation soon after that. How could it be possible that Ben just happened to be neighbors with the son of one of First Order’s partners?

“So you had no idea that Dr. Tarkin’s son lived next door?” Hux looked skeptical.

Ben looked equally disbelieving. “The guy with the bike? He couldn’t look anything less like Tarkin? What on earth makes you think he’s his son?”

“Because Mitaka Tarkin is Dr. Tarkin’s son.” Hux was getting angry. “If you live next to Mitaka Tarkin, then you do, in fact, live next to Dr. Tarkin’s son.”

“How do you even know Mitaka Tarkin?” Ben also seemed to be getting annoyed with Hux. This had the potential of ending very badly.

“I was here once years ago to drop off something for Mitaka from Dr. Tarkin. I made a mistake during a sales presentation about one of the test results for a treatment plan of his. As a punishment, he made me run some errands, which included bringing some strange apparatus to his son. It was a power trip on his part, and I make it a habit of trying to forget bullshit like that whenever possible.”

Ben was quiet for a moment. “I bought this house when I moved back to Alderaan. The neighborhood had just been completed. I couldn’t even tell you if he moved in before or after I did. All these houses were for sale and people were moving in at different times.”

“He told me he lived here first,” said Rey.

“You’ve talked to him?” Ben looked shocked. 

“Yea,” said Rey, feeling defensive because of the way Ben was staring at her. “It was the first time I came to see you here. He almost ran me over on my bike and stopped to see if I was okay. When he found out which house I was going to, he asked if it was safe because the guy that lived there wasn’t friendly. He said that you break stuff all the time and he hears you yelling.” Ben’s eyes got more and more inflamed as she continued. “He complained that no one in the neighborhood knew your name and that everyone thought you're mean and unfriendly.”

“Well, that sounds uncannily accurate,” muttered Hux.

“That’s what I thought.” She laughed while Ben stared at her like lasers were about to shoot out of his eyes. She cleared her throat. “He told me to scream or pound on the wall if I needed help.”

Ben’s face was stone-faced with simmering fury floating underneath that Rey hadn’t seen since they were kids. She started to get a little nervous that he might start doing all that yelling and breaking he promised he was still able to do. Hux also looked like he was apprehensive about Ben’s capability to maintain his composure. Ben turned away and his fists clenched at his side.

“Ben?” Rey was transported back to being nine years old. “Ben?” She gently reached out to touch his arm and as she went to stand in front of him, her hand slid down to lightly grab his hand. “Ben, look at me.”

He did. The anger radiating from his body made her feel slightly uncomfortable. She placed her hand softly on his chest over his heart and began to rub in circles. His eyes followed her hand back and forth across his chest. He seemed mesmerized by her movements.

"Ben, don’t be angry about what he said. He was trying to be funny. He was just jealous that I was visiting you."

He closed his eyes and nodded his head. When his eyes opened, he smiled gently at her. 

“Was there a reason you looked at houses here?” asked Hux. “Did the recruiter at First Order mention it?” Hux raised a good point. “I know we used to give a list of apartment buildings and housing complexes close to campus to transplant hires.”

“Yes. That’s right.” Ben sighed as he rubbed the side of his face. “I think this was at the top of their list. I didn’t even bother to look anywhere else.”

They stood in silence for a few moments. Rey considered how Mitaka might connect with the rest of their web of people. “Hux, did you find out anything more about Mrs. Tarkin? We're trying to figure out how she came to work at Ben’s house as a maid.”

He shook his head. “No, I haven't even wanted to accidentally run into her. I'm afraid I might look at her strangely and she'll know I figured it out.”

“So, Mrs. Tarkin was married to Dr. Tarkin and had a child before...” She shrugged gently in indication of Hux himself. This new addition to the timeline certainly added to the picture.

Hux nodded. “As far as I know. It’s been office chatter since before my time." He sighed. "From what I heard, Mrs. Tarkin had an affair and Dr. Tarkin found out about it. He made her leave the family estate without a penny and kept their child who was only a few years old -- Mitaka. The laws weren’t what they are today. Since she had an affair and everything was in his name, there was little she could do but go home to her family. Dr. Tarkin kept Mitaka as a kind of punishment, I guess. She got pregnant soon after separating from him and gave up her child.”

Rey reminded herself to be gentle with Hux because the next step had to be led by him, but it felt like the pressure to figure everything out was increasing by the day. “Hux, when do you think you’ll be ready to speak to Mrs. Tarkin?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” he whispered.

“What if we came with you? Ben and I. Or just me. Whatever you’d prefer.” She was trying to be helpful in the way she would have wanted. The upcoming conversation would be difficult. He could use some support -- some people on his side.

“Would you do that?” He looked specifically at Ben.

Ben had been able to collect himself in the past few minutes. He didn’t hesitate when Hux turned to him, his answer leaving no ambiguity. “Of course.”

“Rey, I think I would like just Ben to go with me.”

“Hux, you can do this on whatever terms are easiest for you,” Rey nodded in encouragement.

She smiled at them both. Was there truly some shift in the universe that could allow the three of them to come together for a desire as simple as learning the truth? It seemed difficult to imagine, but it was here, right now in front of them. The long trails of Grandfather’s lies were leading them somewhere, and they were only steps away from finding out what that was.


	25. Chapter 25

After Hux left, Rey and Ben sat on the sofa and stared at the wall for about ten minutes in silence. Things just didn’t seem to make sense. Was it a coincidence that Mitaka lived next door? What kind of answers could Mrs. Tarkin provide? Or would she refuse to even talk to Hux? What if they were wrong about their assumption of their relationship? Come to think of it, why did Hux want to take Ben and not Rey?

“Why do you think Hux wants you to go with him?” She knew she was sounding petty, but she couldn’t help it.

“Probably because I’m not you.” Ben said it without hesitation. Rey couldn’t help feeling offended by the comment. He seemed to realize her sudden discomfort and began to pat her thigh in a soothing manner. “Please don’t be upset. Try to consider this from his perspective. Hux has lived his entire life with his entire identity connected to only you and your grandfather. He probably just wants to make this about the relationship that he has with this woman. This is the first thing he has ever had that wasn’t dependent on either of you. I can respect that. I don’t think that he means anything against you.” Ben tapped her knee with his. “I think he just needs to take this step without you. He only asked me because he doesn’t have any real friends.” He smiled. “Not like I do either, though. Except for you, that is, lady.”

Rey leaned into him. It was going to be difficult to let them do this without her since she was going to directly feel some of the consequences of it, but she also felt a confidence in her two idiots. Even if Hux would be willing to sacrifice her, Ben wouldn’t. He would make sure Hux didn’t do or say anything that would compromise her. In some ways, it was a relief to allow this to be out of her hands. She closed her eyes and relaxed, letting her faith in Ben provide her with a reassuring comfort.

  
  


Rey was in the middle of her shift at the hospital meeting with the parents of a sweet baby that had been struggling since his birth a few days earlier. He’d been diagnosed with hypoglycemia, had responded well to treatment, and was being monitored when he suddenly had a seizure. It was heartbreaking for the parents to witness and for the delicate little baby boy to experience. After everything quieted down, Rey was just about to take a break to collect herself when she spotted Leia walking down the hall. Her appearance was both a comfort and terrifying.

“Can we talk for a minute?” she asked. Rey noticed with a jolt of concern that she didn’t wait for a response, but instead turned immediately into the conference room without looking back. A flash of panic hit her with a jolt.

Rey followed her and took a seat while Leia closed the door behind them. She nervously squeezed her hands in her lap in anticipation of whatever Leia was going to say.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you. I just saw the little boy’s chart. Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I,” she paused and rubbed her forehead. “I just spoke to the parents. It was hard.”

“I can imagine.” Leia sat in silence with Rey for a moment. “I’m sorry to change the subject, but I wanted to let you know that I’ve spoken to Ceecil about the maid. He looked through some of his paperwork and you were right. Her name is Jane Tarkin. She only worked with us for a little over a month before she quit unexpectedly. Something he did recall was her particular interest in the Skywalker archives that we have in our library. He said that he found her in that room enough times that he remembers telling her not go in there anymore. She left soon after that.”

“Really?” Rey had a sinking feeling. “What do you think she was looking for?”

“I’m not sure, but whatever it was, I doubt that she found it.” Rey was immediately comforted by Leia’s confidence. “Anything of value is kept secured in our safe deposit box at Alderaan Bank. All that we have in the library are old pictures and some of my parents’ books and personal effects.”

“She was obviously looking for something for my grandfather. Could it be about the partnership? Was he trying to cut you and Luke out of your stake in First Order?”

Leia shrugged her shoulders in question. “One other interesting thing you should know is that if my calculations are correct,” she smiled, “her departure from our employment occurred approximately six months prior to the birth of a certain red-headed baby we both know.”

Rey felt her jaw drop. “Really?”

Leia nodded with a smirk.

  
  


It was an exhausting and emotionally trying day at work, but as Rey drove home, all she could think about was how things had gone with Hux and his mother. Today was the day that he and  Ben agreed to go to her house to speak with her about her past. Hux was able to access her address through employee personal files, and a quick Internet search showed it to be a small house not far from First Order. It was actually a cute little house, so cute that it didn’t seem to go with Mrs. Tarkin’s in your face attitude.

As for Rey’s ability to face the challenges of her childhood, she had taken a step back in one respect. Ever since Han gave her Wickett, her little stuffed bear, she’d begun to have visions and memories pop into her awareness at the most unexpected moments. She was in the middle of an examination of a child’s foot when she remembered the gentle touch of man she assumed was her father removing a splinter. She recalled her entire foot being covered in kisses and tickles, which had made her laugh so hard that her pain vanished in an instant. She felt a wave of safety and security wash over her at the memory, going against everything she ever thought about her early years and her father in particular.

Another time memories she was overcome with emotion when one of her patients was prepping for surgery. The four-year-old girl was in hysterics because she’d been through this before. She wouldn’t stop trying to wiggle out of the hands trying to keep her still enough to get a line in. It wasn’t until her mother insisted they stop so she could hold her daughter tightly in her arms for a moment, rub her back, and whisper words of reassurance in her ear. Rey had to step out of the room because she felt so distraught. She didn’t know in what context or capacity, but the scene was overwhelming in a way she couldn’t explain. There was something about the way the child stopped screaming as soon as her mother picked her up and the precious girl squeezed her mother’s shirt in her tiny fingers as she nestled her tearstained face in her mother’s neck. It felt familiar in a way these common scenes in a hospital never had before. 

It was disconcerting that these thoughts kept cropping up unbidden. It made Rey apprehensive about what else might come out from the confrontation with Grandfather. There was so much for her yet to understand about her life and where she came from. She’d always spent so much time looking forward that she now felt anxious about facing what she left unknowingly behind.

  
  


When she pulled her car into the garage, she was shocked to see Ben’s space was empty. They were supposed to go see Mrs. Tarkin sometime this morning, and it was after nine in the evening. As soon as she put the car in park, she reached for her phone. She had messaged him before she left, but Ben still hadn’t responded to any of her inquiries. Still seated in the car, Rey called him on her cell phone. She couldn’t help it; she was getting worried and, honestly, a little pissed. When it went to voicemail, her heart started to beat out of her chest. What happened? What should she do? Should she just go over to Mrs. Tarkin’s house and make sure everything was okay? That seemed excessive, but really, what else was she supposed to do? She decided to see if Ben left any kind of note or message that could provide her with a few answers before she went into a full-fledged panic.

She flipped on the light when entering the kitchen and searched the counter for a note or… something. Nope! She decided to try to call Hux. Maybe he would answer his phone. Moments after pressing the call button, she heard a quiet ringtone sounding extremely similar to the theme for the villain in one of her favorite science fiction movies. She got closer to the living room and realized that Hux was fast asleep on the recliner, while Ben was snoring from the sofa where it appeared he had collapsed. They had been here all along! Shock and annoyance gave way to pure relief as she approached the sofa and bent down to Ben’s head.

“Hey?” She brushed his hair from his eyes, eliciting a slow moan. Suddenly everything became clear. Ben and Hux were completely plastered. The alcohol fumes coming from Ben’s quiet snores were enough to make her sick.

So they went to see Mrs. Tarkin and obviously had too much to drink during the encounter. They must have gotten an Uber or something and left Ben’s car at her house. There really wasn’t much she could do except prepare for the inevitable hangover they would have when they woke up in about ten hours. From the position of their bodies, they probably weren’t home long before now. Ben’s foot was propped awkwardly on the armrest of the sofa from which it would surely fall at any moment. In anticipation of the disastrous morning these two were bound to have, she found some old buckets in the garage and placed one next to each of them in hopes they would see them. She left some water bottles and aspirin on the coffee table, and wished them luck before going off to bed. She’d have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened. Bummer... 

  
  


She woke to a gentle rumble of purring in her ear as whiskers tickled her cheek. She tried to shoo him away with a gentle nudge, but he came right back to continue sniffing her face.

“Artie, can you wait just a little longer for breakfast today. We can sleep in.” She rolled over and her arm stretched out onto Ben’s half of the bed. Even in her drowsy state, she realized she missed him. He should be right here. She sighed and opened her eyes to see Artie sitting next to Ben’s pillow staring at her like he was confused as to how she got here in his house.

The sun was peeking through the window, and a quick glance at the clock revealed that she had slept in much later than she thought. She let her mind spin around for a final moment before willing her feet to slowly emerge from the warmth of the bed and step out into the cold, harsh world. After a quick stop in the bathroom, it was time to check on the boys.

Her predictions were correct; no wonder she did so well in med school. At some point, Ben must have either fallen off the sofa or just given up on it because he was laying on the floor using Hux’s coat as a pillow. Hux was still sleeping on the recliner, but he had somehow found a way to sleep on his stomach. It looked extremely uncomfortable. The buckets were untouched, so that was a bonus. The bottle of pain reliever was laying on its side, making it look like someone had taken some, in addition to three drained water bottles.

Rey sat down on the floor next to Ben and started to rub his back. After a few seconds, a low groan escaped from him, and he gradually began twisting around on the floor. “Why don’t you go to bed? You’ll be more comfortable.” More groaning. “Ben.” She resumed rubbing his back and whispered in his ear, “Benji? Can you hear me?”

“Hmm?” He finally seemed to be coming around. His eyes fluttered a moment before they focused on her. “What happened?”

“From the looks of it, you had quite a day with Hux and Mrs. Tarkin.”

He moaned and closed his eyes again.

“Jesus, Ben. Exactly how much did you have to drink?” Rey was starting to get annoyed.

He moaned again and mumbled something into his arm. Hux started to stir on the recliner, and it looked like the chair might tip backwards, but he was able to shift his weight at the last moment. Soon they were both groaning and muttering incoherently. Rey was starting to feel like she was at work. She decided to take a shower before attempting to deal with either one of them.

When she returned, they were both at least sitting up, but they still looked like death. She didn’t even bother trying to talk to them until she made some coffee. Ben stumbled into the kitchen while she was waiting for it to finish. He came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her, leaning over to rest his chin in the crook of her neck.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Did you take Tylenol?” She didn’t like the tone of her voice. It sounded more annoyed than she actually felt.

“Uh-huh.”

“Coffee?”

She felt his head nod against her. “I might need the whole pot.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” She turned to give him a proper hug. Dark circles accented his eyes that were slightly squinting in an attempt to keep out the morning sunlight. He mirrored her frown. “I’m sorry you found us like this. It was…” He paused, looking lost for words. “Hard for him and for her. Alcohol seemed like a necessary evil. And, it was hard to watch, so I couldn't help myself either. I’m sorry. I don’t do this.”

Rey felt herself smiling at him in spite of herself. “I know. You like control too much.” She did. She knew he wasn’t the type to drink to such excess. Everything about his personality and behavior said as much. He was too much like her. Did they grow up to be so similar because they were so close when they were younger? Had they somehow imprinted these qualities on each other? “Did it go okay?” she asked apprehensively.

“I think so, but it’s not really for me to say.” He rested his chin on her head. “I guess we’ll find out once he’s had a chance to sober up.” He was quiet for a moment. “Please know that this has nothing to do with you.” His voice was firm and it made her involuntarily freeze. “But, your grandfather has certainly spread his evil in a lot of places.”

She sighed. It was true. “I know.” She felt the tears form in her eyes. His hands began to rub her back and shoulders, and she felt herself begin to release some of the tension. “I love you.” That was it. There was nothing else to say.

“You know that I love you, too. Right, boss?” She knew he was grinning, and it made her smile.

“Mm-hmm.” She rubbed her forehead against his chest, allowing him to rock her in his arms until the coffee finished brewing.


	26. Chapter 26

Hux settled himself next to her at the kitchen table and began to pour a grotesque amount of cream in his coffee. He hadn’t said anything more than morning pleasantries, but Rey didn’t feel like starting the conversation. Either he would tell her now, or he wouldn’t. She’d find out from Ben if need be, but she hoped to be able hear it from him. She went to brew another pot; based on his melancholy face, it looked like it might be necessary.

“Grandfather is even more manipulative than we thought,” said Hux dismissively.

“How so?” Rey breathed a silent sigh of relief. She wouldn’t have to work it out of him.

“She was hired as a secretary at First Order soon after graduating high school. She eventually worked specifically for Grandfather, but obviously became acquainted with Dr. Tarkin who was in his late forties at the time. They were married by the time she was twenty, and Mitaka was born early in their second year of marriage. She said she knew almost from the start that things weren’t going to work with Dr. Tarkin. She went to see Grandfather for some advice about getting a divorce soon after their third anniversary, and…”

“Eww…” Ray hid her eyes in her hands. “Please don’t tell me…”

Hux sighed. “Yes. She had an affair and by the time Dr. Tarkin found out about it, she was already pregnant...” He hesitated. “With me.” His words lingered in the air for her to process before continuing. “She was stuck. Dr. Tarkin earned all the money, she had obviously committed adultery being that she was pregnant with another man’s baby, and she found herself completely alone. Of course Grandfather refused to marry her, and she knew she couldn’t afford to raise me on her own. Grandfather convinced her to give me to him and he promised her a well-paying job.”

Rey was disgusted. “Grandfather had her completely trapped.”

“Didn’t he, though?” Hux shook his head in disbelief. “She said that as the years have passed, she now believes that Grandfather had an affair and ultimately a child with her as a way to manipulate Dr. Tarkin -- some type of twisted power trip.” He shook his head again.

“Ugh.” Rey was starting to feel sick. No wonder they had to drink so much last night. She could probably use one right now. “So, he gave her a job and offered to raise her child, for what? How could she actually go through with that?”

Hux hung his head. He was quiet.

Ben interjected to explain for him. “Your grandfather convinced her it was better for Hux. She was married and had an affair. It didn’t look good from the outside. He promised to raise Hux in a way that would give him a better life than she could offer. Basically, he used her love for him against her.”

“That’s so awful,” Rey whispered. “Did she seem sincere? I mean was she happy that you knew?”

Hux got up from the table and walked into the living room to sit on the sofa. He leaned over and covered his face with his hands.

Ben nodded his head. “She was very sweet. I’ve never seen her so happy and… I guess relieved that the truth is finally out.” He grabbed Rey’s hand. “It was hard for her, but she thought what she was doing was the best for him.”

Rey began to consider telling Ben and Hux what Leia had said about Mrs. Tarkin, but she wasn’t sure how to bring it up without being insensitive. On the other hand, she felt it was wrong to keep it from Hux like she didn’t trust sharing the information. She decided she had to say it and hope Hux would understand her intentions if she explained it carefully.

She spoke loudly so he could hear from the other room. “I talked to Leia and she checked with Ceecil about Mrs. Tarkin’s employment as a maid. Leia believes she was pregnant at that time. Ceecil also recalled reprimanding her for spending too much time looking around the library and she quit soon after that. Do you think it’s possible Grandfather forced her to get a job there as a way to get some kind of information about your family?” 

Ben went to stand between Rey and Hux. “She didn’t mention anything about working at my house, did she?”

“No.” Hux still had his head in his hands. He slowly looked up. “What would she have wanted to find?”

“Leia said she probably didn’t find anything of value because all the important Skywalker files are under lock and key. Grandfather had to be behind that. Why else would she have even gotten a job there? He just never stops.”

Ben stepped closer to Hux. “It’s got to be about the original partnership. Could there be some type of loophole he can exploit?”

Hux shrugged. “If there was, it probably would have been exposed by now. He would have kept digging until he found it.”

“That’s a good point,” Rey agreed. She got up and sat in a chair across from Hux. “Can we maybe not talk about this anymore. Are you guys hungry? Maybe we can do better than coffee. Do you want to go out for breakfast?”

Hux nodded.

  
  


Their entire breakfast consisted of conversation as unrelated to Grandfather and his destruction as possible. It seemed to float silently between them anyway, though. Seconds would pass with an awkward lingering word that indicated everyone was still processing the events of the previous day. It was nice to pretend, but was ultimately a fruitless endeavor.

At one point, Hux appeared to have had enough. “So what is our next step?” He looked straight at Rey and waited for a response.

“Are we ready to go right to him?” Rey hedged. “I think we should ask Mrs. Tarkin about working at Ben’s house first. And, what about Mitaka? He probably has some strong opinions about this entire situation.”

“Can we trust him?” Hux countered.

“I don’t know. Maybe once we’re ready to face Grandfather, we can check with him. At that point it won’t really matter anymore, right?” Rey was prepared to accept any response from Hux. Part of her was just ready to finish this and face the consequences.

“I think I might want to visit Mrs. Tarkin again on my own, but I promise I’ll tell you if I decide I want to meet with Mitaka.” Hux was at least attempting to include her in his decisions.

“I appreciate that Hux.” She gave him a genuine smile. It actually felt good -- this strange new friendship they were embarking upon. She smiled at Ben as well. It was nice to not be alone anymore. She considered how Hux must be struggling with the knowledge that he now had a half-brother. She suddenly felt a pang of jealousy that made her shake her head in disgust. Was she jealous that Hux had a brother he could grow to care about, or, more surprisingly, was she jealous that Mitaka now had some type of claim of Hux as his brother? She couldn’t decide which scenario made her more uncomfortable. Rey watched as he continued to eat his pancakes and mused about the drastic changes in her life.

  
  


The next morning, Rey was finishing an overnight shift and was on her way to the parking lot when her phone vibrated in her back pocket. Ben texted to tell her that Mrs. Tarkin had created a huge scene at First Order that caused the entire complex to gossip about it like a cafeteria fight in a high school. Someone said that she punched Grandfather in the face. Someone else said she burst into tears and quit on the spot. Different stories were passed around, but everyone was convinced the version they heard was the truth.

Rey started to feel dizzy and had to stop walking for a moment to catch her breath. Perhaps this was the beginning of the final confrontation that was inevitably going to be happening with Grandfather. She closed her eyes and rubbed her face in her hands when she heard someone approach her from behind.

“Oh, no.” Rose examined Rey with concern. “Something bad?”

Even though she was upset, it was wonderful to see Rose. Rey only got to see her in passing since she rotated to the PICU. “It’s just… I’m sorry. It’s hard to explain. Can I just say family drama?”

“Oh, I know all about that,” Rose smiled. “I have an older sister that outshines me in just about every way possible, and she’s such a great person that it makes it impossible for me to hate her. Well, most of the time, anyway.”

Rey looked at Rose’s bright smile and teasing eyes and realized how much she missed the banter she always had with Rose, Kaydel, and Poe. It seemed like ages ago that they were all together. Maybe even a lifetime ago.

“Hey, I’ve got some news.” Rose’s eyes twinkled. “Poe is now officially engaged.” Her smile somehow got even wider.

“Really?” Rey couldn’t help but smile to herself as she considered the possibility of Ben being told about this by Finn. She decided with certainty that he probably didn’t. “That’s fantastic. Tell him congratulations for me.”

“Tell him yourself. We’re going out tonight to celebrate. It’s nothing big, just a few drinks at Mos Isley. You should come. I’m sure Poe would love to see you.” She tilted her head in question and smiled suggestively. “Interested?”

“Actually, that could be really fun.” Rey felt a bit of excitement at the thought of seeing her friends and finally meeting Finn -- the only other person in the world that Ben didn’t seem to actively dislike. Could she bring Ben? Should she ask? Would that be bad? Heck with it. “Could I maybe bring someone?” The question left her mouth before she fully considered the consequences.

Rose gave her a mischievous smile. “Absolutely.” Again with the smile. “Tonight around seven?”

Rey nodded, but Rose’s smile made her nervous. This could end badly, couldn’t it?

  
  


“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Ben’s eyebrows crinkled. He looked like he just ate something sour.

“Really?” Rey felt a wave of disappointment. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t think. At the moment, I thought it sounded fun.” She frowned.

“It’s not that I don’t want to meet your friends… Well, actually it is that I don’t want to meet your friends. No offense. I don’t really want to meet anyone’s friends, and we already established that I don’t have any friends.” He said this without any inhibitions; it was so classically Ben Solo that she couldn’t help but smile. “It’s just that I don’t think Finn would appreciate his least favorite supervisor crashing his engagement celebration.”

That certainly seemed possible. Rey continued to pet Beebee who claimed her lap.

Ben came over to squat in front of her. “Aren't we trying to keep this from your grandfather?” He began to pet Beebee as well.

Rey had been thinking about this the past few weeks. She’d been living with Ben for a few months now and so many factors had shifted. Hux had become someone she felt she could trust. Some of Grandfather’s power over her had diminished as she learned more and more of his secrets. Should she allow herself to live in fear of this man that had tried to control her entire life? Maybe it was time to start doing things that she wanted for herself… and for Ben.

“I don’t think I want to keep you a secret anymore.” She scratched Beebee behind her ear provoking an especially loud purr. “I’m not as afraid anymore.” She looked up at Ben as he watched her closely, trying to decipher her meaning.

“Ah,” he nodded with a smile. “Okay then.” He tapped her knees with his hands. “In that case, I suppose I can allow myself to be your trophy for the evening.”

She smiled back at him. “Well, thank you.” She watched his hands slide along her hips, disturbing Beebee’s claim over Rey’s lap. “If you make Finn uncomfortable, we can quietly duck out the back.”

“Oh, I can guarantee I’ll make him uncomfortable. Just wait; you’ll see.” He came in to kiss her cheek.


	27. Chapter 27

Rey was dressed up and feeling good--really, really good. So good in fact that she decided to wear those shoes that were excruciatingly uncomfortable, but also super cute. She was going to a bar she hadn’t been to since she moved back because she, obviously, never had reason or motivation to go until tonight. And she also happened to be going with a super hot guy that looked especially striking in his dress-up clothes. How could she not be in a good mood? 

When they pulled into the parking lot, she saw Kaydel heading inside with someone that looked remarkably like Dr. Wexley, but it couldn’t be, could it? Maybe she wasn’t the only one with a secret. She smiled to herself.

Ben turned to her after shutting off the engine with a look of insecurity. “Are you sure? There’s no going back after this.”

“Positive.” Rey smiled reassuringly. “I’m tired of keeping this secret. We deserve to be happy and live our own lives.”

He tapped the steering wheel and flashed her a smile. “Okay, boss.”

  
  


It was still pretty slow at Mos Isley when they walked in the door. Even though this was a popular spot, being relatively early on a Wednesday night, it was an off time. Rey could hear Poe’s laughter the moment they entered and immediately spotted him at a table off to the side. He was sitting next to a very smiley man she assumed must be Finn.

One face she wasn’t expecting was Dr. Solo, and Rey felt herself begin to panic on Ben’s behalf. She shot him a glance and watched as he scanned the crowd before his eyes grew wider and he immediately turned to Rey. They shared a moment of mutual shock before Ben shrugged his shoulders.

“At least there’s someone else I know.” He gave her a half smile and she felt her heart begin to slow.

“Okay, then.” She smiled, grabbed his hand, took a deep breath, and dove in headfirst.

Rose was the first to see her. A smile spread across her face until she noticed who was following behind. Her brows furrowed and then an even larger smile spread across her face. Kaydel, on the other hand, stared at Ben until the light of recognition made her eyes sparkle and she turned to Dr. Solo in confusion. Dr. Solo cocked her head to the side before letting out a visible sigh of relief. She stood up from her seat and came over to them.

“Rey,” she smiled warmly. She went to stand in front of Ben and then pulled him down for a hug. “Benjamin, it’s so nice of you to come.” She turned to Rey conspiratorially whispering, “How’d you do it?”

Rey grabbed his hand again and went to stand close at his side. She decided to dismiss the question completely. “We just wanted to stop by and say congratulations.” She turned to Poe and waved. “Congratulations!” 

Poe’s beaming smile dimmed, while Finn’s smile wiped clean from his face and he whispered into Poe’s ear. They muttered some quiet words between them, but thankfully Leia decided to take the heat and introduce Ben herself.

“I’m not sure if everyone knows, but this is my son, Ben.” Leia said it with a slight flourish, which just seemed to make everyone eye Ben more skeptically. Rey pressed herself closer to his side, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

“Congratulations, Finn,” Ben said to what was now a completely silent table. Finn eyed him skeptically as Poe looked back and forth between them. “You must be Poe. It’s nice to meet you.” He waved his hand, but Poe didn’t respond. He just stared at Ben skeptically. “I think I’ll go get us some drinks,” Ben whispered to Rey, his lips coming remarkably close to her ear in a way that the entire table seemed to take notice of. Rey could see everyone's body stiffen in discomfort.

As he walked away, Leia came to the rescue again. “Oh, everyone, don’t mind him. He’s a good boy when Rey’s around. You’ll see. She’s always been my Ben whisperer.” She smiled and raised a glass in Rey’s direction.

Everyone’s eyes shifted to her and she shrugged her shoulders. “Uh, we’ve been dating for a few months.” She smiled uncomfortably searching for someone to smile back. Long faces all around -- maybe this was a mistake after all.

Dr. Wexley unknowingly interrupted the staredown by placing a platter full of chicken wings on the table in front of Poe. “Dig in guys,” he said with a smile.

By the time Ben returned, conversations had restarted much to Rey’s relief. Ben sat next to her and placed his hand on her knee under the table. Leia was seated next to him, and they listened as Poe explained his expectations for the wedding that they planned to have this spring. Ben and Rey both listened quietly, nodding and smiling at the appropriate times, but it was getting harder to ignore the cool frost that seemed to float across the table from Finn’s direction. 

At one point, Finn got up to go to the bar and Ben squeezed Rey’s hand before following behind. Rey and Poe both watched silently as Rose and Leia discussed the upcoming road construction in front of the hospital and the potential traffic issues it was sure to cause. Finn placed an order with the bartender, while Ben went and stood next to him. Finn began talking and gesturing with his hands as he talked. Ben stood quietly, arms crossed in front of him, listening silently and occasionally nodding his head in agreement. Once Finn appeared to have finished talking, he began to tap his fingers impatiently on the bar. As Ben spoke, Finn started to tap a little more aggressively. Finally, Ben said something that made Finn laugh a loud unrestrained laugh. Rey looked at Poe who was looking at her, and they shared a moment of silent relief. Ben put his arm around Finn’s shoulder and said something else that made Finn smile. The bartender placed a glass in front of Finn a moment later, and they turned back to the table both seeming to realize they had captured the attention of half the table. They spoke between each other as they headed back, passing a smile between them.

Ben returned to his seat and immediately rested his forearm on the back of Rey’s chair. His eyes twinkled at her as she angled herself toward him and placed a hand on his knee. They sat back and watched as the world continued to spin before them with the knowledge that they’d taken another small step together of the many yet to come.

  
  


“So what exactly did you say to Finn?” Rey waited until the car door closed, which was precisely as long as she could possibly have waited to ask.

“When?” He looked at her and even in the dim light from the street, she could see his innocent smile.

“Ben, come on.” She grabbed the keys from his hand before he could start the car. “Please.”

“I just told him he was right to be annoyed that I came and that I only wanted to wish him well because he deserved to be happy. I told him that I’m sorry that I’m so hard on him at work, but it’s only because he’s got such a strong desire to do what’s right for other people.” He paused. “I also said that I stand by my assessment that he should quit because research is not the right place for a person like him, but I could never fire him because he does his job too well. I might have said something else about respecting him or some other garbage in that respect.”

She returned the keys to his hand and reached up to pull his head toward her. “I love you,” she whispered as she gently kissed his lips.

“I know,” he smiled as he flicked the tip of her nose with his thumb. “Now let’s get you home, missy. It’s past your bedtime.”


	28. Chapter 28

It was bound to happen. Part of Rey was surprised that it had taken as long as it did. When she saw the incoming call on her cell phone from First Order Pharmaceuticals, her heart began to race. Should she take it? Should she ignore it? Should she throw her phone out the window and just get a new phone and a new number? It continued to ring as she felt her stomach swirl. In a moment of absolute insanity, she gently slid her finger across the phone to answer.

“Hello?”

“Rey.” It was Grandfather himself. Holy hell! Maybe Mrs. Tarkin really did quit. She was in such shock that she didn’t know how to respond. “Rey, it’s your grandfather.” His voice filled with impatience.

“Hello, Grandfather. How are you?” Was that too banal?

“I’m not doing well, but that is neither here nor there.” He paused a moment and Rey swallowed. “I still want you to come back home, Rey. I’m getting tired waiting. I was going to speak to Solo about it, but I decided I would discuss this with you first.”

Was that a threat? “What exactly were you going to say to Ben?” Her voice sounded weak. She sounded like she was getting scolded.

“I know his feelings for you and your feelings for him. He can convince you this is the right decision for everyone, including Hux. I just need to apply a little pressure if need be, but I assume you would rather do this under your own volition.”

“And this isn’t you pressuring me just like you would pressure Ben?”

He laughed, long and loud. “No, of course not. You are my own flesh and blood. Solo is not; therefore, his best interests are of no importance to me at all. I can destroy him without a thought if I choose and his world will come crashing down around him with only his connection to you to blame.” He paused for dramatic effect. “I assume you wouldn’t want that, so I’ll leave my ultimatum with you alone. You have one month to accept this. In six weeks we’re beginning our next phase of trials of which you will be a part… you and Dr. Solo. I expect to hear from you soon.” He didn’t wait for a response or rebuttal. He hung up, and Rey sat staring into space with the phone still nestled against her ear.

  
  
  


“Ben, he threatened you. Don’t you understand? He’s going to destroy you.”

He continued to pick at the leftover Chinese he found in the refrigerator. “No, shit.” He shrugged. “That’s what he does.” His fork stabbed a particularly large piece of broccoli. “Join me or die, blah dee blah, blow you out of the sky…” He shoved the broccoli into his mouth and waved the fork like he was swatting flies. “Typical Palpatine blather,” he said after a few bites.

“But, I’m worried.” His lack of concern made her even more frantic. “What can we do?”

“I’ll speak to Hux.” His eyes got large and he smiled as he uncovered a piece of chicken hidden deep within the rice. “See what he thinks.” He popped the chicken into his mouth. “Don’t worry. He’s getting lazy, sloppy, and more impulsive in his schemes since he’s gotten sick. I don’t think he’s capable of any of the planet shattering destruction of his younger years.”

“Then you just don’t understand Grandfather at all,” Rey moped. She buried her face in her arms folded on the table in front of her.

“Awww…” Ben put down the take-out container and pulled Rey up for a hug. His arms squeezed her tightly as he planted a kiss on her forehead. “Where’s my fierce little grandfather fighter, and what have you done with her?” His arms rubbed her back. “I can have Hux come talk to you if you’d like. Please don’t worry, okay?” He gave another tight squeeze of reassurance.

She sighed into his chest. “Okay.”

  
  


They met Hux for coffee a few mornings later and Rey explained the phone call in detail as he listened intently. Rey felt a wave of comfort that he seemed to take this seriously -- at least more than Ben had.

“Grandfather is running out of time. Whatever he has, it’s really taking its toll. He’s so thin and frail. It’s upsetting to say the least.” He stirred his Earl Grey tea and studied it like it had answers floating in there somewhere. He sighed and shook his head. “I spoke a few times to Mrs. Tarkin… my mother, I guess I should say.”

Rey felt the smile spread across her face. “That’s wonderful Hux. Are you establishing a real relationship?”

He nodded, still focused on his tea.

“I’m so happy for you. I’ve been thinking about trying to find my parents, but I just…” Her words died away.

Hux immediately looked up at her. “You should.” He said it firmly. “It would be good for you. And for them, I’m sure.”

Rey nodded.

“Anyway, she mentioned why she got a job working at your house all those years ago.” His eyes skipped to Ben’s. “Grandfather wanted to get his hands on some type of diary that your grandfather kept. She didn’t know why, but he wanted it desperately. He encouraged her to take up the scheme in exchange for money for an apartment since she’d separated from Tarkin at that point.”

“Well, that’s pretty much what we expected.” Rey traced the edge of the table with her thumbnail. “What an asshole,” she muttered quietly. “Did she say if she ever found the diary she was looking for?”

Hux shook his head. “She said she couldn’t find it and she quit before Ceecil could fire her for snooping.” He finally took a sip of the tea. “Ben, you’ve got to talk to your parents about that. We’ve got to find your grandfather’s diary and figure out what he was trying to get his hands on.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he stared off into space. “We should talk to them right away," he whispered deep in thought. "That sounds like something really important.”

Hux reassured Rey that he was still attuned to Grandfather’s actions at First Order and if anything seemed to be going amiss he would let them know. Mrs. Tarkin had actually quit her job soon after her first conversation with Hux. She was finally getting some control over her own life, and leaving her job so suddenly was liberating. However, Grandfather’s loss of her was devastating. He’d depended on her for so long, and he was struggling without her. Hux said that days would go by without him leaving the safety of his office at all. The only indication that he was even there was the occasional slamming sound of his phone. His tenacious grip on the company was finally starting to loosen, but Rey didn’t doubt that he still had fight left in him.

  
  


On their way home from the coffee date with Hux, Ben changed his mind and insisted that they instead go and look for this mysterious diary at his parents’ house right away. It was curious that Palpatine had made Mrs. Tarkin go to such great lengths to look for a diary, and it certainly created more questions.

“Should you call first?” Rey questioned. This was her boss’s house after all.

“I’m their son, Rey.” He looked at her disbelieving. “Trust me they’ll love me stopping by without warning. I’m sure my mother wakes up every morning wondering if today is the day her lazy, self-interested son will finally come over without the traditional arm twisting.” He smiled.

“Okay…” She sighed with a slight apprehension. 

“I really hope we get a chance to talk to Ceecil. I can't wait to find out about that cruise.” He gave her a glance with a huge grin as they waited at the streetlight.

“Hey, be nice! Promise me you won’t be too pushy.” Rey poked his side gently. “You heard your mother. He might be shy about this.”

“Shy, Rey?” He laughed. “Shy? This is Ceecil. This is the same person that would announce to the entire world when I had a nightmare and wet the bed.”

“He did not!”

“Oh, yes he did.” Ben gave her an offended look. “In fact, I clearly remember him telling you on more than one occasion much to my complete mortification. It’s a trauma that I’m still recovering from. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to the memory of Ceecil asking if he needs to change my sheets. It’s a horrible way to live, Rey. Horrible!”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh at his dramatics. “Ben, I don’t think you ever wet your bed.” 

He shot her a quick look and smiled. “I appreciate your faith in my bladder control abilities, but let me assure you that what you are witnessing today came at the expense of several years worth of soiled linens.” His face was completely serious.

Rey laughed. “How do so many people find you intimidating? You are the funniest person I know.” She watched his face closely, completely bewildered by almost everything about him.

“Should I yell more? Usually that does it.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Will you promise me you’ll be nice to Ceecil?”

“Sure thing!” He yelled it loud enough to make her jump. She sighed and looked out the window the rest of the way to his house.


	29. Chapter 29

Ben was right; his parents were thrilled at the surprise visit. Ceecil was especially overjoyed to see both Ben and Rey. At one point he had to excuse himself because he became so flustered. Leia chuckled at his excitement, but it was obvious that her amusement was based on her love for him. Han kept patting Ben on the back as they whisked them inside to the kitchen and tried to offer them everything imaginable: breakfast, lunch, a snack, some fruit, coffee (of course, how did we forget to offer that?). It was actually very nice that their mere presence had such an effect. Rey couldn’t help but beam at all of them.

“So, we just spoke with Hux.” Ben interrupted Ceecil’s rambling about coffee selections. Everyone except Ceecil stopped what they were doing and waited for him to continue. “He said that Mrs. Tarkin was looking for some type of diary that your dad kept. Palpatine put her up to getting a job here just so she could look around for it. Do you remember a diary?” He focused his question to Leia, but it was Ceecil that responded.

“Oh, yes, Master Anakin always had his personal journal with him.” Ceecil didn’t seem to notice the shocked look on everyone’s face. “He took it everywhere he went. He would always say that his journal was his way to process the world around him. He was very meticulous with it, replacing the pages every so often, but he kept the same leather cover. I believe it was a gift from one of his favorite professors at Tatooine.”

“Do we have his journals here somewhere?” Han asked.

“Yes. They would be in the library, but it would be locked in the cabinet.” He began to shuffle down the hall on the way to the library still muttering to himself. Rey and Ben looked at each other with a glimmer of hope. Perhaps this would be easier than they thought. They hurried after him.

Ceecil was opening a cabinet with a key from an enormous key ring. Somehow he knew exactly which key to use. The cabinet opened to reveal a stack of boxes with dates. There were five boxes that appeared to be filled to the brim with packets of paper bundled together and covered with a beautiful script. 

“Where do we start?” Rey asked. It was overwhelming. Would they have to read everything? How would that help if they didn’t know what they were looking for anyway?

Leia examined the dates on the boxes. “We should probably start at the end or maybe around the time that my mother died.”

“I’m sorry, but can I ask how she died?” Rey felt uncomfortably forward, but it would be necessary to know if she was reviewing his personal diaries.

“I’m not sure exactly. I was almost ten when it happened. It was all very sudden. She hadn’t been sick at all and then she collapsed one day and died soon after. I think it must have been some kind of stroke.”

“It wasn’t a stroke,” Ceecil said without looking up from the box in front of him. “Her death had to do with the babies. At least that’s what the doctor said at the time.”

Ceecil was oblivious to the shockwaves he just sent around the room. Everyone’s eyes darted from one to another in confusion.

“Ceecil?” Ben waited for Ceecil to stop fidgeting with the box and look at him. “What babies?”

“Your grandmother was pregnant when she died. That strange doctor from the lab said it was something about the incompatibility of the treatments for the twins that caused her death.”

“My mother was pregnant… with another set of twins?” 

"Two sets of twins in the same family? What are the odds of that?" Han wondered aloud.

"Surprisingly, some families are more statistically likely than others based on…" Ceecil suddenly stopped after noticing a glare from Han.

"Ceecil?" Leia asked, but she was starting to look annoyed. "What did the doctor from the lab say?"

“Oh, I’m not sure I ever understood anything that man said,” Ceecil muttered.

“What man?” Now Ben was getting annoyed.

“That man from the lab. The one that always came with Mr. Palpatine.”

“Tarkin.” Rey and Ben said it at the same time.

What kind of treatment could Dr. Tarkin have been involved in administering to Leia’s mother? The answer was obviously something that resulted in her death. “What was your father’s cause of death?”

“Suicide,” she said quietly. “At least that’s what we were told.”

Ceecil began to frantically clean the spot in the closet where a collection of dust had gathered. He didn’t have anything surprising to add to that comment, whatever that meant.

A new urgency filled the room as everyone grabbed a box and began to look through to see what could be found. They recorded key dates and set about assigning someone to read the journals from around those dates. 

Han soon interrupted the quiet skimming. “How is it possible that two doctors working at the same firm lost a wife in childbirth within a few years of each other?”

Ceecil began rambling. “If you are looking at mortality rates of mothers, there are several other factors one should consider. For example, in addition to socioeconomic data, one should look at the proximity to--”

Han waved his arm to stop him. “Nevermind.”

They found the entries around the date of Leia’s mother’s death. The passages were mostly scientific notations, but they did include various narrative snippets about Anakin’s personal life as well. He included a picture drawn by Luke on one page that included a spaceship. He also made a comment in one entry that he was worried about Leia’s lingering cough and described it a few days later as being much improved. 

There was a note tucked inside from Anakin’s wife, Padme, that made reference to “the upcoming growth of our family” and lavishly praised him for his fathering skills. She seemed to be happy in her marriage and made several comments about her dreams coming true with him. She mentioned the excitement of having another set of twins and the shock of such a blessing after they’d “tried for so long to have more children.” It was very sweet and Rey had to wipe a few tears from her eyes after reading it. How tragic they both passed when they were so young.

The entries after her death were a direct window into Anakin’s emotions. He was both angry and extremely bereft. He continually mentioned the sadness of both Luke and Leia and his feelings of responsibility. He discussed the possibility of sending the children to live with Padme’s family because he believed he was unable to devote as much time to the children as he should. He also made continual references to the pressures placed upon him by Palpatine to make sense of the recent developments of his work with the midi-chlorian study, whatever that was.

About two months after Padme’s death, he stopped writing in the journal for about three weeks. When he started writing again, his tone was very much altered. He kept referring to “the error” of which he described as ultimately his responsibility because he’d permitted it. His entries became very sporadic and nothing like the clarity he demonstrated in his earlier entries. His scientific entries were hard to decipher, so much so that he even appeared to have trouble. Quite a few entries were crossed out, while others had question marks along entire columns.

His final entry made a reference to some conclusion he had made. “I have finally confirmed the error in our calculations. It was a mistake, but that does not ease my broken heart. I feel the weight of th with every breath, and I fear I may not be able to carry this burden much longer. I cannot look into the beautiful eyes of my wife that live in our children without my heart breaking. I believe it may be time to abandon the midi-chlorian study completely. It was unethical and irresponsible. I’m unsure how I enabled my hubris to cloud my judgement and endanger my most precious blessings.”

After reading the entry, Rey reached out to grab Ben’s hand. She brought it to her cheek where she cradled it gently. Anakin’s grief was overwhelming, and it certainly appeared to be the words of someone whose next steps could have been suicide. It still left several questions about what kind of treatment Padme had been receiving and whether or not she was even aware of her participation in their experiments.

“Do you think Grandfather wanted these diaries because it implicated him in the death of your grandmother?” The answer seemed obvious, but Ben didn’t bother to respond. He seemed driven to continue searching frantically for more information. 

Rey suddenly felt completely bewildered by everything she’d read. What had happened was devastating, and she felt a new understanding for Leia. Rey remembered Leia’s comments about Ben being like his grandfather. At the time, she had interpreted her attitude as dismissive because she would leave the room like she couldn't be bothered to deal with Ben during one of his fits. Now she began to realize that seeing such behaviors could have been especially difficult because she knew that her father’s emotions had resulted in his own death. Perhaps she struggled seeing Ben acting in a way so similar because she both mourned for her father and feared for her son.

Rey took a seat in the chaise lounge chair in the library and began to rub her forehead in an attempt to stall the oncoming headache. Would there ever be an end to the suffering that grew from Grandfather’s web of destruction? Was he capable of encouraging an experiment that endangered the lives of the wife and unborn children of one of his closest colleagues? She knew as soon as the question formed in her mind that it was absolutely possible. If he was determined, Grandfather would let nothing stand in his way.

Rey pondered how all the pieces might fit together, but at some point, she fell asleep. She startled herself awake, not sure if she’d been asleep for only a few moments or a few hours. It was dark outside and the room was lit only by the light of a single lamp on a desk in the middle of the room. Rey could hear the sound of pages turning, and she knew that Ben must be sitting on the floor just out of her sight. There was no sign of Han or Leia, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.

“Ben?” She rolled herself out of the chair and crawled around the desk to find him sitting between stacks of journals that he appeared to have arranged in some sort of order. She was careful not to disturb them as she maneuvered herself around the piles. He continued to turn the pages, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Ben?”

He finally seemed to be aware of her presence, and his eyes came up from the journal to land on her. He looked tired and sad like the little boy from her past. He had that look in his eyes -- from all those times after a tantrum when he’d realized the extent of the destruction his anger had caused. Defeat. That’s what it was, and for the first time, Rey began to get really scared.

“What is it? What did you find?” The fear of the unknown was always one of Rey’s greatest fears. It’s funny how some people like Poe look at the unknown as possibilities; Rey always looked at the unknown as potential traps set to pull her from the security she attempted to create for herself. She thought of Luke and his rambling lecture about acceptance. She acknowledged she also had an inability to simply accept, especially when Ben was looking at her like that.

He shook his head and dropped his hands and the journal he was holding into his lap. “They were trying to study something they referred to as midi-chlorians. It’s some kind of symbiotic organism that lives inside our cells. They seemed to believe they could manipulate it to actually create life. Their ultimate goal was to create monozygotic twins” He paused. “I think they killed my grandmother.” His eyes finally met hers.

“Identical twins?” Her mind began to race. “They wanted to create twins by influencing a fertilized egg to split? How is that possible?”

“I don’t know. It’s something with these midi-chlorians.” He nodded and began to run his fingers down the pages in front of him. “I think my mother knows.” He looked to the small stack of journals next to him. “She was reading one of these and just…” He shrugged.

Of course Leia would already be so many steps ahead. If there were clues to be found, she most certainly would have found them. She could have been a very successful detective with her ability to glean so much from so little; it also made her a great doctor.

Rey nodded at him, unsure of what else there was to say. She watched as Ben resumed his reading. It was obvious he wasn’t going to be able to pull himself away anytime soon. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was after eleven. She needed to get some sleep before an early shift tomorrow morning. She fidgeted with the laces of one of her shoes.

“You can go.” Ben didn’t look up as he said it. She hadn’t needed to say anything; he just knew she was worried about the time. Always so perceptive of everything about her, this Ben Solo. “I’ll get my dad to take me home in the morning.”

“Are you…” Rey hesitated. She didn’t like the idea of him going through this alone. “Are you sure?”

He finally looked up. “Yes.” His tone was final, absolute.

She nodded her head in silent acceptance.


	30. Chapter 30

Rey knew that her life had always been a mess of contradictions. She grew up with every desire that could be bought with money easily fulfilled. Her grandfather had provided for every single need except the most affordable -- love. She was blessed to never have to worry about the high price of her education, but that came at a cost. She endured her grandfather’s mind games since she was young, never getting any respite. She always knew that he could pull on the invisible strings that bound her to him at any time. She could almost believe that he had released the power he had over her, but then gentle tugs and slight pressures would remind her.

It seemed innocent enough, a simple envelope amongst the pieces of junk mail that was forwarded to her new life with Ben. She happened upon it while having a midnight snack after returning home. It was only a bill that was overdue -- something anyone with her bank account would scoff at. No problem at all. She’d pay it, update her payment method, and it would be taken care of. If Grandfather decided she should pay this bill herself, it was of no real importance. She’d been expecting this, but the emotional impact was there just the same. He was frustrated with her… and disappointed, and this was sure to be only the first tug of the ever tightening noose around her neck.

She decided immediately to go through all her expenses and disconnect herself from him before he could do this again. The thought was liberating, but also... not. If she deprived him of the opportunity to punish her financially, what other method would he select? That was where the real fear began -- the terrifying potential of the truly unknown. Hux. She needed to see Hux. He would know what to do and could help her anticipate Grandfather’s next mode of attack. Rey marveled at the thought of Hux providing any sort of comfort.

As she laid in bed, she realized the futility of coming home to go to bed without Ben. All she could think of was him turning the pages of the journals deep in thought and completely alone. She should be with him as he faced the demons of his own family’s past just as he was there so many times for her. Her desire to prioritize her job prevented her from placing Ben where he belonged in her life. She realized in that exact moment that all of this -- Grandfather, First Order, her illustrious medical career -- was just noise making it difficult to hear what was truly important.

Rey recalled when she went to Ben’s house after meeting with Hux and how she’d fallen apart as soon as she saw him because she knew she could. His mere presence allowed her to let go of her emotions because she knew he would be able to carry some of the weight of her pain. She realized that he taught her how to help him in this moment, and she wouldn’t let him down. She jumped out of bed and pulled on the closest pair of shorts and hoodie. Some of their clothes and personal items for the night and for the following day were hastily tossed into a bag. Rey made him a quick sandwich, grabbed a couple snacks and a few of those horrible imported beers that she couldn’t stand, and threw everything into a cooler. Finally, she snatched the gray blanket from her chair, a piece of home as a final comfort. 

Rey raced out to the car and dumped everything in the passenger seat next to her. Before turning on the car, she frantically tried to remember the protocol for calling out of work. With shaking fingers, she began the series of emails and logins required to make everything official -- she wasn’t going to work today. Being with Ben was more important, and she would embrace that desire rather than get lost in the endless noisy distractions.

The emotions coursing through her fingers as she clutched the steering wheel were exhilarating. She’d found a new true north. All other parts of her life would arrange themselves based on the decisions she made with Ben. He was probably always the most important part of her life, but she now realized that everything else would have to fit within the confines of what was best for her and him and both of them together. She was flooded with a sense of relief and acceptance. Maybe Luke really was right about acceptance -- crazy hippy psychology.

When she reached her old street, she allowed the car to slowly drift past Grandfather’s house. Not surprisingly, she saw light coming from a pair of windows on the second floor. Didn’t that man ever sleep? Could he sense the turmoil that was being sent in waves amidst so many pieces of his lifelong chess match? Was he starting to feel the pressure mounting? Rey huffed at the thought. Grandfather was amazingly perceptive of the people around him, but he was also incredibly arrogant. His belief in the power of his control would surely prevent him from seeing the impending attack.

Rey parked in the spot she vacated only a few hours earlier. She found the garage door still open, probably due to the distraction created earlier in the evening. Thankfully, she was able to let herself into the house without disrupting whatever calm had descended upon the house. She pressed the switch to close the garage door behind her once she was inside. Rey made her way to the library, and sure enough, the single light was still on.

Facing away from her, Ben was sitting in the midst of an ever expanding organizational system of piles. He had arranged the contents of the boxes throughout the room and began to create stacks on the desk as well. He must not have heard her arrival, so she took a moment to study him. With set shoulders and precise movements, his body spoke of purpose and a strength of resolve. He wasn’t afraid or lost anymore; this Ben Solo was resolute in his intent to uncover the truth. Rey could see that he was preparing himself for the upcoming encounter with Grandfather, the one she and Hux would be part of. Now the stakes had risen for him as well. For some reason, the knowledge that the three of them would all stand against Grandfather together was both calming and invigorating.

His body paused for a moment and then he raised his head almost in question. “Rey?” His head tilted to the side. “You’re back?”

“Yes.”

He let out a long sigh and slowly turned to face her. His eyes were soft and he looked away. When they refocused on her only a second later, they were filled with such pain.

“Ben.” She tiptoed into the room, careful not to disturb the piles he had created. She smiled at him as she approached and reached down for him to take her hand. He gently touched the tips of her fingers with his own before grasping tightly. He examined her hand as he held it, turning in back and forth. He then brought her fingers to his lips for a soft kiss. He pulled himself up on his knees and pressed his forehead against her stomach and wrapped his arms around her. She gently ran her fingers through his hair. For a few moments he held her body tightly against him.

“Ben,” she whispered gently. Her fingers traced along his ears. “Can you come to bed with me? We can finish this tomorrow.” She resumed combing through his hair in what she hoped was a soothing way.

“What about work?”

She continued to massage his head. “No. I’m not going to work tomorrow, and neither are you.” Her hands went to his neck. “Can you please stop for the night?”

His arms squeezed her even tighter. “Thank you.” 

Her hands dropped to his shoulders and began to rub his back. “Can you get up?” She wanted to be gentle; he should be allowed to decide when and if he was ready. He squeezed her even tighter for a moment before releasing her and to stand up. Once he was up, she gave herself a moment to hug him properly. He felt so warm and it was such an absolute relief to be held like this. It was like the antidote to the pain she’d had earlier in bed without him. She smiled to herself in the knowledge that her personal realization had been an accurate one.

Rey pulled his head down enough to encourage him to bend over for a kiss. He smiled before closing his eyes and gently brushing his lips against hers.

“Come on,” she whispered as she took his hand and began to lead him carefully out of the room. In the hall, his eyes fell on the items she left behind. She handed him the cooler and the blanket to carry and tossed the bag over her shoulder. He said nothing but followed her quietly up the stairs to his old bedroom. She placed the backpack on his bed and shut the door behind them. 

Rey began to remove the decorative pillows that were on his futon. She imagined Leia buying it in hopes that Ben would have friends over and it could be extra seating for video gaming and a spot for sleepovers. She couldn’t help but smile to herself at the thought that it probably had never been used. While she went about unfolding futon, Ben sat quietly on his bed with his head in his hands.

Rey squatted in front of him and placed her hands on his knees. “Ben?” She paused waiting for his eyes. When they finally connected with hers, they quickly fluttered shut. “Ben, will you eat something?” She opened the cooler and pulled out a sandwich and bag of grapes. “It’s your favorite…” She grinned up at him. “Roast beef with horseradish.” 

He gave her a slight smile as he took it from her hands. “Oh, that does sound good.” He began to unwrap it. “Thank you.” He leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek before taking a bite.

“And…” she dug out a beer from the cooler and held it up for him. 

His eyes grew large as she opened it for him. He took it from her hand and had a long drink. “Thank you. Do you want any?” He wagged it in her face with a smile.

“No, I ate when I got home.” She placed her hand on his knee. “I’m sorry I left. It was…” Stupid. Selfish. Hurtful. “I just didn’t think…” About you. The thought hurt and she couldn’t put voice to it. “Ben?” She tapped his knee and waited for him to give her his attention. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.” She was asking for forgiveness -- begging for it in fact.

He placed the sandwich next to him and leaned down to sit the beer on the floor. His hands went to her sides and pulled her up on top of him as he leaned back on the bed. She rested her head on his chest as his arms slid around her back and squeezed her against him. She felt a tear run down the side of her face only to be absorbed in the soft cotton of his shirt. Her heart was breaking in disappointment in herself, and she felt another tear quickly join the first. His hand reached up to push her hair from her face and he softly kissed her forehead.

“Shh…” he whispered. “I know this is different… sharing a life. We’re allowed to have a learning curve.” His hands rubbed soothing circles on her back.

“Why are you comforting me?” Her voice was petulant. “I came here to comfort you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” He kissed her forehead again. “You are.” She looked up to see his face and he smiled back.

“I love you.” 

“Don’t worry about that either. I know.” He grinned and he squeezed her tightly against him for a moment. “Now get off me so I can enjoy the exquisite meal my lady made for me.” He smacked her butt before helping her back to her feet. “And don’t knock over my beer. I definitely need that.” He grinned as he picked it up and then took another long sip.

She sat down on the bed next to him and rested her cheek on his shoulder as she put her arm around him. He stuck his sandwich in her face in offering, and she shook her head against his shoulder. They sat quietly for a few minutes before Rey got up to finish preparing the futon. “Will you even fit on this?”

“I’m sure mom bought the extra long if there was such a thing.” He shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to make it work.”

Rey smiled. Of course they would. She began to prepare with the awkward lump of a mattress with sheets and she threw some pillows from his bed on top. She went to the bathroom before taking off her hoodie and crawling under the gray blanket. She rested her head on the pillow as she watched him finish his dinner. “I put some stuff for you in the bag if you want.”

“Thanks, Rey.” He wiped his mouth, rolled up his napkin, and tossed it into the trashcan by his desk. “This was all very nice of you.” He grabbed some clothes and his toothbrush from the bag and tapped her nose with his thumb before leaving to go to the bathroom. When he returned a few minutes later, she was already starting to doze off. He flipped off the light switch and joined her in their makeshift bed. Rey couldn’t help the sigh that escaped from her lips when she was able to settle herself against him.

“Do you want to tell me about what you found?” She promised herself she would be attentive and awake if he wanted to talk.

He slowly began to reveal his discoveries as she ran her hand over his chest in a way she hoped would be reassuring. His hand rested on her hip, and he occasionally squeezed her as he talked. He explained how his grandfather believed the midi-chlorian treatment would be safe, but he also admitted that he hadn’t revealed to his wife what they had done. They had tried unsuccessfully to have more children for years. Tarkin and Anakin had developed a primitive form of in vitro fertilization, but they had incorporated midi-chlorians as a way to hopefully create identical twins. Padme wasn’t aware of that part of the treatment. Apparently the first three months of the pregnancy had seemed to be a complete success, but then her body unexpectedly just seemed to shut down without a discernible cause. Anakin began to spiral into a depression that led to a manic state of dissociation. His death seemed to be foreshadowed in his journal entries during weeks leading up to it.

“I just don’t trust your grandfather, Rey.” Ben whispered. “He seemed to have gone to great lengths to get these journals. I’m sure he was smart enough to keep his hands clean so all the blame would be placed on them.” He was quiet for a few moments. “My grandfather’s depression feels almost too perfect. He became a loose cannon after the death of my grandmother. He was dangerous to everything they’d built. Do you think it’s possible they did something to push him over the edge?”

“I wouldn’t say that anything is impossible when it comes to Grandfather. And the death of your grandfather certainly would have been in my grandfather’s best interest. Nothing good that happens to Grandfather is ever completely up to chance.” 

They laid quietly for a few minutes digesting everything. “We’ll have to talk to my mother about all this tomorrow… and maybe Luke.”

Rey couldn’t stop the immediate groan she made.

“Maybe we can have you make that phone call.”

Rey didn’t have to see him to know that he was smiling at his own joke. She wasn’t going to play that game, so she switched topics. “Ben, can you believe we’re here right now?”

He put his arms around her and pulled her closer. “It’s a blessing. I don’t know if I could handle this without you.”

“What do you think would have happened to us if we hadn’t been separated as children?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I can tell you one thing. You probably would have lost your virginity in that bed right there.”

“Ben!” She laughed. “Do you really think that?”

“Oh, absolutely.” He chuckled. “There isn't any doubt in my mind.” His hands moved up and down her body. “Actually, it’s probably good they sent me away. Otherwise, you most likely would have been pregnant by the time you were sixteen.”

“Ben!” Rey pulled herself from his arms. “That wouldn’t have happened.”

“Are you sure, Rey?” Even though she couldn’t see him, she knew he was making a face at her. “I think you underestimate just how much I was in love with you… and what an absolute nightmare of hormones I was as a teenager. You wouldn’t have stood a chance against me.”

“You wouldn’t have forced me to do anything I didn’t want to.” Rey was certain. “I know you wouldn’t.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” She felt relief at his acknowledgement. “But, I could also be very persuasive and insistent when I wanted something. And, I would have really, really wanted you.”

Rey didn’t know if she should be flattered or offended. She considered her sexual past for a moment. Suddenly a stab of pain pierced her heart. “You should have been my first. It would have meant so much more if it was with you.” The words escaped her unbidden. The implications of the statement flooded her with a wave of embarrassment. Had she admitted too much?

Ben gently took her hand and placed it over his heart. He smoothed his hands over hers, rubbing slowly. “I’m so sorry it didn’t happen that way.” He paused. “I would have tried so hard to be gentle and patient with you, but I’m not sure how successful I would have been. I was so in love with you that it would have been difficult to control myself.”

“How can you be sure you would have been so in love with me?” It seemed hard to imagine what they would have been like together as teenagers. 

“Rey. There's never been a time I haven't been in love with you. Do you remember that time you were with that asshole that I almost beat up?”

Rey froze. She very clearly remembered. That moment of crying in his arms had a habit of coming to the forefront of her memory from time to time ever since it happened. She mumbled in assent, not sure if she could even talk about that moment.

“God, the feelings you awoke in me.” He sighed. “I wanted so desperately to beat the shit out of that punk, pick you up, and run away with you. The way you were crying… it broke my heart. I almost wasn’t able to let you go.”

Under the protection of darkness, Rey allowed herself to admit the truth. “Touching you that night made my entire body come alive. I’d never felt like that before, and I’ve never been attracted to anyone the way I’ve been attracted to you since that exact moment.” There. She said it. And it was the absolute truth.

Ben’s hand stopped rubbing her back and rested on her hip. Lying like this felt so comfortable, even on an old futon. They laid in silence for a few moments.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Rey said.

“Hmm?”

“I would have lost my virginity in that bed.” She giggled. “But you would have, too.”

Ben laughed. “Of course.”

“You haven't always been in love with me,” Rey said firmly. “Remember the time in Grandfather’s office when I first came home? I thought you were going to light me on fire with your eyes.”

“You thought I was mad at you?”

“You were mad at me,” Rey stated.

“No. I wasn't mad. I was completely heartbroken. Seeing you just sitting in his office like it was nothing felt like the most excruciating slap in the face.” She didn’t know what to say to this. Ben continued, “I was in shock. You haunted every part of my life for fifteen years and then magically -- bam! -- you just appeared before me. I don’t think my brain was even fully functioning. Knowing that you’d come home and everyone seemed to know about it but me was more than I could process. I couldn’t believe that the one person in the world who I missed so much that I physically ached for hadn’t even bothered to let me know she was coming back. I mean I was working for your grandfather. I was so desperate to get back into your life.”

“Is that why you got a job at First Order?” It didn’t seem possible, but then again, maybe it was the only reason that made any sense at all.

“That was one of the reasons. Probably the biggest one if I were being honest with myself.” He paused. “I thought if I made things right with Hux and your grandfather, maybe I could find you again.”

Rey considered the absolute tragic situation they were placed in and what a gift it was they found their way back to each other. Yet again, she promised herself that she wouldn’t let life tear them apart. This was where she was supposed to be and she wouldn’t allow anything to change that. She began to kiss and feel his body, treasuring each touch for the gift that it was.

“Are you trying to defile me in my bedroom right down the hall from my parents?” he asked teasingly.

“No.” She kissed him. “I’m not going to defile you.” Another kiss. “I’m going to worship you as you deserve with all the love I have to give.”

“Ah.” He leaned up slightly so she could take off his shirt he put on only moments before. “I suppose I can allow that.” His hands slipped under her shirt and tried to pull her closer. “In fact, you could probably even convince me to help you.”

Rey slowly began to remove all the layers that separated him from her and placed soft kisses on the skin she uncovered. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” Her lips worked their way up his chest. “Thanks for the offer, though.”


	31. Chapter 31

The bright morning sunlight brought the first spark of Rey’s awareness. She slowly opened her eyes and was met with the sight of a beautifully sunny day. The futon was right in front of the window, and Rey could see a blue sky without a trace of clouds. Her hand wandered next to the empty space beside her and a feeling of sadness clenched her heart. Was he so upset about his discoveries that he’d gotten up without her?

She allowed herself a moment to fully wake up before forcing herself out of bed. She tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever the day could bring, but she also acknowledged that there were some things one could never fully prepare for. Eventually, she made her way downstairs and headed for the kitchen. Sure enough, that was where everyone had gathered.

“Rey?” Leia looked at Rey with shock. A feeling of dread dropped into her stomach like a weight. “You’re here?”

Rey knew that what she was really commenting on was the fact that she wasn’t at work. “Yes. I took the day off. I wanted to be with Ben.” She felt like she was two inches tall.

“Mom,” Ben interrupted. “She went home but came back because she wanted to be here for me.” His eyes narrowed at Leia. “I thought that was very kind of her to put me first.” He walked over to Rey, slid his arm around her back, and kissed her cheek.

“Good morning,” he whispered quietly in her ear and then turned to smile proudly at his mother.

His reassurances didn’t help her feel any less uncomfortable. She glanced at Leia in fear, prepared for a disappointed glare or even a reprimand about her lack of professionalism, but what she saw instead was a complete surprise. Leia looked… impressed? She did. She was practically beaming at Rey.

“Rey,” Leia said her name with a sigh. “Come give me a hug.” She opened her arms, and in spite of her shock, Rey felt her feet propel her forward. Leia gave her a big squeeze before releasing her and grabbing her hands. “The hardest part of being a doctor -- well, probably any job, really -- is learning when to step back for yourself and your family. I hope you’ll do better than I did. You’re off to a better start at least.” She smiled again.

Rey felt off kilter. Being praised by her boss when she should have been reprimanded was disorienting. She immediately went to sit next to Ben and leaned into him. She felt like she needed his touch to feel grounded. He rested his elbow on her chair and began to rub and squeeze her shoulder.

“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, clearly in a tone meant only for her.

Rey nodded her head. “I was worried about you when I woke up.”

“I’m sorry. You were sleeping so soundly,” his eyes smiled at her. “I just couldn’t wake you.” His fingers traced along her back. “Would you like some breakfast?” His hand settled on her hip and pulled her slightly toward him. 

“Oh, yes,” Ceecil interrupted. “Miss Rey is there anything you would like for me to make? I am quite well versed in my culinary skills. Perhaps some pancakes or fruit like Master Ben?”

Rey waved her hand in front of her face. “No, please. Don’t bother. I…” Unless things had changed, Rey clearly remembered Ceecil being very unversed in the culinary arts. If Ceecil made pancakes, they were sure to have been as hard as the plate he served them on. “I’m fine.” Leia and Ben both quickly looked at her and then away with the ghost of a smile on their faces.

“Of course,” Ceecil nodded and shuffled off down the hall.

“Ceecil!” Ben yelled. “Don’t touch anything in the library. I was organizing. It might not look like it, but I was.”

Rey could hear Ceecil muttering to himself as he changed direction. She couldn’t help but smile at his apparent predictability.

“So, I guess you came to the same conclusion that I did?” Leia asked. Her tone indicated a shift in the conversation. She looked between Ben and Rey for confirmation.

“Yes,” said Ben. “It was a pretty awful conclusion to come to, but I think we’re all on the same page.”

“What exactly do you think Grandfather was trying achieve by encouraging Mrs. Tarkin to work here?” Rey questioned. “I mean, it’s not like she could have stolen all of the diaries. If Grandfather knew how much he wrote in his diary, wouldn’t he know there would be boxes and boxes to go through?”

“Maybe just the location,” suggested Ben. “Or maybe that was just the first step. Maybe if she found them, he would have told her what dates to look for specifically.”

“He may also have just wanted to know if they were still floating around in general,” added Leia.

All of those reasons sounded plausible, which didn’t help to narrow the possibilities of his intentions. However, it did feel like they were finally starting to narrow in on the nefarious actions existing at the foundation of First Order Pharmaceuticals.

“Ben, I didn’t get to tell you,” Rey said. “I got a letter in the mail yesterday for a late bill. Grandfather must be trying to pressure me into action or at least remind me of his intentions.”

Leia rolled her eyes. “You should be paying your own bills anyway, Rey. Don’t we pay you enough?” She smiled jokingly.

“No, it’s not that I can’t pay them.” Rey felt the need to defend herself. “It’s just a few expenses that I’ve never bothered to change and Grandfather has never questioned. I was going to do it years ago, but it felt wrong to do it without talking to him about it, and I’ve avoided doing that as much as possible.”

“No, I get it,” smiled Leia. “I think I only stopped paying that one’s phone bill a few years ago.” She pointed accusingly at Ben.

“We were on the family plan, Mom!” Ben looked offended. “I offered to pay you several times, but you always refused.”

“I’m sorry,” Leia laughed. “I’m just teasing.”

“You should talk to Luke about what we’ve found out,” Ben said to Leia. “He may have some additional insight.”

“I am,” said Leia. “I was going to do that later this morning. It’s really early in Naboo at this hour.”

“I think it might be the perfect time to call,” Rey muttered.

Ben laughed. “Oh, so you want to be the one to make the call, Rey?” He looked at her with a smirk.

Rey held up her hands in defeat and grabbed a piece of cantaloupe from Ben’s plate. “Nevermind. Sorry. Just ignore me,” she mumbled with her mouth full.

“I will call him.” Leia looked off into space. “I think I want to talk to him about a few things myself. All this is bringing up memories of when my father died. It was such a long time ago; it’s hard to make sense of some things.”

Everyone sat in silence, quietly pondering the machinations Grandfather wove so delicately around all of them. But, with that sadness of the recent realizations, there also existed a faint brightness of anticipation that promised to free them from the years of his duplicity.

  
  


Much to Rey and Ben’s relief, Leia insisted on making the phone call to her brother alone. She shared little about the conversation though, and her vagueness about it made Rey slightly nervous. She said that Luke was able to confirm some of her memories about the death of their father. He was justifibly disturbed by the implications described in the journals about the involvement of Dr. Tarkin and Palpatine in their mother’s death. 

Leia said he became quite animated at one point during their conversation due to an interaction he had with Dr. Tarkin when he first began at First Order. Luke said Dr. Tarkin always had a special interest in him that seemed to revolve around the fact that he had a twin. Dr. Tarkin asked him to participate informally in a study First Order abandoned years prior that he implied was somehow related to twins. Dr. Tarkin also inquired if Luke would be able to get his sister to participate as well, but Luke refused and the study was never mentioned again. The only information Dr. Tarkin ever provided to him about the study was that it addressed fetal development. Luke always assumed his and Leia’s potential involvement would have been due to the two of them having the same gestational experience. The fact that it might have actually been a way to compare him and Leia to the pregnancy of his deceased twin siblings obviously upset Luke greatly.

“Well, I don’t blame him for being angry at all,” Rey said. “Dr. Tarkin was directly related to the death of your mother and her unborn twins. The fact that he wanted to possibly examine both of you as a control group to compare against any data he had on your unborn siblings is disgusting.” Rey felt anger begin to course through her body, and a look at Ben showed that he wasn’t fairing much better.

“That man is lucky he’s already dead,” Ben mumbled to himself. Rey could see the whites of his knuckles clenching on his lap hidden under the counter.

“I know,” said Leia sadly. She sat down in a chair and rubbed her arms. “I can’t believe how someone could allow themselves to get so microscopically focused that they aren’t aware of what they are actually doing.” She stared off in space. “I can’t wait until you get out of there, Ben.”

Ben sighed. “Actually…” His hands loosened in his lap. Leia’s eyes darted to him. “I think I might want to stay.”

Leia buried her face in her hands and released a long breath. “Of course you do,” she sighed.

“Ben?” Ray gasped. “You can’t possibly be serious?”

Ben shot her a look. “Yes. I can.” His hands resumed clenching at his sides. “You have to understand the importance of the work we are doing. Now that Tarkin is gone and your Grandfather is losing control, Hux and I can make things as they should be. We can do things the right way. First Order is a legacy that belongs to all of us, and we can make it what it should have been from the beginning.”

“You… and Hux?” Rey’s head was spinning. “How can you think that? First Order destroyed your family. My Grandfather’s only focus has been making money. He never cared about the people he’s hurt and used and  _ killed _ along the way. What kind of legacy has he left for us? It’s one I don’t want to have any part of and you shouldn’t either.”

“But what about the good that First Order has done?” Ben was staring her down. “You are correct that your grandfather’s motives were selfish, but the company has also been successful in medical advancement that have helped others. We’ve made people’s lives better in spite of his evil intentions.”

“Yes, but at what expense?” Rey could stare him down, too.

“Stop it!” Leia rose from the chair. “Please.” She touched her forehead. “Palpatine needs to be stopped. After that… Well, I don’t know what happens then, but we need to get him to face the consequences of his actions. He’s an evil man that shouldn’t be able to have the power he does. We need to stop him.”

Everyone looked around at each other. This was one statement no one could question.

“It might be time to face him,” said Rey. “We need to end this.”


	32. Chapter 32

Rey and Ben went home later that afternoon in silence. They were at an impasse, and, unfortunately, the solution wasn’t going to be found out the window of the car or in the cool frost that floated between them since they’d left Ben’s parents’ house. Rey marveled at the thought that they were having their first real disagreement, and it just had to be about something important. Couldn’t they fight over laundry or a messy bathroom like a normal couple?

Rey knew she could be stubborn, but she also thought of herself as a reasonable person. She could be emotional, but she could also be clinical. She began to consider Ben’s rationale. He’d worked there for a few years, and he probably worked very hard. He admitted that he had maintained his ethical responsibilities in spite of pressure and refused deviate from his prescribed course. If he was able to do all that with Palpatine breathing down his neck, what would he be capable of if he could ensure the ethical aspects of the company? 

Hux was always Ben’s adversary, but he’d found a way to work with him. If Hux was free of Grandfather’s pressures, perhaps he would finally be able to develop his own moral compass. Rey did trust him even after everything, and now Ben did, too. Shouldn’t she be proud of this instead of angry? Not everyone at First Order was evil. She remembered Finn and what a good person everyone always said that he was. He continued to work there even when he had a boss that encouraged him to quit at every turn. He must have thought the work he was doing was worthy or he would have walked away by now.

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she shouldn’t be angry for Ben wanting to take something with nefarious roots and attempting to purify it. That might be more respectful to all the good that came before than simply abandoning everything and dissolving the company into nothing. This could be a way to balance the scale of evil brought on by the company. Maybe First Order could attempt to give back some of what it had taken. If it could be done correctly, perhaps that was the right thing to do.

“Ben.” She reached out and grabbed his knee. His eyes left the road for a moment to meet hers before looking back again.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You’re right. How can I try to save something that is so inherently corrupted?”

“No. I’m sorry.” She squeezed his knee. “I think you’re right. If you can make the company ethical -- if you think you can do that, that would be honorable.”

He glanced between her and the road a few times before grabbing the hand from his knee and bringing it to his mouth to kiss. “I guess we’re not good at fighting. I would have thought we’d be better at it. You can be such a hothead sometimes.” He smiled at her and placed her hand back on his knee.

“No, Ben.” She leaned her head against the headrest and sighed. “I think this is what being good at fighting looks like. Listening, learning, and compromising.” She rubbed his knee and returned to looking out the window.

After a quiet moment, Ben tapped her hand. “Rey, I think I need to go to Tatooine.”

“Tatooine?” Rey could feel the fear start though her body. This had to be about her other grandfather. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. “Why?”

Ben exhaled a long breath and rubbed the side of his face. He continued to focus on changing lanes, so he was able to avoid looking at her. She couldn’t help but feel that wasn’t a coincidence. He was gripping the steering wheel tightly and fidgeting slightly in his seat.

“There are some things I want to find out about my grandfather and his studies with Dr. Kenobi. I might ask Luke to go with me. I think there are some things he can tell us about Palpatine. Some of the notes in the journals -- I just can’t make sense of. I think there might be some clues about my grandfather’s death that he can help me with.”

“So you really don’t think it was suicide?” A feeling of dread made her cringe at the thought of Grandfather being responsible for his death. It was certainly possible, but did it have to be that, too? How much more could Grandfather actually be capable of?

“It certainly could have been suicide. It would make sense, but I feel like there’s more there. It’s just a strange feeling I have based on some of his comments. It would make me feel better if someone that knew him read some of the journals. I think it would help me make sense of everything.” He gave her a quick glance before turning back to the road ahead. “And I want to talk to Dr. Kenobi about you. He’s a wonderful man and I promise I’ll take you to meet him, but I think it might be a good idea to let him know a little about you before you meet.”

“Why do you think he ever reached out to me?” There. She said it. The question that haunted her since she first heard of him.

“I’m afraid he might have been under the impression that you were happy being with your grandfather,” he shot her an uncomfortable look.

“How on earth could he possibly have believed something like that?” Rey was shocked. Surely anyone who knew Grandfather would know that no one could be happy being raised by him.”

“Because,” Ben hesitated. He continued to stare straight ahead and suddenly gripped the wheel tightly. “I might have told him.”

“You told him?” Rey asked in disbelief. “When? Why would you have said that?” All the questions that were forming in her mind made it difficult to put voice to any of them.

“It was after I went to live with Luke. Dr. Kenobi came to visit him and I was introduced to your grandfather then. I didn’t know he was your grandfather. I just thought he knew Palpatine because he also knew my grandfather. No one ever explained his connection. His questions about you were conversational. He said something like, ‘How’s Rey?’ I wasn’t aware of the implications of my response. ‘She’s okay.’ And at the time I thought you were okay. I thought you were happy there without me. I assumed you still had a relationship with my parents. I thought all kinds of stupid things because Hux convinced me they were true.”

Rey slouched in her seat as she considered his words. It made sense. Ben did believe she was happy. That’s why he got angry with her and his parents in the first place, and Hux persuaded him of that because Grandfather encouraged him to pick apart Rey’s relationship with Ben. Everything was so twisted up in lies and illusions, it would have been impossible to discern the truth.

Ben pulled into the garage and turned off the engine. He stared at his hands in his lap for several moments. “I’m so sorry. I hate to think that I stopped him from going to find you.” Ben reached out tentatively to take her hand. “Can you forgive me?”

A flood of emotions released like the breaking of a dam. Rey couldn’t look at him. She raced out of the car and into the house. She ran up to the bedroom and into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She began sobbing as she slid down to the floor. Several minutes passed as she considered all the possibilities of having someone save her from her childhood with Grandfather. Her parents might not have had a choice to take her away from Grandfather, but perhaps this Dr. Kenobi did. Was it possible that Ben had cheated her out of her chance to escape from Grandfather’s duplicity? She knew it wasn’t Ben’s fault; if it was anyone’s fault at all, it was Grandfather’s. How was it possible that he’d beaten everyone again? She realized she hated him. She hated what he stole from her. He gave her some things, but he deprived her of so much more.

A soft knock on the door startled her from the pile she made of herself on the floor. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t move. The knocking continued until the door opened slowly. Ben made a face when he saw her, but she couldn’t even react. Soon he had her in his arms and carried her out of the bathroom. She wasn’t even aware of what he was happening until he gently laid her on the bed and sat down beside her. He began to whisper apologies in her ear as he stroked her cheek. She was so angry and hurt and desperate. She grabbed him around the neck and pulled him close. The pain inside of disappointment and loss needed to stop, and she realized she needed Ben to take away all the emotions that he had created.

“Ben.” His eyes were filled with concern and fear. “Ben, I need you to... Please.” She felt a new wave of tears begin. His lips and his hands were on her in a flash: touching, kissing, the soft ghosting of his fingers over her body. They were everywhere at once. It was distracting. It was exactly what she needed. She countered his gentleness with her own boldness and aggression. She pulled on his clothes and felt the ache in her heart begin to abate as his skin touched hers. Her hands were greedy and selfish as she shoved away anything that kept him from her. She wanted him -- all of him, and she was going to take him.

Her body was demanding, and she selfishly indulged in her desires. She forced her sadness and disappointment deep inside and let the physical sensations he evoked claim her completely. He had told her she could take what she wanted, so she was. Rey’s body squeezed and tugged and insisted. The power Ben told her she had seemed to come alive from within and grew unchecked like the burning embers of a fire that developed into something fierce and wild. Rey glanced down at his face, read expression, and she immediately froze. His eyes went to hers and changed from a resigned sadness to concern. “What? Did I…” He looked confused. “I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?” His hands reached up and he traced his fingers along her arms.

Rey pulled herself off him and covered her face as feelings of shame stung at her eyes. She couldn’t look at him; she turned away in humiliated disdain of her actions. Her racing heart began to slow. A few deep breaths allowed the frantic buzzing in her mind to calm. Ben’s finger tips tentatively trailed her spine. When she turned to face him, he looked defeated -- like he somehow failed her again. “I’m sorry. I got carried away,” she whispered. The words had never been more true.

“No. Don’t be sorry.” He shook his head in disapproval. “I’m the one that hurt you. I’ll do anything to make it better.”

“No, not like that.” Rey considered her words. It felt important to say this right. “You didn’t hurt me. You’re the one that takes care of me.” There. That felt better -- an admission that would soothe them both. Only he didn’t look comforted.

He frowned. “I do hurt you.” He hesitated a moment before sitting up and closing the space between them. His finger traced along her ear, pushing her hair from her face, and he ran his hand behind her head to gently cradle the back of her neck. “I always do this.” His other hand came to rest on her cheek as he began to brush away the tear that began to fall. “I always hurt you, just like everything else I care about.” He sighed in defeat. “I’m so sorry.” His eyes finally met hers.

Rey felt herself panic. “No.” Her fingers hovered over his chest for a moment before following the line of his clavicle. “No. That’s not true.” She carefully chose her words. “I cry when I’m with you because I can. I know I can trust you to take care of me. I’ve had to be strong my entire life all the time with everyone -- everyone, but you.”

His head cocked to the side as he processed her meaning and he seemed to come to a realization. “Oh.” He looked stunned.

“Please don’t ever think that.” She ran her fingers over his chest. “When I’m with you, I don’t have to be anyone but myself.” She dropped her hands in his lap. “I don’t want this to be any less than what it is. Being with you is everything to me. I want to be aware of everything. I want to share myself with you. I want to know that it’s you.” She placed her hand over his heart. “I want to cherish that it’s you.”

Ben pulled her close to kiss her gently, and her body and his began again. This time there was no impatient greed, just tenderness. There was an awareness and a feeling that made the ache in her heart transform into a different pain completely. She felt him, knew him, and her thoughts never strayed from the realization that he was here transforming her pain into something else entirely. Rey pondered as he held her closely that it was how it was supposed to be between them.


	33. Chapter 33

Hux stopped by that evening to check on Ben and see if everything was okay. Rey was surprised and incredibly relieved when she answered the door to find him. They had things to share with him after all. When they told him about the midi-chlorian experiment and the tragic results, Hux’s eyes got large and he began to pace the room. Once they’d finished telling him everything they learned, Hux suddenly stopped and turned to where they sat on the sofa. 

“I’ve heard of that before… Midi-chlorians. I’ve seen files in reference to it. It was in Tarkin’s portfolio. I was never directed to touch it; I probably never had access anyway, but Palpatine has been redirecting Tarkin’s files since his death, so at some point, it’ll have to go somewhere.” His eyes went to Ben.

“He wouldn’t be foolish enough to give it to me,” Ben replied. “He’d know that I would figure all this out and then he’d be in trouble.”

“Would he, though?” Hux eyed Ben skeptically. “Palplatine probably wasn’t actually involved with the treatment, I’m sure. He’s much too smart for that.”

“But it’s his company,” Rey interrupted. He is ultimately in charge of everything that happens at First Order.”

Hux shook his head. “It’s his company now, but years ago it belonged to all three of them. I think he absorbed the Skywalker rights after Anakin died. Not the money, just the decision making rights. Back when that happened, they were all equal partners.”

“So, you don’t think Grandfather is going to get in any trouble for this?” Rey was in shock.

Hux rubbed his face for a moment and then shook his head. “No. What do you think?” He looked at Ben.

“He knows we’re going to want justice. He’s expecting it.” Ben stared at the floor. “I really need to go see Luke and Dr. Kenobi soon… Tomorrow. I think they may be our only hope of getting any kind of answers.” Ben began to search for flights on his phone.

Hux explained to Rey that Tarkin’s work had a history of being questionable. Tarkin didn’t seem to mind stepping over the ethical boundaries and had done so to his own peril more than a few times. There were countless lawsuits that First Order had lost in the beginning, but as the years passed, they were able to lawyer their way out of almost anything. Grandfather prided himself on his success at freeing First Order from the consequences of their more dishonest practices.

“Is that kind of stuff still going on?” Rey asked.

“It’s slowed down since Tarkin got older and certainly now that he’s died, but Grandfather is always looking for the next young scientist he can convince to follow his lead,” Hux stopped talking, and his eyes momentarily settled on Ben before darting back to Rey. His implication was crystal clear. “Luckily, there’s a lot more regulations that are forcing Grandfather to follow ethical standards. There’s also more stringent accountability codes than there was even ten or fifteen years ago. I don’t think there was any regulations at all when they started First Order.”

Rey looked at Ben as he carefully examined the flight information on his phone. She could imagine how Grandfather would pressure him -- how he would make Ben question himself. It was a sign of Ben’s strength that he’d been able to resist him so far, but Rey knew there were depths Grandfather would push all of them to without hesitation to get what he wanted. Perhaps there really wasn’t a way to stop him after all.

“I wanted to let you know,” Hux continued. “I’ve been in touch with Mitaka and my mother. It’s been really nice actually getting to know them.”

“That’s wonderful, Hux,” said Ben as he looked up from his phone.

“Rey, you should know that Mitaka works in the hospital laboratory. He’s the one that told Grandfather about the child you misdiagnosed.”

“What?” Rey yelled in shock. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t think he meant to do it in a mean way. After Tarkin died, Mitaka had a conversation with Grandfather at the funeral. I guess Grandfather made a whole show of saying he doesn’t hear much from you and he wondered how you were doing. He asked him to share anything he knew about how you were. Mitaka said Grandfather would call him every so often, saying he wanted to see how he was doing since his father died. He played up this whole thing about being Tarkin’s best friend and feeling responsible to make sure Mitaka was coping well. Mitaka was impressed with how thoughtful Grandfather was being since he’d hardly ever talked to him before. He ultimately agreed that it made more sense that Grandfather was using him for information than the possibility that he suddenly developed some compassion.”

“Do you trust Mitaka?” Rey asked gently. She didn’t want to offend Hux, but she had to ask. “Do you think he’ll tell Grandfather some of the things you talked about?”

“I trust him,” Hux sighed. “He didn’t seem to have any sort of loyalty to Grandfather at all. I think they were just friendly conversations. Now that he knows that Grandfather was only being nice to get information, I think he’s annoyed to have been used. Anyway, I don’t think Grandfather’s going to be making any more phone calls. Mrs. Tarkin, my mother, went to see him. She says he’s really, really sick.”

Rey was surprised. “Why did she want to see him?”

“To tell him off.” Hux smiled. “She told him that I know about being his son. I guess she got a lot off her chest. She seemed proud of herself. I hope you don’t mind that she told him.” He looked at Rey timidly.

“No,” Rey shook her head. “That was your secret, so whatever makes you feel comfortable. We need to go to him as soon as possible anyway. It’s time to put everything out on the table. I want to face him head on.”

“She said he’s spending every morning at First Order. He gets there early and stays as long as he can. He usually leaves after lunch. He can’t do the eighteen hour days anymore.” He sighed. “I think the end might be coming whether he is prepared for it or not.”

Rey nodded. “When Ben comes back, we’ll go to him.”

“If I leave tomorrow morning, I should be back by Monday night.” Ben looked at Hux. “Can I have off on Monday?”

Hux laughed. “Sick on a Friday and vacationing on a Monday? I really hope Grandfather doesn’t find out about that. He might want to fire me instead.”

“You have to ask Hux to take a day off?” Rey asked in disbelief.

Ben made a face at her. “Well, it’s better than asking your grandfather. Who are you to talk, anyway? You have to ask my mother when you want a day off.”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

  
  


It was early on Saturday morning when Rey was beginning her trek from the staff parking lot across campus. She was a little early, but after saying goodbye to Ben, she felt like she had to get out of the house. He insisted on driving himself to the airport, and she didn’t really fight him because it would have been difficult to get back in time for her early shift. He woke her up with a silent kiss on her forehead, and, even though she tried, she wasn’t able to get back to sleep. Knowing he wasn’t where he was supposed to be made her feel… off. She couldn’t wait for him to come home tomorrow night. She scrunched her face with the realization that her attachment to him might be a little out of control.

“Hey! It’s Rey!” she heard come from the path ahead. There was Poe, Rose, and Kaydel coming straight towards her .

“You’ve got some explaining to do!” Kaydel’s smiling face transformed into one of disbelief. “Who do you think you are showing up with Ben Solo and crashing Poe’s engagement party?”

“Ben Solo, Rey?” Rose yelled louder than necessary. “Ben Solo?” They weren’t that far away from each other. People were starting to look.

“I’m sorry,” Rey hung her head. “I couldn't help it. I’m in love with him.”

“Well, that’s quite a statement to make,” Rose said with shock.

By now they had reached each other and the three of them crowded around Rey in an almost overwhelming and intimidating manner.

“How could you not tell us? Give us some type of warning?” Kaydell asked. “Think about Poe… and Finn!”

“Actually,” Poe held his hand up. “Finn and I already knew, but we were specifically told that it was highly classified top secret information.” Rose and Kaydel stared at him in shock.

“You knew?” Rose pointed a finger at him accusingly. “And you didn’t tell us? I thought we were friends.” She made a face that intended to show annoyance, but clearly revealed her entertainment of the entire situation.

“I was sworn to absolute secrecy. How was I supposed to know the two fools in question would go and blow their secret on a whim?” He made a face at Rey. “Although, I guess I should be flattered that it was my party they had to come out of hiding for.”

Rose and Kaydell turned to look at Rey in mock anger. She felt the need to defend herself. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you don’t like him, but Ben can be hard to hide. He’s too big and temperamental. It was only a matter of time until Leia said something anyway.”

“All the joking aside, though,” said Poe. “Are you happy?” Rose and Kaydel took his cue to stop with the joking and studied her patiently.

“I really am,” Rey smiled. “He understands me better than anyone… and he's super hot.” 

Everyone laughed.

“Really, really hot,” said Kaydell with a smile.

“Finn says that for the last few months Ben has been, and I quote, ‘like a different person. Like a human being.’ Finn wants to study you Rey to see how you are able to do this. I think he wants blood, skin, and hair samples. He’s got the entire experimental design worked out. He just needs your consent, little miss independent variable.” He looked at Rey and smiled.

“Really?” Rey smiled. “He thinks he can just experiment on Ben?” Rey challenged. “Tell him good luck. One thing I’ve learned about Ben Solo is that he is one dependent variable you cannot easily manipulate.” She smiled.

“Exactly!” said Rose. “So what do you see in him… besides the obvious, I mean?”

Rey shrugged her shoulders. “I know he can be a moody asshole, but he’s honest and thoughtful and kind. Most of his bluster is just noise.” Everyone was watching her in silence, and she felt like she was gushing. “I really do love him. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember.” Rey beamed. It felt good to say it. It felt incredible to mean it. “And, I know he loves me, too.” She was beaming.

“Judging by his emotional transplant, nobody doubts that,” grinned Poe. “Dr. Solo was right. You are the Ben whisperer.”

Everyone nodded. Rey wasn’t sure what else there was to say. She felt like she could now check “Deal with the fallout from dinner” off her checklist. It felt fantastic to get things done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this ride is almost over. I'll try to get the last few chapters out as soon as I can, but it might not be until next weekend. I've really been struggling with them. I've already rewritten them twice, but I think I finally figured it out. Thanks for reading and for the comments and kudos. It's been a pleasant surprise to actually have subscribers. :-)


	34. Chapter 34

Rey didn’t hear much from Ben since he left. She texted him a few times and got terse, unhelpful responses. He made no mention of what he was doing or how things were going, but he alluded to Luke going with him to see Dr. Kenobi. She wanted to give him some space, so she refused to allow herself to call him, but she gave in as the day turned to night. He didn’t answer or return her call, but texted with comments about being on a seemingly successful trail that he would “explain in detail tomorrow.”

That should have to be enough to satisfy her, but it wasn’t. She was struggling to get to sleep and the tossing and turning slowly turned into hours of restless torture. Her mind was racing, and, in spite of her efforts, she couldn’t slow it down. Halfway through a guided relaxation track, a crash from outside pushed itself into her awareness. Admitting defeat, she allowed herself to peek out through the blinds. 

The streetlight dimly illuminated Mitaka crouched on the ground by his car. He appeared to be picking several small items off the ground and throwing them into the box that he must have dropped. The trunk of his car was open, and a faint light from inside was enough to see a similar sized box already sitting inside. She watched as he finished collecting the small items that glinted briefly as he moved in and out of the light. He placed the box in the trunk and quietly closed it. After a quick look around, he got into the car, backed out of the driveway, and drove slowly down the street.

Rey began to consider what she had just witnessed. She remembered what Hux said when he spoke about his visit to Mitaka’s house. He said that he delivered “some type of apparatus,” which at the time she thought was unusual. Knowing that Mitaka worked in a laboratory certainly made it possible for him to be doing experiments on his own time. If Dr. Tarkin really was the one at First Order that performed all the unethical experiments, it was reasonable to assume he might have confided some of his discoveries to his son. He might have even involved Mitaka in his research outside of First Order’s laboratory. Rey was really curious to know what could possibly induce Mitaka to be moving boxes in the middle of the night.

It was just after two in the morning, and the entire neighborhood appeared to be fast asleep. Rey decided she should go out to see if he left any clues behind. She had to have at least a few minutes before Mitaka returned from wherever it was he had gone. She slid on a sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers. When she got to the front door, she opened it slowly and left it unlocked behind her. It was dark, but she could still see slight twinkling from the remaining pieces of whatever had broken in the driveway. A gentle touch of her fingers confirmed the pieces left behind were glass and the ground was wet. As she walked along the driveway, she found what she was looking for.

A small vial somehow survived the fall. It must have rolled along the driveway and stopped when it reached the grass. She grabbed it quickly and hopped back through the yard back to the front door. She didn’t breathe until she was inside and was finally able to examine the vial. Her heart was racing. Maybe Hux trusted this guy, but she certainly didn’t. She held the vial up to the light, and the blue liquid inside almost seemed to glow.

The questions immediately began to formulate. Should she tell Hux? Should she call Ben and tell him right now or wait until morning? Her mind began to run wild with questions. What if Hux knew something he wasn’t telling her? What if he wasn’t sharing everything he knew about Mitaka? That didn’t feel right, but it was certainly possible. Rey deadbolted all the doors and checked the windows. She went up to bed knowing she would most likely get no sleep tonight. She hugged herself as she lay in bed wishing so desperately that Ben could be here right now.

  
  


Her phone suddenly began ringing. Surprisingly, she must have fallen asleep. She found Artie and Beebee both perched on the bed when she woke up. They looked like silent sentinels watching guard. Rey couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief knowing she wasn’t alone.

She grabbed her phone in hopes that Ben was finally calling, but it wasn’t. Hux’s name lit up the screen. She began to panic; it had to be important if he was calling at 3:21 in the morning. “Hux?”

“Rey. I’m sorry it’s really early, but I need to see you right away. Can I come over?”

“Sure...” She wasn’t sure how she should handle Hux. Why wouldn’t Ben call her back?

“Is there any way that I can park in your garage? I don’t want Mikata seeing my car?”

Rey felt a surge of relief. Hux must have decided not to trust Mitaka either. “Sure. I’ll go open the door so you can just drive right up. Ben’s car is at the airport, so you can park in his space.”

“Thank god,” He sighed.

“When will you be here?” Rey frantically began to get dressed.

“Probably in less than five minutes, but I’m going to come from around the block. I don’t even want to drive in front of his house.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll wait for you in the garage.”

The call ended and Rey raced downstairs to the garage. She opened the door without hesitation and went to stand in the entryway to watch for him. She stole a quick peek next door and saw that Mitaka’s car still hadn’t returned. A few moments later, Hux’s little car crept slowly up the road and he quietly pulled the car in the driveway and into the garage. Rey hit the button to shut the door before he even turned off the engine.

“Something is going on,” Hux said as soon as he opened the door. “I’m afraid it might have been a mistake to trust Mitaka. I think his loyalty belongs to some experiment of his father’s. It was dumb of me to think I could trust him.”

“No, Hux.” Rey went and touched his arm. “I thought he could be trusted, too. We were both wrong.”

Hux began to ramble quickly. “I got an alert from a security patch I installed on the surveillance cameras at First Order. I hacked into the security system to keep tabs on Dr. Tarkin’s lab because I think that’s where all the research about the midi-chlorians is located. Mitaka broke into Dr. Tarkin’s lab about an hour ago. I have a feeling that Mitaka is trying to steal whatever Tarkin discovered.”

Rey held up her hand in interruption. “Mitaka was putting boxes in his car a little while ago when he dropped one and it made a loud noise. It was around two o’clock and I was trying to sleep. He cleaned up what he could and drove away. I found a vial he accidentally left behind. I can show you.” Rey led him inside.

“I think the boxes were full of these,” she said as she placed it in his hands.

“What do you think this is?” Hux asked in wonder as he held the vial up to the light.

“I have no idea, but I wish Ben was here. He would at least have some ideas.”

“When will he be back?” Hux asked as he returned the vial to her.

“Tomorrow,” Rey said as she gently placed the vial back in a cup on the kitchen counter.

“You might want to ask him to come home early,” Hux said. He rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I have no idea what, but something is definitely going on.”

Rey left Ben a very desperate sounding message. She briefly mentioned Mitaka’s break-in at First Order and the mysterious boxes, but she tried to emphasize that she felt scared and that she really, really wanted him to come home. Rey thought she was going to lose her mind. She paced nervously while Hux laid on the sofa and stared at the ceiling.

“So what exactly did you see on the security footage?” Rey asked.

“Mitaka went into the lab with a box and came out with it about five minutes later.”

“It must have been one of the boxes he left here with. Was the box empty when he left the lab? Could you tell?”

“He didn’t carry the box like it was empty. It looked like he brought something into the lab and took something out. Perhaps he was replacing the vials in the lab with the ones from his house?” Hux started to rub his forehead again. 

“How was Mitaka even able to break into Dr. Tarkin’s lab? Doesn’t First Order have security staff?” Rey asked.

“He must have had an access key that belonged to Dr. Takin. I’m surprised it worked, though. It should have been disabled. I should talk to Praetorian; he’s the head of security.” He hesitated. “Or maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe Praetorian helped him get in. Someone had to have helped him. Could it be Grandfather?”

“If Grandfather wanted Mitaka to have access, he wouldn’t have had to go in the middle of the night, though. Right?”

Hux was silent. 

Everything about Dr. Tarkin and Mitaka was a mystery. “Do you know what caused Tarkin’s death? Was it unexpected?” Rey asked.

“No, he’d been sick for a while. He had… something.” He sighed. “He never mentioned what, but he got really thin and frail. Just like…” His voice trailed off when suddenly he jerked upright, eyes darting to Rey’s.

“Oh, my God! Hux! Are they experimenting on themselves with the midi-chlorians?”


	35. Chapter 35

Rey’s phone rang on the table, and she jumped with anticipated relief to answer it before she even knew what she was doing. Ben’s name flashed across the screen, and she couldn’t get the phone to her ear fast enough.

“Ben?”

“Rey!” 

The immediate flood of dopamine and oxytocin eased some of the nervous tension, but made her heart ache with a painful throb. She wanted him. Here. Right now.

“Rey! Is everything okay? Are you alright?” His voice was uneasy.

“Yes. Hux is here with me. Did you hear my message? Hux saw security footage of Mitaka breaking into Dr. Tarkin’s lab and I saw him moving boxes from his house that have vials of something. He left one outside and I was able to get it, but we’re not sure what it could possibly be.” Rey couldn’t get the words out fast enough. She wasn’t even sure if what she was saying made any sense at all.

“It’s the midi-chlorian experiment. What we thought about my grandmother, that was only part of it. Luke and Dr. Kenobi went through the journals with me, and I think we think we’ve figured out a few things. At least, I hope we have.”

“When are you coming home?” Rey really didn’t like the desperation in her voice, but…

“Tomorrow. I’ll be home as soon as I can.” He sounded pained. He sounded like she felt.

Rey could feel herself get emotional. “I want you to come home today.” She hated the neediness of her request, but Hux was right. Something was going on; she could feel it in the air.

He sighed. “Let me see what I can do.”

In that moment, it felt like her heart was actually bursting within her chest. Rey knew it was ridiculous and stupid and uncharacteristically clingy. He just left yesterday, but it seemed like forever ago. It felt like the world was spinning a little bit faster than it should be and she was disoriented. She needed his hand to steady her.

His voice sounded so close in her ear; if only he could actually be right here beside her. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I promise.”

A tear slowly slid down her face.

  
  


Ben convinced her to go and stay at his parents’ house and to take Hux with her. “Between whatever Mitaka is up to and your grandfather’s precarious medical condition, I’m afraid for both of you. I’d feel better if you were both with my parents,” he said. 

His offer to be with his parents had provided her with a comfort she didn’t realize was possible. The idea of being safe in his parents’ home was reassuring in an unexpected way. Hux was reluctant, but he ultimately acquiesced. They arrived at the Solo house a little before six o’clock in the morning, and Ceecil dutifully led them inside and offered to make breakfast.

“That’s very nice of you to offer, but we both had a really long. Would it be okay if we got some sleep?” Rey couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable asking to be left alone, but it was the truth. Hux looked even more exhausted than Rey felt.

“Sure,” said Han as he appeared in the kitchen. “Leia is at work, so I guess Ceecil and I will be filling in as your hosts. Come upstairs and we’ll get you both settled.” He led them through the house and showed Hux the guest rooms. He began to lead Rey down the hall to another empty room, but she stopped in the hallway.

“Can I go to Ben’s room?” Was that weird? She was upset and lonely and missing him. It seemed like the only place to be.

Han shrugged. “Help yourself.” He hesitated. “I guess you know your way around.” He smiled warmly at her. “I’m glad Ben told you to come here, kid. You know how much we care about you, right?”

Rey couldn’t stop herself. She gave him a hug, and he hugged her back in a comforting way that made her growing trepidation momentarily ebb. “Thanks for saying that. You and Leia have always been so important to me.”

Han smiled warmly and headed back down the hall. “Make yourself at home,” he called back to her as he headed down the stairs.

Closing Ben’s door behind her, Rey went immediately to his bed, kicked off her shoes, and pulled back the covers. She set an alarm on her phone because she was due at the hospital at one o’clock this afternoon. She really needed to get some sleep before she went in or it would be an excruciatingly long shift. Hopefully Hux wouldn’t be too uncomfortable without her until Ben returned later tonight. She was glad he decided to come along; it just felt safer here with people she loved and trusted.

Before climbing in bed, Rey went to close the blinds in an attempt to keep out some of the morning sunshine. She stopped to take in the view for a moment in front of the window. From Ben’s desk, she could see the back of Grandfather’s house and into the backyard. She hated that house and everything it stood for in her mind. She always thought it looked cold and ominous, but she never fully grasped the full extent of the evilness it disguised.

Rey noticed her old playhouse -- her one escape from the very beginning. There was a direct shot from where she stood right into the window. She never noticed how clear the view was, and the observation was startling. She remembered Ben saying that he’d known she’d been watching him from her playhouse and part of the reason for his elaborate performances in the backyard was to entice her to come out from the safe space she created for herself. A smile spread across her face as a rush of emotion filled her chest. For as long as she had been watching him from her playhouse window, she was completely unaware that he had already been watching her. She imagined him sitting at his desk and seeing her for the first time. He was always extraordinarily perceptive of everything about her. He would have seen her loneliness and recognized her pain. This realization was a funny observation, a silly twist on her perception of reality, but it was also something infinitely more. It was a touching confirmation that Ben was always destined to belong to her. 

Rey slid into his bed and allowed herself to relish in the comfort his room provided. This was always the place she considered her home. She simply loved everything about this house. Her eyes fell on the spot where she used to keep some of her toys back when they spent every spare moment together. A quick glance around confirmed her suspicions; it was the only empty shelf in the room. Ben never forgot that it belonged to her. She felt herself drift asleep before she even finished enjoying the feelings of tranquility their childhood home provided.

  
  


Rey couldn’t help it; she checked the clock again. It was a little after nine, and she had one more interminable hour left until her shift ended and she could go back to the Solo’s house. Ben had worked some miracles and assured her he was able to get a flight home today. He would be back by the time she got finished with work. She just needed this shift to be over already. It had been a pretty uneventful day in the PICU, thankfully; Rey doubted if she would have been able to keep up if it had been. Everything still had a strange feeling to it -- like those odd dreams where every room is backwards.

Rey was checking on some labs when the phone at her station rang. She was requested in the main hospital wing for a consult. That happened sometimes when there was a particularly challenging diagnosis. Rey felt a little thrill knowing that her expertise was being sought out by the big-wigs. It made her steps feel a little lighter and slightly springier.

When she walked into the observation room, she expected to see a team of doctors crowded around some scans, but there was only a single older doctor hovering over a patient bed that contained -- Grandfather! It was him, but he couldn’t have looked less like himself. He was completely emaciated, with a sunken face and frighteningly pale skin. He looked weak and frail, but his eyes were quick to meet hers. She felt herself freeze. She was petrified of the broken man before her.

“Rey.” He stared at her like he was taking her apart with his mind and examining her deepest secrets. “Come here.” His voice was surprisingly firm. “You may leave us,” he said to the doctor who quickly scurried from the room. Rey didn’t recognize the man who looked about as ancient as Grandfather.

Rey was speechless, and she stared at Grandfather for a long moment unable to move. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to be alone. Ben should be with her -- right here holding her hand and calming her racing heart with his bravery and strength. Hux was supposed to be here, too. He was going to stand up to grandfather for his own sake as well as hers. Facing Grandfather alone was her greatest fear.

“Rey.” His voice was louder and more insistent. It broke through the foggy haze in her mind and her body responded to him without thought, almost automatically, as she was drawn to his bedside. “I know you think you can dismiss me. You and Hux believe you can separate yourselves from me, but you can’t.” His wrinkled hand reached out and grabbed her wrist. He squeezed with an amazing amount of strength; so much that it hurt and Rey tried to pull herself from his grasp.

“Look,” he continued. His eyes narrowed into hers. “Look.” He turned her hand to reveal the inside of her wrist. “The blood that runs through those veins is mine. You will never cease being mine.” He squeezed her tighter. “You cannot deny me. You will always belong to me.”

Rey began to panic as she tried to pull herself from his grasp. She couldn't. He held her firmly and his grip continued to tighten. It was painful.

“Grandfather,” Rey’s voice was pleading. “Let me go.”

“I’ll never let you go.” His voice was strong. His eyes were filled with determination. How was it possible for him to have such strength?

“Grandfather, you’re dying.” It was true. Her eyes told her it was true, but it didn’t feel true.

Grandfather laughed. “No,” he smiled. His face wrinkled and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. “No.” He shook his head. “This is only the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?” Rey wasn’t sure what he could possibly mean. As she pulled her eyes from his in discomfort, she noticed a PICC line delivering a blue liquid that Rey recognized instantly. 

“It’s the beginning of the next life. My body is in this weakened state in preparation for the gift that you will be giving me. Your blood -- my blood -- will make me truly immortal.”

“The midi-chlorains? You need the midi-chlorians in my blood to survive?”

“Not just survive. I will become what I once was. With midi-chlorians from you, my body will be able to restore itself.”

“You can’t just take my blood.”

“I’m not going to take it.” He smiled. “You are going to offer it to me.”


	36. Chapter 36

Rey began to pull herself away from Grandfather’s frozen grip, but he jerked her back towards him. Panic flooded her body. He wasn’t going to let her go. She could feel this truth radiate through her body. He would always have power over her. There could be no escape from his evil clutches. She felt her resolve begin to break. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She needed Ben and Hux. The tears began in her eyes as the fear became unbearable.

“You are going to beg me to take your blood because you know -- deep down you know the power I have over everyone and everything that you feel is important. This precious hospital…” His eyes absently wandered the room before darting back to her’s. “I’m not just a nameless benefactor. I have money entrenched so deeply that I can dictate how I want things to be run. I can say who I want to head the new pediatric department of a new wing I paid for. I can say who will get accepted as a new resident or a lab technician. I have so much power here that I can claim a floor to perform medical procedures without anyone even batting an eye. Everything here belongs to me… including you.”

He leaned back in his bed and closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the victory he had declared for himself. Rey attempted to fathom how much more elaborate his schemes were than she ever imagined. Was there nothing in her world unmarked with his fingerprints? His eyes suddenly opened and a wicked smile spread across his face .

“Don’t worry; I won’t forget about your precious Solo family. Aside from Dr. Solo, who can unexpectedly find herself in the midst of a career ending scandal, let’s look at your precious Ben. I never anticipated that he would demonstrate such promise. I only intended for him to lead you back to me. His intelligence and problem solving capabilities was an unexpected gift that I have only seen surpassed by his grandfather. Do you know about his grandfather?” He studied her face carefully, attempting to read the subtle cues. “His name was Anakin. When I met Anakin, I saw untamed raw talent with an ego that would push him beyond his limits. I almost let him go because of his temperamental nature, but then I met his beautiful wife with their two perfect twins. I knew she could be the vessel for our further developments with the midi-chlorians. Her counts were so impressive, I knew she would be the true giver of life. Unfortunately, Anakin was foolish. His hubris made him reckless and brash. I told him to be patient, but he pushed her body to the brink.”

“No, Grandfather,” Rey interrupted. “You made him think what he was doing was okay. I’ve read the journals.”

“You’ve found the journals?” Grandfather’s tone was shocked and disbelieving, but his eyes began to twinkle and Rey knew he was mocking her with his apparent glee. He smiled smugly. “Then I have all the evidence I need to expose the Skywalker legacy for what it truly is -- arrogant and foolhardy. With those journals I can finally dissolve the First Order and remove the Skywalkers from our financial triumvirate.”

“But you can’t do that.” Rey couldn’t predict where Grandfather was taking this conversation. She was forced to be a passenger with no understanding of what could possibly come next. At this point, she feared it could be taking her just about anywhere.

“I’ve wanted to remove the Skywalkers for years, but I haven’t been able to prove the extent of Anakin’s irresponsible and illegal negligence. It’s a comfort to know the journals are still in existence.” His glee was so unnerving that Rey had to turn away, but she couldn’t hide from his words. “As for the great experiment with the midi-chlorians, I will succeed where Skywalker and Tarkin have failed. Anakin was too impetuous, whie Tarkin was too circumspect. Tarkin was paranoid that he would make a mistake. He didn’t trust his instincts to tell him when it was time. I won’t make that mistake. I know that it is time, and I know that it is you. I’ve known since I held you in my arms -- it’s always been you. The analysis of your blood when you were a baby only confirmed what I saw when I looked in your eyes. Your blood is rife with midi-chlorians, so much more than your father’s and Hux’s. You were the one I’ve held onto for just this moment, and I know you won’t fail me.”

He finally released her hand, and Rey stumbled backwards a few steps before regaining her footing. She looked at his tiny body in the oversized bed, and for the first time, felt a slight flush of strength. She had something that Grandfather needed, but with this power came the realization that she might never escape him.

“You need my blood? How much of it?”

“1,000 mL is all I should need to begin my restoration. It’s nothing you can’t easily do without -- a slight inconvenience.” He shrugged his shoulders. “This is something I need from you for my survival.”

Rey knew that Grandfather was right. If he needed her blood, there would be no denying him. She wouldn’t refuse him. She may fear him and hate him, but she wouldn’t let him die if she could help it. She would give of herself to help him because he had given to her. It wasn’t a question. It was who she was and who she always had been.

Rey nodded. She felt the emptiness of defeat overwhelm her. She felt so alone.

“Good,” said Grandfather with a wicked satisfaction. “Good. This is as it should be. When I have recovered, you and I will be able to break the realm of medical expectations. The unimaginable will be possible with my knowledge of the midi-chlorians. We will write the future of our desires. Nothing will stand in our way.” He was beaming. His eyes were glowing with anticipation. Rey felt a sickening dread clench at her heart. “Go tell Dr. Krennic that we are ready.”

Rey nodded mechanically in surrender. The sooner she could do this, the better. Her hand lightly grasped the doorknob, but she hesitated before turning it. The thought came to her unbidden, and she suddenly felt a spark of affirmation. When she turned back to Grandfather, she felt as if she was looking at him for the first time. Her eyes widened in horror as she took in subtle details about him, and waves of acceptance of her assessment brought her a sense of peace and courage that surprised her.

“No.” Her voice was strong. Brave. Resolute. She wasn’t afraid -- not anymore.

His head jerked in shock and his eyes narrowed in challenge. He said nothing as the anger brewed behind the shadow of evil in his cold eyes. He flicked his fingers in front of himself almost as if he was expelling sparks of furious electricity before he clenched his fists in his lap. Rey watched as his entire body tensed in a rage that his small body struggled to suppress. Then a shift in the light of the room transformed him and his face softened. His eyes widened and filled with a gentle tenderness Rey had never seen.

“Rey,” his voice sounded different -- like it belonged to someone else. It was gentle, soft, and pleading. “Rey, I need you to help me. You are the only person that can save my life. The time is now. I won’t survive if you don’t help me.”

Rey felt the invisible strings that connected her to him pull on her heart. He was asking for her help, not demanding it as he said he would. She knew it was an act -- she knew it. She let go of all the emotions struggling within. She knew what she had to do.

“You’ve never cared about me or anyone else. Everything you’ve ever done since you took me from my parents was done in preparation for this. You’ve used me and Hux and everyone.” Rey felt herself grow stronger. “You control the people around you like playthings. You have used and pushed and manipulated for your entire life. Your selfishness never stops as long as you are able to continue to steal from others like the parasite that you are. Your time of exerting power over people is over. I accept everything you think you can do to hurt me because I will not allow myself or those that I love to be used by you ever again.”

Grandfather’s face was empty of emotion. Was he trying to determine his next mode of attack? Rey didn’t wait to find out. She turned on her heels, shoved open the door in front of her, and strode out into the hall. She didn’t stop when she heard someone call her name. She kept going. She left it all behind. She left Grandfather behind. 

As she rounded the corner, a man stepped in front of her. He reached his hands out as if attempting to corral a frightened animal. “Miss… You need to stop.” He took a step closer. 

The ancient doctor was racing up the hallway from behind her. “Praetorian! Don’t let her get away.” Rey recognized the name. He was the head of First Order’s security.

“You can’t stop me!” Rey yelled, as she looked around for help. There was no one; Grandfather really did claim an entire floor for himself. Rey looked for an escape, but there was nowhere to go. They were getting closer. She was trapped as they approached her from opposite directions.

“It’s okay,” Praetorian whispered in an attempt to sound unthreatening. It was a futile attempt from the oversized giant. “We don’t want to hurt you.”

“You can’t take my blood.” Rey yelled.

Suddenly the doctor grabbed her from behind and Rey felt a jab of a needle in her leg. It was out in a moment. Praetorian grabbed her arms at the elbows.

“It’ll just be a minute until you’re calm,” the doctor said with a cold indifference. “Don’t try to fight it. Everything will be over soon.”

Praetorian attempted to steady Rey as she began to lose her balance, and he gently lowered her to the ground. She struggled to make her body work and she felt her racing thoughts begin to slow.

“Get away from her!” It was Ben! He was here. She wasn’t alone. He was here to help her like he promised. She felt Praetorian’s hold on her release.

Hux’s voice echoed down the hall in question, “Praetorian? What’s going on?”

Ben was racing toward her as Praetorian and the doctor began to back away. Ben reached the doctor first and a quick punch brought the doctor to the ground with a thud. The floor started to twist and turn until it became the ceiling and Rey had a hard time focusing on what was happening. Sounds and images were difficult to make sense of.

Soon Ben was holding her in his arms and talking to her, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. His fingers were moving quickly about her body, and then he pulled her against him protectively. She rested her forehead against his neck and breathed him in. She could hear his heart racing in the ear tucked against his chest. The heaviness of her eyes and the rhythmic thumping of his heart were starting to pull her away from herself.

Rey knew she must have been drugged. She felt herself slipping into and out of consciousness, but there was nothing she could do. She was trapped inside her body that felt like it was weighed down. Opening her eyes was almost impossible. She heard yelling. It was Ben’s voice. He was angry. Hux was trying to calm him. Leia was there, too. She was yelling in a way Rey didn’t recognize. It made her scared. Luke? Luke was talking to Leia, but she was yelling back at him. Rey could feel the anger around her, but then she felt herself rise from the ground. She felt like she was flying into outer space, but her spaceship was warm and soft and gentle. It felt nice. She hoped she would land someplace nice.


	37. Chapter 37

Gradually, Rey began to hear sounds. First muffled voices and then a recognizable word would float into her awareness. She was too weighed down to move or even open her eyes, but she let the sounds calm her. She knew the voices -- in fact, she loved them. It was everyone she cared about, and she knew they were here to protect her from… him. More words began to make sense as they began to flow easier in the foggy haze of her mind, and then she became aware of the tone of some of the voices. The feelings of safety began to disappear.

“She needs to know. We have to tell her.”

“No. Not here. I’ll tell her when I get her home. As soon as she’s conscious, I’m taking her home.”

“You mean our home, right?”

“No I mean _our_ home.”

“I really don't think that’s a good idea. She should probably stay here until tomorrow or at least bring her to our house. She should be monitored closely for a few hours.”

“Ben, you really should listen to your mother.”

“Well, I certainly don’t need to listen to you! How could you not tell us? We came to you for help?”

“I didn’t know it was possible. I never heard anything about the treatment when I worked there.”

“You only worked there for six months; of course you wouldn’t have found out about it in six months.” A pause. “You should have told us what you knew.” His voice was accusing. “And, I am perfectly capable of taking care of her myself.” A loud sigh. “Hux? Will you come with me to tell her? She might want you to be there.”

A snort. “Oh, I highly doubt that, but yes. I’ll help you take her home and talk to her.”

“See.” A long pause.

“Well, we’ll go wait outside. I better go see about…”

A door opened, the sound of multiple people leaving, and then silence. Rey took stock of her body, which was still too heavy to move. She knew she was becoming more lucid and the conversations she overheard were making more and more sense as the moments passed. She felt movement beside her as her hand was lifted in large warm hands -- Ben’s hands. She felt him kiss her fingers and rub her hand between his.

“Rey?” Ben whispered. “Can you hear me, sweetheart?” She felt the brush of fingers on her forehead and a gentle kiss on her scar. She felt herself begin to smile. Why did he always kiss that scar? She’s told him several times it was not his fault.

“Rey?” he whispered again, sounding more desperate. “I’m so sorry I let you down.” One of his hands tucked her hair behind her ear and he rested his forehead on her temple. “I’m so sorry.”

Nope! Rey wasn't going to lie here and listen to this as a prisoner in her own body. With all her strength, focus, and concentration, she gently squeezed his hand and pried her eyes open.

“Ben.” It took a moment for her eyes to adjust and she felt her heart clench when she recognized the fear in his eyes. “Don’t be sorry. You came for me.” His expression changed to confusion. “I wasn’t alone.”

“Rey, you’ll never be alone again. I promise.” He leaned over her to gently brush his lips against hers. “Just relax for a moment, okay? You're coming down off a pretty high dose. Now that you’re awake, though, it shouldn’t be long.” He gently laid down her hand and placed his over it, lightly tracing her fingers with his own. It was relaxing.

As the minutes passed, she began to comprehend what had happened. A slight whimper escaped her, and she rolled to her side away from him, pulling her body into the fetal position. The tears began as she hid her face behind her hands.

“Rey?” Ben sat next to her on the bed and leaned over her, resting his hand on the bed not far from her own. His fingers brushed her hair from her cheek and before cradling the back of her head in his hand. “Rey? What’s wrong?”

The tears began to flow more freely. The words were hard to say. “Grandfather… I killed Grandfather.”

“No, Rey.” He leaned even closer. “Your grandfather killed himself. He made decisions that cost him his life, and he did it knowingly. Don’t blame yourself for decisions he made.”

Tears continued to flow. “But I could have saved him. He needed me to save him.”

“What do you mean?” he asked softly, his eyes filling with concern.

“He said my midi-chlorian numbers were what he needed to survive. I was the only one that could help him.” She closed her eyes tightly, squeezing tears from them.

“Rey,” his hand lightly brushed her cheek. “Rey, look at me.” He waited for a moment until she reluctantly opened her eyes to take in the soft sadness of his gentle stare. “If that’s what your grandfather told you, then he lied. Everyone’s blood has midi-chlorians, the number doesn’t matter. Being genetically related increases the likelihood of compatibility, but there is no midi-chlorian magic number. He could have gotten blood from you or Hux or his son. There would have been no difference between any of you.”

“But why would he have said that?” Rey knew the answer before she even finished asking. “Because I was the easiest to manipulate.” She turned her face into the pillow and hid behind her hands again.

Ben’s hand began to rub her back in small circles. “Hux was more likely to ask questions and make it difficult. He probably knew he had more to bargain with if he went to you.” He leaned over to kiss her temple. “Can I get you out of this hospital? We’ve been fighting about where and when you’ll want to go.”

Rey rolled back and looked up at him. She reached up and lightly traced his clavicle with her finger tips before lacing her fingers behind his neck. He bent down slightly and she pulled him even closer. His nose brushed against hers as she whispered, “Take me home -- to my home with you.” He kissed her gently and she kissed him back.

  
  
  


Ben, Rey, and Hux took her car home from the hospital. Hux said he needed to get his car from their garage, but Rey knew he’d already agreed to help her get settled. As they drove down the street, Rey noticed Mitaka’s car had returned and was parked in his driveway. She felt herself panic as the car pulled into the garage, but Ben looked over at her and smiled. “Hux told me everything.” He nodded. “I’m here now. It’ll be okay.” Looking at his strong arm as it draped over the steering wheel, she knew he was right.

As soon as they got inside, Rey went to lie down on the couch. Hux plopped into what was becoming his chair and started to scroll through his phone. “Do you think anyone delivers at this hour?” he asked.

“Probably,” Ben muttered. “This is when all the drunks get hungry.”

Rey nestled herself into the sofa pillow and closed her eyes. She felt herself drift asleep, but awoke to the sound of the doorbell.

“It’s about time,” said Hux as he got up to answer the door. “Mitaka?”

Rey jerked upright, and Ben quickly came from the kitchen.

“I know it's late, but I saw your lights on.” He fidgeted nervously. “I wanted to give this to you. It’s a letter my mother -- our mother gave to me from my father. You should read it.” His eyes darted between the three of them as he handed Hux the letter. “All of you should read it.”

Hux took the letter from his hands and came to sit next to Rey on the sofa. Ben eyed Mitaka curiously as he stood in the doorway. As Hux opened the letter and leaned toward Rey so she could see it, Ben motioned for Mitaka to come inside. Mitaka cautiously stepped into the house and slowly leaned back on the door to close it behind him. He hovered nervously just inside the living room.

Hux and Rey’s eyes scanned the pages quickly, taking in the morsels of information like breadcrumbs leading them to the answers they were seeking to find. Tarkin explained that as he neared the end of his treatment cycle to prepare his body for the midi-chlorians he intended to receive from Mitaka’s blood, his condition didn’t seem to be going as anticipated. He began to suspect that the treatment had been modified and he was correct after he studied the medication in his laboratory. It was the same medication Anakin had used in his great desperation after the loss of his wife. Tarkin believed someone had switched the vials in his laboratory in an attempt to kill him. 

Tarkin always suspected that Palpatine manipulated Anakin into believing that Padme was special and that her blood would have abilities yet to be discovered. When she died, they had taken some of her blood to use later. Ultimately, Anakin died in the treatment he attempted. It was passed off as suicide, but Tarkin believed Palpatine modified the medicine in a way that it actually killed him. It appeared that Palpatine was attempting to use the same trick on him now that he had made improvements to the treatment that could possibly have actually worked.

When Tarkin realized the vials were switched, he changed all of them in his laboratory including the one’s found in the archives. He sought to destroy his lifetime of work in anger and revenge because he knew that Palpatine would attempt to use it successfully on himself. Tarkin essentially cursed Palpatine to share in his own fate. He asked Mrs. Tarkin to read this letter with Mitaka when it looked like Palpatine was about to die. He requested that Mitaka replace the vials in the First Order laboratory with ones in some boxes he had asked Mitaka to keep in his garage. 

Tarkin wanted to end this experiment and all of their progress once and for all. Specific directions were given about how to break into First Order and Mrs. Tarkin was in contact with Praetorian to ensure that he wouldn’t be caught. It was very detailed and organized down to the time of day and path to take through the lab in order to reduce the likelihood of being caught. He included a security card and codes for various entrances. His instructions were very clear.

Tarkin’s rage and frustration against Palpatine was obvious in every phrase of the letter. Apparently Tarkin hadn’t anticipated being used and discarded by Palpatine in the same way everyone else had. He incorrectly assumed his partnership was somehow different. He acknowledged how foolish this belief was considering the lengths Palpatine had gone to destroy his marriage. Tarkin decided he wanted revenge for all the evil Palpatine had tricked him into doing for the past several decades. 

Hux and Rey read the letter over and over, eventually sharing pages with Ben. As the minutes passed, Mitaka seemed to get more comfortable and eventually sat down in a chair closest to the door. He watched their expressions carefully.

Rey got up from the sofa and went into the kitchen. “Mitaka, you dropped one of the vials.” She returned with the vial in her hand and held it out to him. “I found it in your driveway after you left.”

“You heard that? I’m so sorry. I was so nervous. Luckily only a few broke. There were noticeably fewer than there should have been in the laboratory, but I figured it didn’t matter.” He looked embarrassed.

“So what’s in this one?” Rey asked curiously as she rolled the vial in her fingers.

“Blue raspberry Kool-aid,” Mitaka smiled.

“Seriously?” Ben looked up.

“I guess it was the right color.” Mitaka shrugged.

Rey laughed. This was too much to comprehend. “Do you think anyone will notice?”

“Who knows. Now that Grandfather is dead, everything is likely to be turned upside down.”

“He’s dead?” Mitaka asked. His eyes were large. “It actually happened? My father’s plan actually...” He glanced between them in shocked disbelief.

“Yes. It worked.” Hux nodded deep in thought.

“Do you still have the vials you took?” Rey asked.

“Yeah,” Mitaka stood up. “I thought we should get rid of them together since we’re the ones that have unknowingly been roped into this elaborate scheme. I’ll go get them. Hux would you help?”

Hux and Mitaka disappeared out the door. Rey leaned into Ben as he continued to read the pages for what must have been the fifth time. Rey rubbed her cheek against his shoulder.

“So, I didn’t kill him?” Rey asked. She sounded like an insecure child.

Ben’s hands dropped in his lap and he turned to her. “No, Rey. You did not kill your grandfather. Even before reading this, you didn’t kill him. But, now we know that he also didn’t just die; Tarkin killed him.”

Rey nodded her head. “I don’t blame him. Grandfather killed him, too.”

Ben reached his arm over her and around her body, pulling her into his side. He kissed her forehead. “Will you be able to let this go?”

Rey took a deep breath and realized the truth. Grandfather wouldn’t have any power over her ever again. The uncertainty that constantly haunted her from the shadows would be gone. Yes, it was said that her grandfather had passed, but he wasn’t a good man. He didn’t deserve the power he had over so many people around him. Now everyone would be at peace as well.

“I will be,” Rey said with conviction. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly, allowing herself to relax in his arms. It was over. They were free.

  
  
  


Rey awoke the next morning to sounds of Ben’s breathing. Just like the first morning in this room so many months ago, she watched the sunlight move around the ceiling as the sun began to rise. She admired her chair in the corner and had to smile when she saw Beebee nestled in the blanket she absentmindedly threw there a few days ago. She felt like her life and Ben’s had blended seamlessly into one. It was so easy; she always heard how hard it could be to make your life fit with someone else’s. For her, there had been no hesitation. In many ways, it hadn’t been a decision at all. They were already one. She wondered when exactly that happened. Looking back through all her memories of their lives together, it seemed like they were always simply extensions of each other. They belonged together from the very first moment.

Her hand reached out and lightly traced the line of his back. He was so handsome. Sometimes she would laugh to herself about how he continually broke his own scale. Those times when she admired him from afar, she thought that no one else could be that handsome. But, as time went by and would continue to go by, she knew she would find him even more attractive because the more of her life she shared with him, the more he shared with her. Their bond would only grow stronger and all the intricate details she soaked in about him made him more and more perfect. He was perfect -- perfect for her.

Her light touches must have worked because his body suddenly flinched and he began moving. His face rested for a moment in his pillow before he turned his body toward her. His eyes fluttered open a second and settled upon her face as he returned his head to the pillow.

“Are you staring at me while I’m sleeping again? You know that creeps me out, right?”

“Ben, I’m lovingly admiring you. You should be flattered.”

He began to rub his face with his hand, attempting to wake himself. “Admire me when I’m doing something impressive like cleaning the kitchen after you’ve made an atrocious mess of it or when I take out the ridiculous amount of trash you fill the bathroom with.” He pulled his hand away from his face and smiled smugly.

“Oh, I definitely admire you when you are doing those things.” Her face spread into an exaggerated grin like she was speaking to a child. “But I like to admire you other times, too.” She smiled and rubbed his cheek as her eyes got suggestively large.

He groaned into his pillow. “It’s too early for you to be manhandling me,” he complained a little too eagerly.

Rey sat up and crawled over him. “Shh,” she leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I’ll be gentle. I promise.”

“I never realized you would take me so seriously when I told you to take whatever you need.” He smiled teasingly.

“Want, Ben. Your words were, ‘Take whatever you want.’” She laughed as his face grimaced.

“Jesus! That’s even worse. My mom was right.” His hands settled on her hips before teasing the skin under her shirt. “I am an even bigger idiot than my father when there’s a pretty girl around.” His hands began to push up her shirt. “And my father can be a real idiot.” He gently pulled her shirt up over her head. His eyes got wide as they danced across her chest.

“Why do you always look at me like that?” Rey laughed. “They’re the same as they were yesterday and the day before that and the day before that…”

His thumbs tickled the underside of her breasts as he grabbed her waist and then reached around her back to pull her close. “It’s not just them,” he said as he tugged her even closer, his chest touching hers. “It’s you.” He kissed her slowly. “It’s always been you.” He began to kiss her neck as she closed her eyes. She felt a strange sense of peace wash over her. She would never be alone again. His head dropped back to rest on the pillow as he smiled up at her, his eyes moving around her face to take in everything about her.

“For me, Ben.” She stopped and smiled, her eyes catching his. “It’s always been you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story and for encouraging me with kudos and comments. At some point, I'm going to add an epilogue because I want to more clearly illustrate our happily ever after. There's also one other plot hole I want to fill in (I wonder if you know what that is?), but this felt like the place I could officially end everything. Thanks again! :-)


End file.
